Single's Wards and Congregations

[jonny]

I've been meaning to start this for a while, but just am getting around to it now.

In the LDS church we have what are called "Single's Wards." For those who don't know what a ward is, it is what we call our congregations (I'm not sure what they are called in other churches because I don't think that every religion organizes itself by geographic boundaries).

Anyway, single's wards are only for young, single members of the church. Most of the time the members are between the ages of 18 and 30. The only married people in the ward are the members of the bishopric, who according to church doctrine must be married. Other than the bishopric, the single members take over responsibility for every aspect of the congregation. Usually the wards are associated with a college, but it isn't always the case.

On the side, the single's wards are joked about a little because they can turn into a meat market. The goal of a single's ward is to get all the members into family wards as soon as possible. There was even a movie made about them a few years ago.

I have my own opinion of the pros and cons of such a congregation, but I'd like to hear the opinion of some of you before I spill my thoughts. Is this something that other churches even do? Would you support your church starting a program like this?

 

[Faint]

I can't think of many cons. What's the girl to guy ratio (that's very important)? Get some crates of wine, a DJ that spins dance tracks all night, make clothing optional, and I might start attending your church.

 

[jonny]

I can't think of many cons. What's the girl to guy ratio (that's very important)? Get some crates of wine, a DJ that spins dance tracks all night, make clothing optional, and I might start attending your church.

Lots of HOT girls. There are actually a lot in my ward from Orange County, CA. Don't know why. I'd say that it's probably 60% girls.

 

[Aqualung]

All the hot guys in my singles ward are already taken. They probably won't be in the singles ward much longer! Ours might be pretty close to 1/1 girl to guy ratio, though.

 

[nutshell]

I've found there's a ton of HOT chicks and a bunch of creepy guys.

Interestingly, it was when I was attending a singles ward that I fell away from the church.

BTW...I've come back.

 

[Feathers in Hair]

After my parents divorced, my dad would attend "singles groups" at his church. Unfortunately, the focus of going to church then seemed to be more dating than spiritual fulfillment. (Although, since perhaps that was more what he was looking for at the time, I guess that was okay.)

I'm not really "looking for love" at the moment, but I think a pagan singles group would be something I might attend, if such a thing existed. (But, boy, I imagine it'd be rowdy.)

 

[Alicia]

One problem I know of with singles wards is that they don't have a primary program. That's probably not a problem for the majority of single people in the ward, of course. However, my best friend is single but is also a parent. She goes to the family ward because she feels she fits in better with other parents, and also because she wants her daughter to go to primary. However, this way she doesn't meet the single guys of the church (as you say, singles ward is in many ways a good way to find a mate). She had occasionally gone to the singles ward events, but she feels like they are all so young, so she doesn't much. I just tell her that the longer she waits, the younger they're going to get!

Anyway, that's my problem with singles ward, is that it forces single parents into the choice between going to singles ward because they are single, or going to family ward because they have a kid!

I think that it's preferable to have a singles group at church, but not a seperate congregation.

By the way, we watched the movie Singles Ward just a few weeks ago and it was pretty funny.

 

[jonny]

You must know a lot of Mormons (or have been a Mormon) if you thought Singles Ward was funny. It has a lot of inside jokes that I don't see people outside the church getting unless they have had a lot of contact with the church.

I do see that as a potential problem with Singles Wards, but in the one I am in right now nobody lives in the ward who has children (its a BYU apartment complex) so that isn't really an issue here.

There is a lot of pressure in the LDS church to get married young, so I can see where she would be frustrated about the lack of older single people (older being anyone over than 23 ). I'm one of those out-of-the-ordinary Mormons who has made it to 26. I would like to get married now that I'm out of school though.

 

[jonny]

I was going to add - the family wards also have singles programs. The singles wards are voluntary unless you happen to be going to school in Provo, in which case almost every ward is a singles ward (BYU has over 250 singles wards).

 

[Aqualung]

I'm one of those out-of-the-ordinary Mormons who has made it to 26. I would like to get married now that I'm out of school though.

I bet most of the guys in my singles ward have been back from their missions for a few years now. We have a lot of older guys. We also have one girl who has a kid, but she's getting married soon, so she won't be in our ward for much longer.

 

[Alicia]

You must know a lot of Mormons (or have been a Mormon) if you thought Singles Ward was funny. It has a lot of inside jokes that I don't see people outside the church getting unless they have had a lot of contact with the church.

He he... yah. My best friend is LDS (as I mentioned) so I know a lot about it from her and her other friends. She lives in this community where there are tons of Mormons, so anytime I go to her house there are lots around. Sometimes I feel like an honorary Mormon or something just because I know the terminology!

I do see that as a potential problem with Singles Wards, but in the one I am in right now nobody lives in the ward who has children (its a BYU apartment complex) so that isn't really an issue here.

Yah, I wouldn't imagine that it would be a big problem in most singles wards. I think she's the only single person in her church with a kid anyway. But it would be a bigger problem say in my church if we were to do that.

There is a lot of pressure in the LDS church to get married young, so I can see where she would be frustrated about the lack of older single people (older being anyone over than 23 ). I'm one of those out-of-the-ordinary Mormons who has made it to 26. I would like to get married now that I'm out of school though.

Yah, she's 29 even. She feels like all those young college kids are way young!

 

[painted wolf]

I have to say while I was a Mormon I truely disliked this practice...
I felt that like you said.. I was in a meat market.. my value was only good if I had a husband (non mormons need not apply) and kids...lots of kids.
I remember sitting in the young womans group and being told how to look to get a husband... we watched a video on what men wanted to see in thier women...most physically... nice hair, nice nails and so on.

Honestly it sickend me. This was one of the biggest things that made me start to think I walking the wrong path.

wa:do

 

[michel]

I have to say while I was a Mormon I truely disliked this practice...
I felt that like you said.. I was in a meat market.. my value was only good if I had a husband (non mormons need not apply) and kids...lots of kids.
I remember sitting in the young womans group and being told how to look to get a husband... we watched a video on what men wanted to see in thier women...most physically... nice hair, nice nails and so on.

Honestly it sickend me. This was one of the biggest things that made me start to think I walking the wrong path.

wa:do

That's such a shame; but I think I'd probably think just the same as you.

 

[jonny]

I have to say while I was a Mormon I truely disliked this practice...
I felt that like you said.. I was in a meat market.. my value was only good if I had a husband (non mormons need not apply) and kids...lots of kids.
I remember sitting in the young womans group and being told how to look to get a husband... we watched a video on what men wanted to see in thier women...most physically... nice hair, nice nails and so on.

Honestly it sickend me. This was one of the biggest things that made me start to think I walking the wrong path.

Parents were good for setting me straight. I remember my seminary teacher telling us that the order of importance in our life was 1. mission 2. marriage 3. education. I came home and told my mom who said, "Don't you even think about getting married until you are done with school."

I don't know what to say about the video. In Young Mens they always tried to teach us that what was on the outside wasn't important (yadda, yadda, yadda). I would probably be a little put off if I had to watch a video like you described.

 

[Terrywoodenpic]

The whole Idea is a surprise to me.
I have alwas thought of a church as reflecting its whole community.
Every one of every age sex and status all together.
Even those attending sunday school come and join the service for a blessing.

I know I would have found it distracting in my youger days.
Now I would find the church services pretty bleak with out the younger members about.

Terry____________________________-
Amen! Truly I say to you: Gather in my name. I am with you.

 

[SoyLeche]

The whole Idea is a surprise to me.
I have alwas thought of a church as reflecting its whole community.
Every one of every age sex and status all together.
Even those attending sunday school come and join the service for a blessing.

I know I would have found it distracting in my youger days.
Now I would find the church services pretty bleak with out the younger members about.

Terry____________________________-
Amen! Truly I say to you: Gather in my name. I am with you.

I did enjoy coming back to my parents ward every once in a while when I was at BYU because the teachers were for the most part older and more experienced. Even when I went to the Young Single Adult Sunday School class in my parents ward, the teachers were married adults (they taught as a team). I felt I learned more from them than from students my age.

I guess they both have their place, though.

 

[painted wolf]

In my actual church it was mixed... everyone together... but after the services everyone was broken up into age/sex peer groups for 'lessons'.

I just wanted to be friends with the guys... I had no intrest in future mateing opportunities... but the whole institutionalized drive to make more Mormons made that impossible.

My mother definatly pushed for education first...(thank god I listened to her) but she was a single mother and was facing her own pressures in that area I'm sure... I got to hear a lot about how bad single mothers are from the churches perspective... I found myself defending her far more often than I should have had to.

wa:do

 

[jonny]

The whole Idea is a surprise to me.
I have alwas thought of a church as reflecting its whole community.
Every one of every age sex and status all together.
Even those attending sunday school come and join the service for a blessing.

I know I would have found it distracting in my youger days.
Now I would find the church services pretty bleak with out the younger members about.

I don't know what else you'd do in a town with around 60,000 students and the majority of them LDS (a.k.a. Provo).