As a gay initiate into the Gayatri mantra, I would like to give my two cents.
Like I said it is a controversial topic. The rule for us has always been, that sex should be used in the service of Krsna. Kama (sexual desire) is placed alongside Krodha (anger) and Lobha (Greed) as forces which consume the body and drag us lower.
You're right, this is a rather controversial topic, and I'm coming from a non-Gaudiya perspective.
What I have been taught is that, even among initiates and Brahmins, engaging in the material is a natural part of our lives here on earth. Even if we have our duties and religious observances, we still have jobs, friends, and other material pleasures. Yes, this includes sex; which may or may not be procreative.
As a non-celibate gay man in a relationship, I fully understand why my being non-celibate can come across as strange, misguided, or even flat out adharmic. However, in the householder stage, kama is seen as something to indulge in. Hardcore attaining for moksha usually doesn't come until the twilight years of our lives or unless someone becomes a full on renunciate early in life.
Vaishnav Dharma is quite strict in this regard. Sex is purely procreation for a devotee who is initiated in Gayatri and is at the status of a Brahmin (who must maintain the uttermost spiritual purity). Yes, even with homosexuals, sex would still be forbidden. If two men/women would like to live together and support one another without sex, then it should be fine also. One can have a great relationship with one's wife/husband in a manner of respect and love that does not arise out of lust. This distinction between love and lust is something which I believe is often confused by alot of people in society.
I do agree that lust and love are often times confused in our society and that I can love my partner without sex. Yet, at this point in my life, that's just not going to happen. As for purity? Well, I don't think it's something that can just happen in an instant. It's a process and a life long one at that. Do what one must and if they falter majorly, they have guru and God to turn to.
Another thing is that these regulations are only for those people who are set on the path of Moksha. Hinduism allows for many different goals (like Artha, Kama etc) and in these paths, things such as sex would be completely permissible for recreation. Gandharva Marriage, for example, is a union simply of mutual attraction and pleasure.
I essentially agree. Although I was given the thread, I don't think I will attain moksha in this life. However, since I am learning under the teacher, perhaps this will give me a better chance a few (or even a few hundred) lifetimes down the road. Besides, I have already made significant changes in my life, and by the grace of Sri Herself many more will follow (hopefully).
Also, like I said, I think this is why I think the ashramas are important. Unless one is a renunciate, or works as a priest or bhattachaya, Hindus of all backgrounds (including initiates and Brahmins) can engage in sensual pleasure and still be Hindu all the same.
However this is only for Vaishnavs (and others who are striving for Moksha). As far as Hinduism goes, if you are focusing on Kama in life, than such practices (of sex as recreational) are completely acceptable. And ultimately I believe these are all rules that fall secondary to Bhakti. A human being may have sex everyday, but if they remember the Lord during their death, then they will have attained Him.
At the risk of sounding like a broken record, it really does boil down to where one is in their life and what they think is important. For me, God is important, and so is cultivating love and devotion. But my partner is also important, finishing my degree is important, and making sure that I live relatively comfortably and don't end up homeless is important.
At this moment, attaining moksha isn't at the forefront of my mind, but learning about God and how to surrender to Him/Her is. When I'm an old man and in the twilight of my life, perhaps then I will be ready. Maybe even sooner, but I know for certain not now.
I actually agree with you. I think..these things (like renunciation etc) have to come gradually. Jumping head first into initiation without carefully considering what it actually means will always have a negative effect. For example, during the time of Srila Prabhupada, He gave Sannaysa to many westerners who later 'fell down' after His disappearance (they started to associate intimately with the opposite sex, some even remarried and had children). Because of this...people began to refer to that period as the "dark ages" of ISKCON. Many devotees left the institution because of this as they believed that noone pure enough was left in the movement. I strongly believe that for something as important as Diksha (Gayatri Diksha at least) there should be some degree of purity and commitment. However, that being said, I also believe the rules are less rigid for Harinama Diksha (which to us is more important than Gayatri Diksha anyway).
Well, I guess we can both agree that it's a process and that it does take commitment. However, while one can be "pure" going in, I'm of the mindset that purity must come naturally and not be forced. It may take take a few months, years, a lifetime, or a few lifetimes; but people who wish to get there will eventually get there.
Also, I often time wonder if we see the concept of "purity" though a western fogged lens? Just a random thought.
