Shunned by a child

[Draka]

There is an 11y/o girl who lives next door that I have chatted with from time to time while my kids and her younger brother and sister have played outside. Quite talkative and bubbly and nice, I have never had issue with her wanting to chat with me while the others have played. Today, she started asking about exactly what ages my kids were because she thought they would be a good fit for her brother and sister's youth bible group. She talked up the group for a bit and I smiled and told her while it sounded nice it wasn't something we would be interested in. She tried again, saying how fun it was, and I told her it did sound fun, that wasn't the issue, I just wouldn't be comfortable with the bible study itself. She gave me a weird look and I stated in an almost apologetic way that we weren't Christian. She turned around and walked away and went back to sitting on her back porch steps with her brother and hasn't spoken a word to me since. Shunned,...by an 11y/o...for not being a Christian. Wow. Up until then I was interesting and nice and whenever she saw me outside she made a direct line to me to chat with me. Suddenly...I have the plague. Imagine that.

 

[Awoon]

Sad story

 

[Iti oj]

Sadface. I bet she seeks you out in 5 years or so.

 

[Quagmire]

There is an 11y/o girl who lives next door that I have chatted with from time to time while my kids and her younger brother and sister have played outside. Quite talkative and bubbly and nice, I have never had issue with her wanting to chat with me while the others have played. Today, she started asking about exactly what ages my kids were because she thought they would be a good fit for her brother and sister's youth bible group. She talked up the group for a bit and I smiled and told her while it sounded nice it wasn't something we would be interested in. She tried again, saying how fun it was, and I told her it did sound fun, that wasn't the issue, I just wouldn't be comfortable with the bible study itself. She gave me a weird look and I stated in an almost apologetic way that we weren't Christian. She turned around and walked away and went back to sitting on her back porch steps with her brother and hasn't spoken a word to me since. Shunned,...by an 11y/o...for not being a Christian. Wow. Up until then I was interesting and nice and whenever she saw me outside she made a direct line to me to chat with me. Suddenly...I have the plague. Imagine that.

All I have to say, Draka, is that if her parents invite you over for a bar-b-que? don't go. :no:

 

[Debater Slayer]

Sadly, indoctrination can do worse. I'm not really that surprised.

 

[Draka]

I'm sure she's busy telling her mother and her aunts over there visiting today that the neighbor lady isn't a Christian. Where they were just talking to me earlier today, I bet not a one speaks a peep to me from now on. Well, at least the mother. The girl has to have gotten it from someone in her family, if not the whole family.

 

[Alceste]

There is an 11y/o girl who lives next door that I have chatted with from time to time while my kids and her younger brother and sister have played outside. Quite talkative and bubbly and nice, I have never had issue with her wanting to chat with me while the others have played. Today, she started asking about exactly what ages my kids were because she thought they would be a good fit for her brother and sister's youth bible group. She talked up the group for a bit and I smiled and told her while it sounded nice it wasn't something we would be interested in. She tried again, saying how fun it was, and I told her it did sound fun, that wasn't the issue, I just wouldn't be comfortable with the bible study itself. She gave me a weird look and I stated in an almost apologetic way that we weren't Christian. She turned around and walked away and went back to sitting on her back porch steps with her brother and hasn't spoken a word to me since. Shunned,...by an 11y/o...for not being a Christian. Wow. Up until then I was interesting and nice and whenever she saw me outside she made a direct line to me to chat with me. Suddenly...I have the plague. Imagine that.

She may just be having trouble processing the conflict between going to a church that tells her non-Christians are going to burn forever in hell and really liking her neighbours. It may not be personal. That's not an easy idea for kids to deal with. I expect there is part of her that has just realized, thanks to you and your family, that one of her church's central doctrines just might be morally and ethically wrong. Suddenly, things are not as simple as they seemed!

Or, maybe she thinks you're in cahoots with the devil.

My thoughts on how to help her get through whatever she's going through in a healthy way is to keep being really nice to her. If it's the former, she may decide the "non-Christians go to hell" doctrine is stupid and unfair. If it's the latter, at least you can mess with her head and make her mistrust nice people. Win-win!

 

[Quintessence]

Pathetic. The only people I will refuse to talk to are the ones that say "I'm going to murder you." And that would mostly be because I will be too busy running away or defending myself.

 

[Renji]

All I can say is that she's still a kido. She still needs to understand that there are some things that we cannot "enforce" or require others to do, even to those that are close to us, like attending bible studies; that she can perhaps ask a person,"hey, do you want to attend the bible study?" and if the person says "no" she needs to respect that (and if the person happens to be her friend or something, they're still friends in spite of that).

 

[Renji]

In addition, if she grew up in a environment where people usually do bible study (and perhaps majority of people are Christians), it might give her a notion that it's but normal for ALL people to do such, hence she (perhaps) wanted your kids to participate and reacted that way when you said you aren't Christians. I think that way when I was a kid. I thought all people believe in the belief system that I follow and that all people do whatever practices that is within it, so back then I find it "odd" when I see people not praying the rosary for example.

 

[Alceste]

Pathetic. The only people I will refuse to talk to are the ones that say "I'm going to murder you." And that would mostly be because I will be too busy running away or defending myself.

Come on now, what 11 year old ISN'T pathetic in some way? Let's cut the little weirdo a little slack, at least until puberty.

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

In addition, if she grew up in a environment where people usually do bible study (and perhaps majority of people are Christians), it might give her a notion that it's but normal for ALL people to do such, hence she (perhaps) wanted your kids to participate and reacted that way when you said you aren't Christians. I think that way when I was a kid. I thought all people believe in the belief system that I follow and that all people do whatever practices that is within it, so back then I find it "odd" when I see people not praying the rosary for example.

Funny - something like that came up in Chat the other day.

Except for my grandmother (in whose case I chalked it up to being "old-fashioned" generally), the first time I encountered someone who expressed serious belief in Christianity was when I was 12 or 13. I was completely surprised.

I had been exposed to Christian ideas growing up, but in a measured way: my "Child's Bible Stories" book was on the shelf right next to Aesop's Fables and Dr. Seuss. I think I decided that the story of Noah and the Ark was supposed to be taken in the same spirit as the story of the Ant and the Grasshopper or Horton Hears a Who: something that might have a valuable message, but was meant to be understood non-literally. We'd sing about baby Jesus in the manger in between songs about Frosty the Snowman and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Until I found out that one of my classmates was deeply devout, it just never occurred to me that Christianity was something that someone was supposed to take as a serious set of factual claims.

 

[Renji]

Funny - something like that came up in Chat the other day.

Except for my grandmother (in whose case I chalked it up to being "old-fashioned" generally), the first time I encountered someone who expressed serious belief in Christianity was when I was 12 or 13. I was completely surprised.

I had been exposed to Christian ideas growing up, but in a measured way: my "Child's Bible Stories" book was on the shelf right next to Aesop's Fables and Dr. Seuss. I think I decided that the story of Noah and the Ark was supposed to be taken in the same spirit as the story of the Ant and the Grasshopper or Horton Hears a Who: something that might have a valuable message, but was meant to be understood non-literally. We'd sing about baby Jesus in the manger in between songs about Frosty the Snowman and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Until I found out that one of my classmates was deeply devout, it just never occurred to me that Christianity was something that someone was supposed to take as a serious set of factual claims.

I just based my response to a theory in psychology. I forgot who exactly proposed it and what exactly it is called, but it states that the environment where a person is, affects his/her behavior, notions (can include religious views) and the way that person thinks. In that case, I just assumed that if a person grew up in an environment where something (e.g bible study) is generally accepted, in some point of that person's life (or even lifetime)he or she might think that all people do it so for her, it's ok to ask someone to attend bible study and then she kinda find it something "new" that Draka isn't interested (let me just coin that term) so reacted to that "stimulus" negatively. But yeah, it's not something that applies to all. It's just a possibility.

 

[Draka]

Yeah, she did seem pretty confused that I wasn't interested. Like it was just something I should have been just thrilled about getting my kids into. She really pushed how great it was to the point that I almost felt like I had to apologize to her for not being Christian. I can't blame an 11y/o really, but if it had been an adult who had done that I would have been upset as I shouldn't have to be put on the spot like that, you know?

 

[Reverend Rick]

You did good Draka.

 

[Renji]

Yeah, she did seem pretty confused that I wasn't interested. Like it was just something I should have been just thrilled about getting my kids into. She really pushed how great it was to the point that I almost felt like I had to apologize to her for not being Christian. I can't blame an 11y/o really, but if it had been an adult who had done that I would have been upset as I shouldn't have to be put on the spot like that, you know?

So true. It would have been different if I, for example did that. It's kinda hard to say no to kids, it gives some sort of guilty feeling (not saying that that is what you are feeling; just the possibility ). But yeah, you're just being honest Draka. She will understand it someday perhaps.

 

[waitasec]

There is an 11y/o girl who lives next door that I have chatted with from time to time while my kids and her younger brother and sister have played outside. Quite talkative and bubbly and nice, I have never had issue with her wanting to chat with me while the others have played. Today, she started asking about exactly what ages my kids were because she thought they would be a good fit for her brother and sister's youth bible group. She talked up the group for a bit and I smiled and told her while it sounded nice it wasn't something we would be interested in. She tried again, saying how fun it was, and I told her it did sound fun, that wasn't the issue, I just wouldn't be comfortable with the bible study itself. She gave me a weird look and I stated in an almost apologetic way that we weren't Christian. She turned around and walked away and went back to sitting on her back porch steps with her brother and hasn't spoken a word to me since. Shunned,...by an 11y/o...for not being a Christian. Wow. Up until then I was interesting and nice and whenever she saw me outside she made a direct line to me to chat with me. Suddenly...I have the plague. Imagine that.

it is interesting to note that some adults act the same way when faced with a dilemma...

 

[Me Myself]

In addition, if she grew up in a environment where people usually do bible study (and perhaps majority of people are Christians), it might give her a notion that it's but normal for ALL people to do such, hence she (perhaps) wanted your kids to participate and reacted that way when you said you aren't Christians. I think that way when I was a kid. I thought all people believe in the belief system that I follow and that all people do whatever practices that is within it, so back then I find it "odd" when I see people not praying the rosary for example.

I bet her bible group will say about her that:

She is being deluded by Satan

She doesn't have the commitment to be a christian

She is a bad person and its not a good idea to talk to her and one must also be very careful of her ideas.

Or maybe more than one of the above if not all.


Sadly this is the reality of today's world, but to be fair it has always been like this on one way or another (generally a more radical other) when it comes to human nature.

I gues the best you can do is just accept she wont come back, but if she does, do indeed just not talk about the subject or anything. Most likely than not she is going to report to bible group and mom and any false word might turn you into an "anti christ"

There are too many nasty highly manipulative paragraphs that are going to be printed and reinforced in her mind by the bible group to make this into such a black and white situation.

any non christian by choice is going to be regarded as either a victim or a victimizer and in many maybe most scenarios both.

It is really sad u.u

 

[Revoltingest]

There is an 11y/o girl who lives next door that I have chatted with from time to time while my kids and her younger brother and sister have played outside. Quite talkative and bubbly and nice, I have never had issue with her wanting to chat with me while the others have played. Today, she started asking about exactly what ages my kids were because she thought they would be a good fit for her brother and sister's youth bible group. She talked up the group for a bit and I smiled and told her while it sounded nice it wasn't something we would be interested in. She tried again, saying how fun it was, and I told her it did sound fun, that wasn't the issue, I just wouldn't be comfortable with the bible study itself. She gave me a weird look and I stated in an almost apologetic way that we weren't Christian. She turned around and walked away and went back to sitting on her back porch steps with her brother and hasn't spoken a word to me since. Shunned,...by an 11y/o...for not being a Christian. Wow. Up until then I was interesting and nice and whenever she saw me outside she made a direct line to me to chat with me. Suddenly...I have the plague. Imagine that.

Perhaps the kid doesn't think ill of you at all.
It could be that you threaten the only worldview that she's ever known.
She might just be scared about her confusion.

 

[Renji]

I bet her bible group will say about her that:

She is being deluded by Satan

She doesn't have the commitment to be a christian

She is a bad person and its not a good idea to talk to her and one must also be very careful of her ideas.

Or maybe more than one of the above if not all.


Sadly this is the reality of today's world, but to be fair it has always been like this on one way or another (generally a more radical other) when it comes to human nature.

I gues the best you can do is just accept she wont come back, but if she does, do indeed just not talk about the subject or anything. Most likely than not she is going to report to bible group and mom and any false word might turn you into an "anti christ"

There are too many nasty highly manipulative paragraphs that are going to be printed and reinforced in her mind by the bible group to make this into such a black and white situation.

any non christian by choice is going to be regarded as either a victim or a victimizer and in many maybe most scenarios both.

It is really sad u.u

Facepalm.