Im with you on this as well. When I first was introduced to Dharmic religions, I specifically felt drawn to Shiva, but, while I really liked Shiva, the ontology of the monistic Shavism scared the crap out of me. The idea that I was God really bothered me and made me feel lonely.
Looking back now, I believe I approached it the wrong way, because when I considered the idea that
I was God, I was still seeing through the lenses of being very attached to my individual ego, so the "I" that was Shiva was only the relative "Jonathan" (my name), the ego that I thought I was.
Now, having loosened the attachment to the "I" thought to the point that the feeling of "me" is very vague, I can understand more properly what is implied by Shiva being the Self and all things being Shiva, its something that's isn't the same kind of "self" that I used to think it was. It's a so-called "self" that is beyond the idea of "me" or "you." Likewise, I understand now that monism is a fallacy as much as dualism, and the actual nature of things really must lie in between as simple "non-dualism." Very interesting.
Its very possible that Shiva made me face the things that terrified me. Though I over came these fears through practicing Buddhadharma, I was introduced to them through Shiva.
Along these lines I also find it interesting that I read Padmasambhava (Guru Rinpoche) was a Shivite before he learned Buddhadharma.
Anyway, this was not meant to be nearly as long as it is, it just kinda happened
tl;dr: I also like Shiva, he was my favorite form of God when I explored Sanatana Dharma and I still really like him. In some way, I aspire to be
like Shiva