Should Humans Be Monogamous?

[Nanda]

For one I am not judging anyone, if offered an opinion.

But you are. You said you saw one poly family, their love wasn't real pure love, as you saw it (which is in itself a judgement that I'm not sure you can possibly know about another person without actually being them, and I said as much) and then went on to imply that poly families are incapable of such love - that it's a "utopian fantasy," as you put it. I'm just trying to explain to you that your opinion seems to be based on one narrow view, after having met only one triad. And if I sound defensive, maybe it's because your comments are unfair, and basically attempt to invalidate my way of life, whether you mean them to or not. No one likes that.

 

[Japaholic]

But you are.You said you saw one poly family, their love wasn't real pure love, as you saw it (which is in itself a judgement that I'm not sure you can possibly know about another person without actually being them, and I said as much)

Sorry, no I wasn't judging, I offered my humble opinion which I stated at the begining of the post.

I said "It wasn't true love by pure definition"

My fault here was by not offering that definition. Here goes.....

love

Noun

1 - a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2 - a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3 - sexual passion or desire.
4 - a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.

verb (used with object)

1- to have love or affection for: All her pupils love her.
2- to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for (another person).
3- to have a strong liking for; take great pleasure in: to love music.
4- to need or require; benefit greatly from: Plants love sunlight.
5- to have sexual intercourse with.

verb (used without object)

1- to have love or affection for another person; be in love.

Those are thre basics lifted straight from my dictionary there are various other phrasal verbs and other deviations. Note the singular, the dictionary doesn't say multiples.

I hope now you understand what I said was by pure definition. No where did I quantify my love for my wife and compare it to the love you have for your husbands or wives. As yet you haven't quantified your relationship. What is the dynamic of number of males and females?

No where did I say the triangle I met were not capable of pure love. I suggested that what they exhibited wasn't by pure definition.

Your can argue semantics all you like but on the judging point you are wrong. However I accept that perhaps you feel challenged or somehow threatened by my opinion.

I did apologise at the start of the post and stated I meant no offence through offering my opinion. I still don't mean any offence.

I'm just trying to explain to you that your opinion seems to be based on one narrow view, after having met only one triad.

Where did I say that was the only poly group I have ever encountered? Quote me?

And if I sound defensive, maybe it's because your comments are unfair, and basically attempt to invalidate my way of life, whether you mean them to or not. No one likes that.

My comments are fair and balanced. You have jumped to the wrong conclusion. Where have I tried to invalidate your way of life? Where did I say Nandas life/lifestyle is not as valid as mine? Again - quote me.

 

[Nanda]

Sorry, no I wasn't judging, I offered my humble opinion which I stated at the begining of the post.

I said "It wasn't true love by pure definition"

My fault here was by not offering that definition. Here goes.....

love

Noun

1 - a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2 - a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3 - sexual passion or desire.
4 - a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.

verb (used with object)

1- to have love or affection for: All her pupils love her.
2- to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for (another person).
3- to have a strong liking for; take great pleasure in: to love music.
4- to need or require; benefit greatly from: Plants love sunlight.
5- to have sexual intercourse with.

verb (used without object)

1- to have love or affection for another person; be in love.

Those are thre basics lifted straight from my dictionary there are various other phrasal verbs and other deviations. Note the singular, the dictionary doesn't say multiples.

There's nothing about my relationship with my husband and my boyfriend that doesn't meet any of the criteria listed in that definition of love. Just because the dictionary doesn't specifically mention multiples doesn't mean that you can't love more than one person. If you have more than one child, you still love all of them, don't you? I love both of my parents - I don't have to choose just one.

I hope now you understand what I said was by pure definition. No where did I quantify my love for my wife and compare it to the love you have for your husbands or wives.

I disagree with your assessment of the conversation thus far:

I think that gay or straight a monogamous relationship is a by product of true love.

Polygomy would only stand a chance of working in a utopian fantasy.

I realize that this is only your opinion - what I'm trying to tell you is that your opinion, as I see it, is shortsighted. And if you think the opinions of others don't matter, ask any gay couple who was married in California if the opinions of others make a difference.

Your can argue semantics all you like but on the judging point you are wrong.

Look, I'm not being as accusatory as you seem to think I am. I'm certainly not angry at you or trying to pick a fight. I'm just trying to point out that some of the things you've said come across as judgemental, even if you don't think so.

Where did I say that was the only poly group I have ever encountered? Quote me?

That's true. Though you only mentioned one, perhaps you've met thousands. Though I'd have a hard time believing that if you knew many poly groups, you'd still think that our love is a utopian fantasy.

My comments are fair and balanced. You have jumped to the wrong conclusion. Where have I tried to invalidate your way of life? Where did I say Nandas life/lifestyle is not as valid as mine? Again - quote me.

I didn't say you were trying to invalidate my way of life - I said that your comments did, whether you meant them to or not.

If I said "In my opinion, monogamy isn't real, pure love, because it succumbs to possessiveness and jealousy," well, that's my opinion. But you know it's not true in your experience, so wouldn't you try to better inform me?