Should GBLT individuals 'stay in the closet'?

[Kilgore Trout]

Sometimes closets have transparent doors. Mine did. When I admitted to my family and a few friends (and to myself) I'm gay, they were like "oh please, that's old news!" They knew before I did. The point is that sometimes, maybe often, other people already know. I don't hide it but I don't announce it either. No matter what a person's sexuality, talking about it is déclassé.

This is interesting as I've found this to almost always be the case. I've been surprised in each case where a friend has "come out" to me, as I had no idea that they actually thought they were in the closet. For many of them, it did seem to be stress-relief regardless, as they apparently did not know that everyone already knew they were gay.

 

[Jainarayan]

It seems we, the ones who think we're in the closet, sell other people short or don't give them the credit for being intelligent enough to figure it out or see it. It actually kind of stole my thunder... very anti-climactic.

 

[Kilgore Trout]

It seems we, the ones who think we're in the closet, sell other people short or don't give them the credit for being intelligent enough to figure it out or see it. It actually kind of stole my thunder... very anti-climactic.

This all reminds me of the first time I encountered this.

One of my roommates freshman year of college was obviously gay from the first time I met him. Throughout first semester, his boyfriend would occassionally sleep over in bed with him. Discussions about being gay never came up, which I found refreshing, as many younger gay people can actually get pretty monotonous with the constant discussion about the trials, tribulations, and drama of being gay.

Anyway, after winter break, he took me and our other roommate aside and told us that he was gay, and that his friend who stayed over wasn't just a friend, but actually his boyfriend. He was very anxious about telling us this, and we felt bad after both breaking out laughing, since we thought he was making a joke.

 

[Jainarayan]

He was very anxious about telling us this, and we felt bad after both breaking out laughing, since we thought he was making a joke.

And now he's in intensive therapy.

Seriously, it can be quite the mental drama to decide whom to tell, when, where and how. This guy may have been trolling, but a guy on another forum asked if we thought it was a good idea for him to come out to his conservative Christian family over Christmas dinner. Most everyone said "uh... no, not our first choice for time and place".

 

[dgirl1986]

The only time they should consider staying in the closet is if it will put their life at risk.

 

[Curious George]

Why or why not?

I'm an absolute get out of the closet and be open and yourself. No one should have to hide who they are.

I guess I focus more on "we shouldn't have society that creates a need for closets" to worry about whether someone should stay in or out.

 

[Nymphs]

I guess I focus more on "we shouldn't have society that creates a need for closets" to worry about whether someone should stay in or out.

Agreed. I'm just curious if there are people left that actually think so archaically (should they stay in the closet).

 

[ZooGirl02]

I don't think that they should have to stay in the closet. I think that they should feel free to be open and honest with themselves and with others about their true identity.

As for me, I am bisexual but I am living a chaste life. I am pretty much "in the closet" though except for when it comes to my family and a few friends. I prefer that my sexual orientation not be widely known because I live in a pretty conservative town in Indiana and I am afraid that many people would dislike me or possibly even harass me if they knew.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

I don't think that they should have to stay in the closet. I think that they should feel free to be open and honest with themselves and with others about their true identity.

As for me, I am bisexual but I am living a chaste life. I am pretty much "in the closet" though except for when it comes to my family and a few friends. I prefer that my sexual orientation not be widely known because I live in a pretty conservative town in Indiana and I am afraid that many people would dislike me or possibly even harass me if they knew.

It's embarrassing living in a state that believes it has the "state's right" to discriminate and is appealing the federal decision to finally allow marriage equality in the state.

 

[Brickjectivity]

Hmm. I advised one acquaintance who asked me this question to try to blend in (but they refused). I did that because it was an atmosphere full of inexperienced young paranoid college students who behaved a lot like caged turkeys. If you go to college and are in any way of questionable popularity you can expect to be last pick every dam time the prof wants you to do group projects, at every group, club or whatever you go to. Blend in. Learn to blend in. You don't have to blend in all the time but you should learn how to do it, because its a survival skill.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

Hmm. I advised one acquaintance who asked me this question to try to blend in (but they refused). I did that because it was an atmosphere full of inexperienced young paranoid college students who behaved a lot like caged turkeys. If you go to college and are in any way of questionable popularity you can expect to be last pick every dam time the prof wants you to do group projects, at every group, club or whatever you go to. Blend in. Learn to blend in. You don't have to blend in all the time but you should learn how to do it, because its a survival skill.

Blending in isn't always an option, nor is it always desirable. I stick out like a sore thumb at college, with both my appearance and with what I can add to class discussions. In life in general, I stick out. About the only places I don't stick out nearly as much is at a heavy metal or hard rock concert. And then there are all the down sides of blending in, such as making it too hard to make yourself noticed when you need to be. When in Rome do as you do, just don't be ugly (like the Ugly American type).

 

[Drolefille]

Blending in isn't always an option, nor is it always desirable. I stick out like a sore thumb at college, with both my appearance and with what I can add to class discussions. In life in general, I stick out. About the only places I don't stick out nearly as much is at a heavy metal or hard rock concert. And then there are all the down sides of blending in, such as making it too hard to make yourself noticed when you need to be. When in Rome do as you do, just don't be ugly (like the Ugly American type).

Blending in definitely means that bi/pansexuals get glossed over a lot. I don't always want to blend in as much as I do :-/

 

[dgirl1986]

Blending in isn't always an option, nor is it always desirable. I stick out like a sore thumb at college, with both my appearance and with what I can add to class discussions. In life in general, I stick out. About the only places I don't stick out nearly as much is at a heavy metal or hard rock concert. And then there are all the down sides of blending in, such as making it too hard to make yourself noticed when you need to be. When in Rome do as you do, just don't be ugly (like the Ugly American type).

My gf sticks out as well. People knew she was gay before she knew she was gay lol. She always gets stares.

 

[Sundance]

Of course, as long as you're comfortable with it.
-A Bi, Pan, and Fluid Unitarian Universalist

 

[Shadow Wolf]

One thing that has always boggled my mind,is even long before I accepted myself as a transwoman, it wasn't all that uncommon for people to say they got a gay vibe off of me, even though I was trying my hardest to be the most masculine I could possibly be. I never did get around to asking people what exactly it was that gave them that, though it really doesn't matter.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

People just think I'm a butch dyke, apparently, even at Pride and when I'm wearing trans stuff. ****** me off.

 

[NewGuyOnTheBlock]

Why or why not?

I'm an absolute get out of the closet and be open and yourself. No one should have to hide who they are.

Be careful with this. There are so many stories of disastrous consequences: Teens kicked out of the house; gays abandoned by their families and totally rejected, sometimes leading to suicide; gays forced into Repairative Therapy against their will ....

No one knows one's situation better than the person that is in that situation. Only the person in that situation has the knowledge to judge whether or not "here and now" is the time to "come out".

Yes, I agree, no one should have to hide who they are; But, not everyone lives in that ideal environment where they can afford to "not" hide who they are.

In my opinion, no one has the right to advise another person whether or not to "come out" because that "advisor" will neither reap the rewards nor pay the consequences of that choice.

 

[dgirl1986]

ALways proceed with caution and awareness of your surroundings (and the people in it).