Spankings

[Hacker]

I don't like to spank my child but if she doesn't comply by the third time I tell her to not do something and she is still defient, then I don't see anything wrong with a little spank on the bottom, not hard but just enough to sting. It actually works though because NOW when she sees me getting up when she's not behaving, she automatically complys cause she knows what I'm getting up to do ...so I can't even remember the last time I spanked her so this method HAS worked for me. And another method that I have found effective was talking to her in a normal tone of voice instead of yelling, I'm telling you they will listen and comply if you don't yell! LIke if she's playing with her cousins and refuses to share her toys, I ask her if I can talk to her and I say, "Miranda, you know that not sharing your toys isn't nice and if you continue to act that way, you may not have any friends, so be a nice girl and share please." ANd she says, "Okay Mommy" and she WILL actually share what ever toy wasn't shared. Abuse is a whole diffrent story, I dont even want to go into detail but I'm sure you know what i mean.

 

[Terrywoodenpic]

Spanking seems to be a cultural thing.
Large parts of northern europe don't spank.
Though it was the norm in the UK.
There seems to be no difference in the behaviour of the resulting adults.

Perhaps we are too close to the political correct non spanking change, that has come about , to be able to judge accurately any benefit or change in people that has come from the rejection of spanking.

I remember that as I boy I much preferred a spanking as it got the punishment over with. temporary pain has never been a problem for me. what makes you behave is the fear of pain, not the pain itself.

 

[Flappycat]

Generally, I tended to listen to anyone who'd actually talk to me in a normal tone of voice and stop scaring me. Otherwise, they were the Great Enemy and were to be resisted and undermined at all costs. Lay your hands on me? HOW DARE YOU?! DIE, SINNER!! It was simplistic reasoning: people who attack you are bad, and people who talk to you are generally okay.

I really disliked being a kid.

 

[Random]

I'm generally against spanking for disciplinary purposes, but it's not the worst form of punishment, some kids do learn from it.

I am totally for spanking as a type of sexual foreplay.

 

[Booko]

Generally, I tended to listen to anyone who'd actually talk to me in a normal tone of voice and stop scaring me. Otherwise, they were the Great Enemy and were to be resisted and undermined at all costs. Lay your hands on me? HOW DARE YOU?! DIE, SINNER!! It was simplistic reasoning: people who attack you are bad, and people who talk to you are generally okay.

I really disliked being a kid.

You must be my twin. Hm, were you adopted? I was -- maybe they gave us to different families. :biglaugh:

 

[michel]

No I don't. They're a normal part of the parenting process.

I rarely spanked my Children; it was a 'last resort' kind of punishment (usually where urgency was the dominant factor).

Spanking was a quick way of distracting, of making a point, nothing more sinister.

 

[Pardus]

It really depends on the kid. My mom used to "ground" me, which meant I had to stay inside...with my books. And she wouldn't bother me about going to play with my nasty neighbor kids. Heavenly! I looked to get grounded quite a bit.

If she'd taken away my books, that would've killed me!

Now, keeping my brother at home...that worked *really* well on him. He was always out socializing.

With my kids, you take my son's computer priveleges away, and he sure will notice. Especially if, now that he has so much available time, he has to put it to good use helping me out with chores around the house. :devil:

Most of the time, when my kids tried to be disrespectful, all I had to do was explain why it was disrespectful. In more extreme cases, I would explain that I was now going to demonstrate why their disrespectful behaviour was wrong -- and then I would turn the tables on them and treat them the way they were treating me. Not in anger, but just matter-of-fact.

I don't think it ever went into the next day before they would apologize and mend their ways. They were both reduced to tears pretty quickly when it was their ox being gored.

Incidentally, this works even better getting kids to understand why lying is bad. :cover: It's not a nice lesson to have to teach them, but you won't have to do it much before it really really sticks.

Exactly how i am going to raise kids when i have them, i do not believe spanking the child teaches them right from wrong, it just teaches them what things you will hit them for.

Now if you want stories of abuse, i can give you many, one uncle would on occassion hit his child with a bike chain, another uncle had his children so scared of him that one of them would **** themselves when he entered the room.

Funnily enough this conversation came up recently with a friend, and he held to the fact that "my parents did it to me and i turned out fine", funnily enough his parents have no real relationship with their children, and the killer is that hey disagree with spenking these days.

 

[doppelganger]

We don't spank. I've never found the need for it. There are plenty of other ways to reward/discipline behavior that work much better. Also, I think it gives a child the impression that inflicting physical pain on someone is an acceptable solution to a disagreement. The underlying principle is that the parents can be physically bullying because of their power. Not a good message in my opinion.

 

[lizskid]

Nope, spankings do not have to be creepy. I think, used in moderation, they can be a good correction tool. Not for physical violence and not overused. Some things call for a spanking to emphasize their severity. I think the rear is a safe area because of "padding" but removal of clothing is overkill.

 

[Flappycat]

I think that most cases in which any kind of formalized physical striking takes any positive effect at all are those in which you've got the kid sitting still for it and actually listening while you lecture, much like smacking a pup for chewing up your shoes after ignoring a teething toy only works if the pup already knows who's boss. A kid who's screaming and crying and trying to bolt probably can't really think anything but "DEAR CHRIST MAKE THIS SCARY PERSON GO AWAY!" and, much like a pup who was abused under the same circumstances, will find a place to hide and violently attack anyone who comes too close. If your kid runs away or otherwise resists discipline, you should spend more time doing things to convince your kid that your opinion is important; if there's any similarity between kids and pups (pardon me, but this is the only experience with young ones I have), playing a game of catch or chess from time to time could help straighten out your relationship. Without the presence of a relationship, any attempt you make to correct a kid's behavior will just make you look scary and mean. If there's a strong relationship present, I think you'd be amazed how much the kid will quietly put up with. In the end, as cliche as it sounds, perhaps the best discipline for a child is love. It's the ultimate authority.

 

[doppelganger]

In the end, as cliche as it sounds, perhaps the best discipline for a child is love. It's the ultimate authority.

Amen.

I would add, children learn much, much more from what we decide to do for ourselves then they learn from what we consciously consider teaching and discipline.

 

[Flappycat]

I would add, children learn much, much more from what we decide to do for ourselves then they learn from what we consciously consider teaching and discipline.

"Do as I say, not as I do," generally tended to broadcast to me an admitted fault in my parents' character, which tended to weigh against them a lot.

 

[Booko]

if there's any similarity between kids and pups (pardon me, but this is the only experience with young ones I have),

<ahem> Actually, I drew heavily on my knowledge of training bird dogs when I had to deal with toddlers. There's a lot of similarity there.

 

[Mercy Not Sacrifice]

Hmm.

Seven "yes" votes, but not much word from them. So those of you who said "no," you do realize what would be going on if a swat to the bottom were changed from causing physical pain to causing physical pleasure, right?

And that the latter is outright condemned by society, but the former is not?

 

[Buttons*]

I was spanked a lot as a kid. I turned out okay... i think....

 

[Callous]

I think there is a difference between spanking and whipping. In the animal kingdom young mammals are scolded by nurturing adults. Rarely do you see animals become overly vicious with the young.
I know we are above the animals in evaluation (I say lightly).

 

[Tigress]

I think it's creepy in the sense that a lot of parents who spank are the same parents who condemn other sorts of physical violence. To put it plainly, the fact that these folks aren't willing to extend the same courtesy to their children, of all people, is just backward, in my opinion.

 

[quadrophenic_9]

My mom gave up on spanking us when she broke a wooden spoon over my older brother's butt and he laughed. He was like 6!

 

[Tigress]

lol Yeah, spanking never worked for me either, though they still tried.--I remember my parents asking me 'Do you think this is funny?' Now, keep in mind that as they said this, their faces were as red as a fire engine, and I could picture the smoke billowing out from their ears. Yes, I'm sorry, but of course it's funny. In fact, I've always thought it was downright hilarious.

 

[Mercy Not Sacrifice]

My mom gave up on spanking us when she broke a wooden spoon over my older brother's butt and he laughed. He was like 6!

That actually happened to me once, but it was with a flimsy meterstick.

Got me out of the rest of the spanking, though!