I forget whether or not I already posted a thread like this but oh well...
One of my major problems with Judaism is services. I attend a Conservative synagogue and I find shabbat services (which is the kind of service I primarily attend) very lack-luster and not engaging on an emotional or spiritual level. I just feel I cannot connect. So, me and my dad are going every Shabbat or so checking out synagogues. This Shabbat, I went to a different one. It was slightly better, but it still didn't give me that feeling I am looking for.
What should I do?
If I can figure this question out for myself, I'll tell you, too....
I have to be honest: I have been having a very hard time with shul services for quite a while. In my experience, it's nearly impossible to find places outside the Orthodox world where there is real kavanah (focus/intention), ruach (spirit), the rabbi doesn't talk your head off, there's no professional chazan (cantor) and things are done halakhically correctly, and a full Torah reading is read. Conservative services too often tend to be dull, unengaging, with too many pauses for the rabbi to sermonize (never mind that the actual sermon tends to be intolerably long), and not enough of the Torah is read (I don't hold with the triennial reading cyle), plus there are endless announcements and so forth at the end. And Reform services are so much worse: I hate instruments in shul, especially since the Reform aesthetic seems to be to make services sound like a summer camp sing-along. They cut the liturgy to shreds, and the rabbi spends most of the time telling you what you'd be saying if you were actually praying right now, and they read nearly no Torah at all.
But the problem with the Orthodox services is, even if you can find a minyan without a chazan, that's got good kavanah and ruach, they will inevitably have a mechitzah (the segregation barrier between men and women), which I loathe, and will just refuse to be egalitarian at all. I found one Orthdox synagogue here in LA where they had good kavanah and ruach, and the cantor wasn't too annoying, and there was no mechitzah (though they still weren't egalitarian), but they were Sefardi. There's nothing wrong with Sefardi- I love their culture and their music and their liturgy. But personally, I am an Ashkenazi, and I like to pray Ashkenazi style. The only Orthodox shul I've ever found that seemed to have it all was in Cleveland, Ohio; and that's a little too far to go every week....
To tell the truth, I usually go to shul services only about once or twice a month. The rest of the time, I pray at home, where there may not be a minyan, but everything's always done the way I like....
I wish I knew what to do about this issue. The truth is that liberal Jews need a lot of education to get more in touch with the liturgy and the texts. And most Jews, liberal and Orthodox both, need some teaching about how to spiritually connect to prayer better, and how to get into a rhythm of good kavanah and good ruach. But I don't necessarily know how that kind of teaching is going to get done, if it even will...
All I can tell you is, you're not alone with this problem. The best solution I've been able to come up with is, find someplace you don't mind going some of the time. And learn how to pray at home to your own satisfaction.
