Sex before marriage in the christian faith

[Muffled]

what are peoples thoughts about this i have met these neo harvard educated theologians and pastors who endorse sex before marriage. and then of course there is the more main line doctrine.

I believe sex outside of marriage between a man and a woman is a sin.

 

[Alceste]

I think in this case, this worked way back then when people were marrying at younger ages, having a shorter "engagement" period too.

Our courtship habits have changed, looking for that 'perfect someone' takes a lot more investigation I suppose and there's a MUCH longer courtship period.

It did make practical sense in a time when sex would almost certainly produce a child, and women and children were completely economically dependent on men. Requiring life long commitment before sex is an obvious way to protect the interests of children in that context. Likewise, religious rules like "don't east shellfish" probably had a practical motive before we understood red tide.

Those conditions are no longer the case, thank God. Women can have sex without children and support ourselves. It's not surprising "no sex before marriage" has become little more than empty words parroted by hypocrites.

 

[ChristineES]

I think if a person want to wait to he or she is married to have sex, that is his or her prerogative. I can't understand why anyone else would care.

 

[Pegg]

what are peoples thoughts about this i have met these neo harvard educated theologians and pastors who endorse sex before marriage. and then of course there is the more main line doctrine.

if any christian is endorsing sex before marriage, they should not be calling themselves a christian and they should absolutely not be teaching christianity to anyone else.

 

[Alceste]

I think if a person want to wait to he or she is married to have sex, that is his or her prerogative. I can't understand why anyone else would care.

I agree. I only take issue with those who preach abstinence for everyone else when they are not prepared to put it into practice for themselves.

I completely respect any person's individual choices when it comes to sex. Have it, don't have it, charge for it, dress like a Pokemon, whatever. Just don't insist I'm a sinner for having it without remorse if you're out there having it too and we're golden.

 

[dgirl1986]

I personally think to each their own. What works for some doesnt necessarily work for others, but that has little to do with religion.

 

[Wannabe Yogi]

what are peoples thoughts about this i have met these neo harvard educated theologians and pastors who endorse sex before marriage. and then of course there is the more main line doctrine.

If you're a Baptist it is extremely bad to have sex standing up before marriage. Not only are you fornicating but you are also dancing.

 

[Penumbra]

I believe marrying someone before having sex with them is a sin.

 

[dgirl1986]

If you're a Baptist it is extremely bad to have sex standing up before marriage. Not only are you fornicating but you are also dancing.

This made me giggle

 

[Madhuri]

What does the Bible actually say about it?

 

[ChristineES]

What does the Bible actually say about it?

It says in the OT that if a man and women fornicate, they are obligated to marry.

 

[dgirl1986]

It says in the OT that if a man and women fornicate, they are obligated to marry.

I also remember reading that if a man married a woman and finds that she was not a virgin, she should be stoned to death or something along those lines.

 

[ChristineES]

I also remember reading that if a man married a woman and finds that she was not a virgin, she should be stoned to death or something along those lines.

Yeah, I think I read something like that. It also said if a woman dressed like a man, they should stone her, too. But how was women's clothes different from men's in those times- they all wore robes. I think I might be missing something.

 

[Pegg]

When a man and a woman unite in wedlock, the bible says they become “one flesh,” as it were and their sexual union is also to be exclusive because the two become 'one flesh'. “A man will leave his father and his mother and he must stick to his wife and they must become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24)

But if two unmarried people have sexual relations, then it becomes a case of fornication and the union is unclean in God’s eyes for several reasons.
The most obvious reason is that the sex is engaged in without genuine commitment. It undermines self-respect, can result in disease, unwanted pregnancy, and emotional pain when the union ends. The fornicators show little or no regard for the present and future welfare and happiness of the other person and they are not regarding the disasterous consequences that may result to themselves. 1Cor 6:18 Flee from fornication. Every other sin that a man may commit is outside his body, but he that practices fornication is sinning against his own body

All these reasons make fornication (sex outside of or before marriage) a matter of unrighteous conduct. Whereas marriage sanctifies and dignifies the sexual union between a man and woman and this is why marriage is viewed as a 'holy union' in Gods eyes.

1Thess 4:3 For this is what God wills, the sanctifying of YOU, that YOU abstain from fornication; 4 that each one of YOU should know how to get possession of his own vessel in sanctification and honor, 5 not in covetous sexual appetite such as also those nations have which do not know God; 6 that no one go to the point of harming and encroach upon the rights of his brother in this matter, because Jehovah is one who exacts punishment for all these things, just as we told YOU beforehand and also gave YOU a thorough witness. 7 For God called us, not with allowance for uncleanness, but in connection with sanctification.

The above scripture shows that a christian must live a life which is sanctified...it must be in harmony with Gods righteous decrees and marriage is one of those righteous decrees.
Leviticus 11:44 For I am Jehovah YOUR God; and YOU must sanctify yourselves and YOU must prove yourselves holy, because I am holy

 

[Rakhel]

Is it wrong to have sex before you're married?
Only if it makes you late for the ceremony.
Marriage Jokes

Or the one to Dear Abby(I think and a paraphrase)
...the Irish priest said, "As long as they don't block the aisle..."

 

[oldbadger]

Hypocrites. That sort of thing really irritates me. I've dated a couple serious Christians and the whole post-coital sin / guilt / shame "satan sent you to tempt me from the path of righteousness" thing is really tedious.

I don't think that they are all hypocrites. I just think that they are totally brainwashed. I was brought up in a household so filled with daft ideas that I was quite lost.

I remember my first girlfriend, pulling me into a wood and taking her top off, and I shied away from that wonderful (incredible amazing fantastic) opportunity. When she asked me 'why?' I told her that I couldn't...... cos it was a Sunday. I was 14. (Damn. Damn.)

That's not hypocritical.... there's a special word for that condition...... 'screwed up' would be about right. But because I remember that mindset, it helps me to empathise slightly more, now.

 

[Alceste]

I don't think that they are all hypocrites. I just think that they are totally brainwashed. I was brought up in a household so filled with daft ideas that I was quite lost.

I remember my first girlfriend, pulling me into a wood and taking her top off, and I shied away from that wonderful (incredible amazing fantastic) opportunity. When she asked me 'why?' I told her that I couldn't...... cos it was a Sunday. I was 14. (Damn. Damn.)

That's not hypocritical.... there's a special word for that condition...... 'screwed up' would be about right. But because I remember that mindset, it helps me to empathise slightly more, now.

"Screwed up" is a better description, surely. I'm not talking about frightened adolescents though. The Christian men I dated, I dated as an adult. They were ostensibly adults (mid-twenties) They were not inexperienced. They had both had premarital sex with other women before they met me. Nevertheless, they both insisted I was somehow in thrall to Satan because I was OK with premarital sex. Especially right after eagerly having premarital sex with me.

Needless to say, I learned not to date Christians after those guys, and would never date a Christian again (or any other patriarchal monotheist). I eventually married another taoist. The gist of that philosophy is that living in harmony with your own nature is living in harmony with nature itself. So if your nature is chaste, you should be chaste. If your nature is sensual, you should be sensual. You are only in harmony with nature (or God, for the theists) if you are in harmony with your nature. For a sensual person to preach abstinence is a sin. For a chaste person to preach sensuality is equally sinful.

That may seem contradictory, but being screwed up and out of sync with your nature causes harm to your lovers. For example, a sensual man who preaches chastity will accuse his lovers of evil, which is hurtful. A naturally chaste man who preaches sensuality will perceive his lovers as "dirty" for their own expressions of sensuality, which is also hurtful.

I assume the same is true with the genders reversed, but I know a heck of a lot more about men than women in the bedroom.

My best advice is: if you are chaste, be chaste. If you are sensual, be sensual. Whichever it is, keep it between yourself and your lover/s.

 

[Reverend Richard]

"Eighty percent of young, unmarried Christians have had sex. Two-thirds have been sexually active in the last year. Even though, according to a recent Gallup poll, 76 percent of evangelicals believe sex outside of marriage is morally wrong.
​

Ah. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.

But as my (single) uncle used to tell me, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free!"


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[oldbadger]

"Screwed up" is a better description, surely. I'm not talking about frightened adolescents though. The Christian men I dated, I dated as an adult. They were ostensibly adults (mid-twenties) They were not inexperienced. They had both had premarital sex with other women before they met me. Nevertheless, they both insisted I was somehow in thrall to Satan because I was OK with premarital sex. Especially right after eagerly having premarital sex with me.

Needless to say, I learned not to date Christians after those guys, and would never date a Christian again (or any other patriarchal monotheist). I eventually married another taoist. The gist of that philosophy is that living in harmony with your own nature is living in harmony with nature itself. So if your nature is chaste, you should be chaste. If your nature is sensual, you should be sensual. You are only in harmony with nature (or God, for the theists) if you are in harmony with your nature. For a sensual person to preach abstinence is a sin. For a chaste person to preach sensuality is equally sinful.

That may seem contradictory, but being screwed up and out of sync with your nature causes harm to your lovers. For example, a sensual man who preaches chastity will accuse his lovers of evil, which is hurtful. A naturally chaste man who preaches sensuality will perceive his lovers as "dirty" for their own expressions of sensuality, which is also hurtful.

I assume the same is true with the genders reversed, but I know a heck of a lot more about men than women in the bedroom.

My best advice is: if you are chaste, be chaste. If you are sensual, be sensual. Whichever it is, keep it between yourself and your lover/s.

Yes....... I figured the age gap (between 14 and 20's!) as I wrote, and should have noted that.

Decades ago I was 'connected' to a religious (but not christian) group through my 1st wife. This group had a rigid 'no sex before marriage' rule. Oh dear...... the divorces! The marriage would take place, then, not that long afterwards, the stories would creep out into the community, about what she or he 'did or did not want'. Then the separation. Then the divorce. Of course, the backbiting broke a strict religious code, but that didn't seem to matter as much as the no-sex-before thing.

I now believe that a 'no-sex-before' tenet is absolutely totally high-risk dangerous.

 

[Alceste]

Ah. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.

But as my (single) uncle used to tell me, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free!"


​

Your uncle was very 19th century. These days people get married because they fall in love and want to live together. It's no longer a purely economic arrangement for women - sex in exchange for a house to live in and food to eat. Thank God, we're finally allowed to have more interesting jobs.

It's time to put that expression out to pasture.