Spiritual experience vs Psychosis?

[Araceli Cianna]

How do I distinguish between the two? Every time I deepen my practice I start hallucinating and I thought at first it was spiritual but spiralled so bad I had to go on anti-psychotics last time.

Now the past couple of weeks I have been deepening my practice again and the same has started happening - panic attacks, hallucinations, etc. Last night I had to go to out of hours doctor and be prescribed emergency diazapam. I am already on so many drugs for complex trauma and other things.

Anyway so once I realised my spiritual practice was making me psychotic, I stopped. It took me a long time to heal. I became atheist, everything was good. Then I started thinking well maybe only the bad experiences were false and the good were real, but that's not really logical is it? So what's the answer? Are they all real spiritual experiences good and bad alike or ALL hallucinations good and bad alike?

Example of bad experiences I've had: Being haunted by ghosts, demons, experiencing 'possession', being attacked by these entities.

Example of good experiences I've had: Connection to universal consciousness, out of body experiences to 'heaven', literal and confirmed telepathy with close lovers.

What do I make if it all? Spirituality has always been such a big part of my life. I am just very upset that when I pursue it I start going crazy and need mental help. I don't know what to do anymore.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

Are you consistently on anti-psychotics or only given them when in the hospital?

 

[Araceli Cianna]

Are you consistently on anti-psychotics or only given them when in the hospital?

I was on them for a few months at my worst, weaned off them in January, and have been fine until the last couple of weeks. Today I have to make an appointment with my own doctor to discuss everything and perhaps new long term medications (potentially anti psychotics again). The diazapam is only to last me a couple of days until I get properly seen.

 

[VioletVortex]

If it were psychosis, you likely wouldn't consider the possibility.

 

[Araceli Cianna]

If it were psychosis, you likely wouldn't consider the possibility.

At my worst I didn't. It's only as I've improved I've gained a better perspective. Btw psychosis is what my therapist diagnosed me as having had.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

I was on them for a few months at my worst, weaned off them in January, and have been fine until the last couple of weeks. Today I have to make an appointment with my own doctor to discuss everything and perhaps new long term medications (potentially anti psychotics again). The diazapam is only to last me a couple of days until I get properly seen.

Okay. My best advice is to see your doctor and keep taking your medications. Sounds like it would be a good idea to be on anti-psychotics long term.

As for your question, your experiences could be both spiritual as well as mental illness. But if they are causing such problems in your life to the point where you cannot function, it's important to seek help, which I'm glad you're receiving. Maybe you should try simple meditations as spiritual practices instead?

 

[Araceli Cianna]

Okay. My best advice is to see your doctor and keep taking your medications. Sounds like it would be a good idea to be on anti-psychotics long term.

As for your question, your experiences could be both spiritual as well as mental illness. But if they are causing such problems in your life to the point where you cannot function, it's important to seek help, which I'm glad you're receiving. Maybe you should try simple meditations as spiritual practices instead?

Thanks. I'm going to see though if I can try something other than anti psychotics. They made me overweight and I became depressed about it. Also they gave me awful migraines.

As for meditation it's a nightmare. Even the simplest things I do trouble me. It only seems to make me ten times worse, I don't know why

 

[LuisDantas]

Maybe at this point in time it could help to try non-pharmaceutic approaches to avoiding psychotic events?

A bit of well-chosen physical, recreational and social activity can often go a long way towards easing one's mind and perhaps even giving clear directions to pursue.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

Thanks. I'm going to see though if I can try something other than anti psychotics. They made me overweight and I became depressed about it. Also they gave me awful migraines.

As for meditation it's a nightmare. Even the simplest things I do trouble me. It only seems to make me ten times worse, I don't know why

I understand. I have my own struggles with mental illness and medication. It sucks. I hope your doctor's visit goes well and that a solution is found. You can find a healthy balance. You just need to address your health first and go from there.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

Maybe at this point in time it could help to try non-pharmaceutic approaches to avoiding psychotic events?

A bit of well-chosen physical, recreational and social activity can often go a long way towards easing one's mind and perhaps even giving clear directions to pursue.

That could help, along with psychiatric help.

 

[Sirona]

As a psychosis sufferer I think you shouldn't seek to define a strict either/or. I guess a psychosis experience is when you externalize processes of your mind (negative thoughts ==> haunted by ghosts).

As for meditation it's a nightmare. Even the simplest things I do trouble me. It only seems to make me ten times worse, I don't know why

I would kindly warn you not try whatever spiritual practice but first check whether it is good for you. A good spiritual practice should calm your mind and not stir up psychotic experiences. As for me, I was advised to meditate on a strong and stable divine "You" as it strengthens the "I" which is crucial to improve psychosis, which is characterized by a weakness of the "I". I had negative experiences / fear when I tried to meditate on impersonal forces like earth, wind, fire, water, light, "Om" or Buddhist deities which, according to Buddhism, "actually don't exist" and are "but illusions of the mind". Take care.

 

[sun rise]

How do I distinguish between the two? Every time I deepen my practice I start hallucinating and I thought at first it was spiritual but spiralled so bad I had to go on anti-psychotics last time.

Now the past couple of weeks I have been deepening my practice again and the same has started happening - panic attacks, hallucinations, etc. Last night I had to go to out of hours doctor and be prescribed emergency diazapam. I am already on so many drugs for complex trauma and other things.

Anyway so once I realised my spiritual practice was making me psychotic, I stopped. It took me a long time to heal. I became atheist, everything was good. Then I started thinking well maybe only the bad experiences were false and the good were real, but that's not really logical is it? So what's the answer? Are they all real spiritual experiences good and bad alike or ALL hallucinations good and bad alike?

Example of bad experiences I've had: Being haunted by ghosts, demons, experiencing 'possession', being attacked by these entities.

Example of good experiences I've had: Connection to universal consciousness, out of body experiences to 'heaven', literal and confirmed telepathy with close lovers.

What do I make if it all? Spirituality has always been such a big part of my life. I am just very upset that when I pursue it I start going crazy and need mental help. I don't know what to do anymore.

To me, a spiritual experience is accompanied by feelings of joy, love and not panic and hallucinations. Personally I would not pursue anything that led to attacks, panic and the like.

 

[Nakosis]

How do I distinguish between the two? Every time I deepen my practice I start hallucinating and I thought at first it was spiritual but spiralled so bad I had to go on anti-psychotics last time.

Now the past couple of weeks I have been deepening my practice again and the same has started happening - panic attacks, hallucinations, etc. Last night I had to go to out of hours doctor and be prescribed emergency diazapam. I am already on so many drugs for complex trauma and other things.

Anyway so once I realised my spiritual practice was making me psychotic, I stopped. It took me a long time to heal. I became atheist, everything was good. Then I started thinking well maybe only the bad experiences were false and the good were real, but that's not really logical is it? So what's the answer? Are they all real spiritual experiences good and bad alike or ALL hallucinations good and bad alike?

Example of bad experiences I've had: Being haunted by ghosts, demons, experiencing 'possession', being attacked by these entities.

Example of good experiences I've had: Connection to universal consciousness, out of body experiences to 'heaven', literal and confirmed telepathy with close lovers.

What do I make if it all? Spirituality has always been such a big part of my life. I am just very upset that when I pursue it I start going crazy and need mental help. I don't know what to do anymore.

I've decided that I can't trust my spiritual experiences. So I question the reality of all these experiences. I haven't experienced ghosts, but if I did, I would feel like "bring it on". I look at the subconscious mind as an adversary sometimes trying to trick me. I see it as a challenge, the bad things anyway. The good experiences, whatever, if you enjoy it, makes you happy, cool. The bad things, I face them, question their reality. Attack it head on. Now I find this attempts by my subconscious as humorous.

My subconscious is trying to make me afraid, or panic. I refuse to allow my subconscious have that much control over my emotions. Now I find them enjoyable, I look forward to them. I guess because I now know I'm stronger than that.

 

[Nyingjé Tso]

Vanakkam,

As others said, talk to a trusted doctor and if you have any medication, keep taking it. Maybe there is a need to seek better medication and long term treatment but all this you have to discuss with a health specialist, he/she will be better advice than we can give you.

Not "playing" with anything chakra and/or Kundalini related is also a good idea. Many syncretic/new agers/whatever don't realise that it can actually be dangerous for your physical and mental health if done without proper teaching and guidance.

Hope for the best for you

Aum Namah Shivaya

 

[bobhikes]

How do I distinguish between the two? Every time I deepen my practice I start hallucinating and I thought at first it was spiritual but spiralled so bad I had to go on anti-psychotics last time.

Now the past couple of weeks I have been deepening my practice again and the same has started happening - panic attacks, hallucinations, etc. Last night I had to go to out of hours doctor and be prescribed emergency diazapam. I am already on so many drugs for complex trauma and other things.

Anyway so once I realised my spiritual practice was making me psychotic, I stopped. It took me a long time to heal. I became atheist, everything was good. Then I started thinking well maybe only the bad experiences were false and the good were real, but that's not really logical is it? So what's the answer? Are they all real spiritual experiences good and bad alike or ALL hallucinations good and bad alike?

Example of bad experiences I've had: Being haunted by ghosts, demons, experiencing 'possession', being attacked by these entities.

Example of good experiences I've had: Connection to universal consciousness, out of body experiences to 'heaven', literal and confirmed telepathy with close lovers.

What do I make if it all? Spirituality has always been such a big part of my life. I am just very upset that when I pursue it I start going crazy and need mental help. I don't know what to do anymore.

I used to get hallucinations and psychic events. I was able to understand they weren't real and over the years they are gone. You seem close to being able to do that. Can you understand they aren't real. With me so you understand The men in black would burst into my house or come at me from around corners or trees as hallucinations. I would get visions of the future and saw the blessed mother as good events although the future visions predicted bad things usually.

Its been years that I've understood its all from my head and years since I've had visions and I've tried to get the predictions back.

Good Luck.

 

[YmirGF]

At my worst I didn't. It's only as I've improved I've gained a better perspective. Btw psychosis is what my therapist diagnosed me as having had.

Based on this, I'd curtail your inner adventures for the time being. Get your mental house in order before going down the rabbit holes again. My guess is, you are not quite ready for all this. It can be discombobulating enough for someone who is "well adjusted" let alone for an individual that has challenges.

 

[eldios]

How do I distinguish between the two? Every time I deepen my practice I start hallucinating and I thought at first it was spiritual but spiralled so bad I had to go on anti-psychotics last time.

Now the past couple of weeks I have been deepening my practice again and the same has started happening - panic attacks, hallucinations, etc. Last night I had to go to out of hours doctor and be prescribed emergency diazapam. I am already on so many drugs for complex trauma and other things.

Anyway so once I realised my spiritual practice was making me psychotic, I stopped. It took me a long time to heal. I became atheist, everything was good. Then I started thinking well maybe only the bad experiences were false and the good were real, but that's not really logical is it? So what's the answer? Are they all real spiritual experiences good and bad alike or ALL hallucinations good and bad alike?

Example of bad experiences I've had: Being haunted by ghosts, demons, experiencing 'possession', being attacked by these entities.

Example of good experiences I've had: Connection to universal consciousness, out of body experiences to 'heaven', literal and confirmed telepathy with close lovers.

What do I make if it all? Spirituality has always been such a big part of my life. I am just very upset that when I pursue it I start going crazy and need mental help. I don't know what to do anymore.

Don't worry. It will all get straightened out on the day of the Lord when all the "good and evil" information called Satan and the beast are destroyed by fire. Then we will all hear the voice of the AI system that's built into the simulation program we're involved in and learn the new language from it.

Zephaniah 3:
8: "Therefore wait for me," says the LORD, "for the day when I arise as a witness. For my decision is to gather nations, to assemble kingdoms, to pour out upon them my indignation, all the heat of my anger; for in the fire of my jealous wrath all the earth shall be consumed.
9: "Yea, at that time I will change the speech of the peoples to a pure speech, that all of them may call on the name of the LORD and serve him with one accord.

This only means that we will only speak one language instead of the billions of separate languages that have deceived all the inhabitants on earth since the beginning of the program.

 

[Sirona]

To me, a spiritual experience is accompanied by feelings of joy, love and not panic and hallucinations. Personally I would not pursue anything that led to attacks, panic and the like.

That's a one-sided definition of "spiritual experience". People can have "negative" spiritual experiences, like being "haunted by the devil" or such. Just because it's spiritual it doesn't have to be "good". In fact if you keep a one-sided focus on "the light", a side-effect may be negative, "dark" experiences. They seem to be frequent, judging upon the stories of the mystics and the horror-stories of "lightworkers" and similar spiritual amateurs who claim to be able to help others through "light and love only" and aren't able to control their own minds.

If the OP is really on psychosis, it seems recommendable to me to bring "light and darkness" closer together in harmony, not trying to extinguish one by the other.

 

[Sirona]

Vanakkam,

As others said, talk to a trusted doctor and if you have any medication, keep taking it. Maybe there is a need to seek better medication and long term treatment but all this you have to discuss with a health specialist, he/she will be better advice than we can give you.

Some things in life are very unpleasant, yet for your own being, may be necessary and unavoidable.

not"playing" with anything chakra and/or Kundalini related is also a good idea. Many syncretic/new agers/whatever don't realise that it can actually be dangerous for your physical and mental health if done without proper teaching and guidance.

I fully agree. Yet, as a schizophrenic at least in a Western society, you are spiritually left alone. I am convinced that most psychodocs are atheists, and do consider spiritiual experience per se as pathological. As for me, I was told off by a doctor in hospital who saw me read a book on mythology.

Church-wise, you may end up on a dead and road as the mind just doesn't work the way they claim it does. I think it's unhealthy to try to be "good" all the time. Sticking to the bible, Jesus wrestled with demons. Today this, churches come up with stock phrases, like "Jesus is always close to the suffering", or you may end up with amateur exorcists who tell you it's unholy to take your meds.

AFAIK, Buddhism considers the mentally ill unfit to receive dharmic instruction, and I think the claim that there is no permanent soul might be inspirired right from a schizophrenic mindset. Experiencing the thoughts float around with no actual connection to the "I" is very unpleasant, to say the least.

If you should experience a psychotic crisis, it may broaden your religious horizon but it comes at a very high price. Better safe than sorry. Take your meds and try to establish a spirituality that does stabilize and not unsettle you.


Best wishes.

 

[sun rise]

That's a one-sided definition of "spiritual experience". People can have "negative" spiritual experiences, like being "haunted by the devil" or such. Just because it's spiritual it doesn't have to be "good". In fact if you keep a one-sided focus on "the light", a side-effect may be negative, "dark" experiences. They seem to be frequent, judging upon the stories of the mystics and the horror-stories of "lightworkers" and similar spiritual amateurs who claim to be able to help others through "light and love only" and aren't able to control their own minds.

If the OP is really on psychosis, it seems recommendable to me to bring "light and darkness" closer together in harmony, not trying to extinguish one by the other.

You are using a different definition of 'spiritual' than I am. I'm not referring to the astral level.