I took the title of this thread from CS Lewis' book, in which he makes what is known as the argument from desire that God exists. He describes experiences he had in his life that elevated him to ecstasy, but a painful ecstasy full of longing. I'd like to talk about these kinds of experiences, but triggered by music.
I suspect that most of you are going to think I'm nuts, but a few of you who have had these same reactions are going to understand. If you think I'm a whack job, please be kind with your responses, as it is very hard for me to reveal my heart.
I have been highly sensitive to music all my life. But although yes I'm a composer, honestly, these experiences usually happen when I listen to the music of others. For example, there was an occasion where I was teaching at a music magnet school, and we were at an assembly where a cellist from the local symphony played Tchaikovsky's Pas de Deux. I could not stop crying. And I mean I tried to stop -- my students were all watching me. But I was in absolute heaven. I have also become almost drunk singing in the choir during religious holidays, my body tingling all over, sometimes even walking into posts afterwards. LOL
What I'm trying to say is that music can put me into that same state of deep painful longing that Lewis tried to describe. When I read his book, I recognized immediately that he was talking about the same thing. I realize there are certain things I am more sensitive to. Cymbal swells always give me goosebumps. A walkup feels to me like an ascent into heaven, and a walkdown feels like a fall. Minor keys in particular move my heart. And oh my gosh those transitions into new keys!!! I would say that I have moved into an altered state of consciousness.
I believed music revealed something deep and profound. William James described this noetic quality as integral to mystical experiences. When I would say things like, "There is just so much truth in that," my family had to reason with me that music doesn't convey truth. It took them years before I finally acquiesced. But even though I know this in my head, in my heart, music is still truth.
So, is there any kindred spirits out there? Maybe we can share songs that really do it for us?