Sexual orientation and different kinds of love

[picnic]

There are different forms of love
- love for a parent
- love for a pet
- love for a spouse
- love for a friend
- love for a stripper

When we say sexual orientation, what kind of love do we mean? Over the years, I gradually picked up signals that one of my best friends was bisexual and possibly attracted to me. I always tried to ignore those signals, because we are both male, and there is a part of me that makes homosexuality off-limits.

I'm almost 50 now, and I seem to have lost what little sex drive I ever had. It makes me wonder what is love? When I was younger, I simply knew that I was attracted to various women's bodies. Surely there is more than that to love whether we are talking same sex or opposite sex.

I certainly cared a lot about my friend who may have been attracted to me. It always seemed like our personalities were a perfect match. I moved away and only see him every few years.

It seems to me that love is weird - especially now that my hormones are gone. Sexual attraction is a very strange thing to me. Probably I'm just screwed-up in the head.

 

[Deidre]

Think there is a difference between attraction/infatuation and love. Love is a very deep, inward feeling for another...whether it be a pet, parent, lover, teacher, friend...etc.
But, chemistry and infatuation...one needn't be in love to feel those things. I think your feelings are quite normal.

 

[Deathbydefault]

Think there is a difference between attraction/infatuation and love. Love is a very deep, inward feeling for another...whether it be a pet, parent, lover, teacher, friend...etc.
But, chemistry and infatuation...one needn't be in love to feel those things. I think your feelings are quite normal.

This is very correct.
There are also levels of love, as you alluded.
I myself do not have the proper components in my mind to either process or feel love on a scale such as is described.
I feel as though I love my girlfriend, and youngest sister.
However, I have discussed with various therapists that the amount of love I partake in, or express, is equivalent to how you might love a particular food.

Concerning sexuality, I cannot relate on many platforms.
I understand a want to please your partner, but I have no desires of a sexual nature, thus I am useless for advice here. (sorry )
But, in my humble opinion, sexuality is weird, and if you feel weird then you're doing it right.

 

[psychedelicsoul]

I think that straight and gay people have different forms of love... Because all people do.
I think there's 7.9 billion varieties of love that exists. Because we have that many people. Love isn't real. It's not a "thing" that exists in any form. Love is just something you make up in your head. So love is subjective. Everyone has a different "love" inside your head.

Except me... I have love. I'm only interested in sex because of the physical sensations of sex and the masculine pride associated with having sex with multiple women and bragging about it.
Love is stupid. All it does is make you happy for a while and miserable when it's over. None of us, straight or gay, need love... all we're doing when we fall in love is hold onto some pointless sentiment and tell ourselves it means something when it doesn't.

 

[Deathbydefault]

It all depends on how you define love.
If we're talking the emotional experience of love and how we interpret it, I agree that it's subjective.
But if you were to talk about love in physical form, how it is put into motion by the brain, that is objective (assuming one has the ability to love).

 

[Deidre]

I'm not a big fan of falling in love (with my heart) either. lol
Have been hurt a few times, that it makes me scared to want to fall in love again.

 

[Deathbydefault]

I feel that as long as you aren't trying to fall in love to make yourself happy, you'll be happy.
Being rather envious at times, I have studied up on the process of love and how people interact.
Too many times do people try to fall in love because they feel some indoctrinated society based version of love.
Actual love is describe on a much more emotional scale, one outside of my comprehension, and that is what I might say is "true love".
Rare as that might be.

There's "love", there's "lust", there's "want", and then there's "need". The possible combinations seem to be endless.
But I suggest you go for all four

 

[psychedelicsoul]

It all depends on how you define love.
If we're talking the emotional experience of love and how we interpret it, I agree that it's subjective.
But if you were to talk about love in physical form, how it is put into motion by the brain, that is objective (assuming one has the ability to love).

There's no "love" in the brain... it's just drugs. Oxytocin.

Love is no better than drugs... well, that's incorrect, drugs are much better than love

 

[Deidre]

There's no "love" in the brain... it's just drugs. Oxytocin.

Love is no better than drugs... well, that's incorrect, drugs are much better than love

hahaha!!

 

[Deathbydefault]

There's no "love" in the brain... it's just drugs. Oxytocin.

Love is no better than drugs... well, that's incorrect, drugs are much better than love

Those drugs give rise to the process we call love, that is why I said this definition of love is objective.
I do not quite understand your views on love, though I am aware that it is common to become depressed after having a love perspective shattered.

 

[Quintessence]

I don't regard "sexual orientation" as having anything to do with love at all. It has to do with what you want to $#@%. Frankly, the language my culture uses to describe relationships is not only overly-simplistic, but ridiculous to me on the whole.

 

[psychedelicsoul]

Those drugs give rise to the process we call love, that is why I said this definition of love is objective.
I do not quite understand your views on love, though I am aware that it is common to become depressed after having a love perspective shattered.

So... is objective love when oxytocin is released as a result of ones attachment to another

 

[dust1n]

I don't get why people have an aversion to getting hurt by love. Arguably the most pleasurable hurts one could endure... I'd take several of those over a broken leg. There's no motivation in a broken leg.

 

[Deathbydefault]

So... is objective love when oxytocin is released as a result of ones attachment to another

Pretty much .-. you had the concept down right from the start.
It's literally just your brain drugging you into an emotion, that's objective love.

 

[psychoslice]

Love is like the word God, it could mean anything, but love to me is simply realizing that we are all One with the Source, and anything else is just a story.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

I don't get why people have an aversion to getting hurt by love. Arguably the most pleasurable hurts one could endure... I'd take several of those over a broken leg. There's no motivation in a broken leg.

Not when it makes you suicidal and it lands you in the ER. Trust me, I know from experience.

 

[psychedelicsoul]

Not when it makes you suicidal and it lands you in the ER. Trust me, I know from experience.

I have physical scars of love... to add to the scars I made from trying to change my sexualiy...
I loved this girl and freaked out about her... I got so damn drunk, I started screaming and crying. I started punching ****... I punched the ground so hard I split open my hand. I still have scars where I was stiched back.... blood was everywhere. I think I punched broken glass... I didn't feel much pain.
I was in so much emotional pain that my body barely felt anything.

like this basicaly

 

[Laika]

When we say sexual orientation, what kind of love do we mean?

same sex love and different sex love feel the same, if that's what you mean.

I'm almost 50 now, and I seem to have lost what little sex drive I ever had. It makes me wonder what is love? When I was younger, I simply knew that I was attracted to various women's bodies. Surely there is more than that to love whether we are talking same sex or opposite sex

Yes. the way someone looks gets your attention. the way someone makes you feel in terms of their personality keeps you coming back. that's sort of my rule of thumb. but I'm still new to it.

But, society has changed a huge amount in your lifetime with the sexual revolution. someone my age (26) is still dealing with much of the emotional confusion left behind as "normal" gender roles and relationship patterns have changed, but they've change in a way that means yes you have more choice, but that isn't necessarily better. e.g. causal sex that is emotionally distant, the "freinds with benifits" mess where people still deny the feelings they have or develop, a gay/bi freind coming out to their striaght crush, using the internet to stay in touch with a crush, etc. whereas relationships followed a pattern in the 19th and early 20th centuries, regardless as to whether people wanted it to or not, there is now certianly a "void" because society hasn't really settled on what the do's and don't of relationships are. I'm certianly happier to say that I can legally be "out" as bi, but there isn't a user's manual. So your certianly not alone if you feel a bit lost and confused.

I'd reccommend Erich Fromm's The Art of Loving. As tempting as it is to read more into that title, its a philosophical look at love. food for thought perhaps.

 

[Yerda]

I think that straight and gay people have different forms of love... Because all people do.
I think there's 7.9 billion varieties of love that exists. Because we have that many people. Love isn't real. It's not a "thing" that exists in any form. Love is just something you make up in your head. So love is subjective. Everyone has a different "love" inside your head.

Except me... I have love. I'm only interested in sex because of the physical sensations of sex and the masculine pride associated with having sex with multiple women and bragging about it.
Love is stupid. All it does is make you happy for a while and miserable when it's over. None of us, straight or gay, need love... all we're doing when we fall in love is hold onto some pointless sentiment and tell ourselves it means something when it doesn't.

Love isn't just all we need, it's all we have. There is nothing that means anything without love - stupid or not.

 

[Yerda]

When we say sexual orientation, what kind of love do we mean?

We don't mean love at all I think.