Telling your wife/girlfriend you love somebody else?

[Spiderman]

If I was to get with another woman, I would have to tell her my true love that I love more than anyone, the person on my mind more than anyone, my favorite person on earth is Lia. I would have to be honest and share that if I was to have another female significant other, right?

There is a beautiful Cambodian girl I know who I will take out to eat when I discharge from this IRTS facility, and she agreed to go out to eat with me (I will pay) but she has a son, has mental health, and substance abuse, and gambling issues, so not marriage option for me (though I love her dearly and she is single and beautiful).

But it seems to me to be very unfair to any woman, if I were to marry her, when my heart belongs to Lia. I literally fell for Lia, fell three stories onto concrete over her, made many sacrifices over her, pray for her and bless her more than any person I have ever met.

No woman wants to be married to a guy who is madly in love with some one else and fixated on her with an intensity, passion, fervent love that almost resembles adoration.

If I don't get married to Lia (which I don't consider it possible without an extreme miraculous healing on my end, and a miracle on her end as well) I don't see how I could marry any woman and still have a clean conscience, when Lia is by far the true love of my life.

What can I say, she causes paranormal experiences to happen to me, and the worst day of my life becomes euphoric just entering the same room as her. No human ever did that to me to such an extent, and my surname is alternative for Jacob, husband of Leah (Lia in Hebrew), but I know that is probably just a coincidence.

Her birthday is also the anniversary of my favorite presidents assassination. Also, just coincidence. My favorite Chinese zodiac is dragon like her, also coincidence. My favorite other zodiac is Scorpio (Lia). Scorpio and Dragon (usually Serpent but also Dragon) are assigned to my favorite Israelite tribe Dan, also just coincidence. Spider is one of the Scorpio 7 animals, and I am spiderman. Also coincidence. I met her because of the miracle of Fatima, 100 year anniversary of the miracle of Fatima. Fatima is my favorite Marian apparition.

Fatima is moon Goddess, and I named the moon Leah before meeting Lia, because the Moon represents Leah in Joseph's Old Testament dream Prophecy. Also coincidence.

In the 34 years I have lived, I have not had a fraction of the love I have for Lia, for any woman.

Just curious what your thoughts are on what is morally sound in such a difficult dilemma? Do I share with a wife or girlfriend that there is a woman I love far more than them, if in the future I have a wife or girlfriend again?

 

[Eyes to See]

When I was a teenager I fell madly in love with a googly-eyed young woman. Things didn't work out between us but that feeling was so strong in my heart for her it lasted over a decade after we broke up. But I married and am in love with my now wife and am so happy to be with her, we've been married now 23 years.

All I can tell you is that if you don't get married it may take your heart a long time to heal and forget her, from my personal experience, but time does heal the wounds, and you can find new love just as strong and enduring.

The euphoric feelings you describe are not actually real love, you are describing infatuation. And that will end. The only real lasting love that will bond people for life is the love described in the Bible:

"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous. It does not brag, does not get puffed up, does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. It does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails."-1 Corinthians 13:4-8.

If you were my child I would advise you to become stable, completely independent and capable of handling both yourself and your wife's physical, spiritual, and emotional needs. Then you will be a good husband and will be ready to marry. That is, if you were my child and I were giving you advise.

The only other advice I can give is this, in order to love your partner completely and unselfishly is to love yourself. If you don't love yourself you won't be able to give love to another person the way they deserve. And the only way to love yourself is to have self-respect. And the only way to real self-respect is by being a good person. To be a good person you must do God's will. And that entails reading God's word, meditating on it, praying to God for his holy spirit for his guidance and direction. When God forgives you you will forgive yourself, and when you feel God's love you will love yourself, and in turn that will move you to love everyone else, but especially your marriage mate, but everyone:

"We love, because he first loved us."-1 John 4:19.

"By this we will know that we originate with the truth, and we will assure our hearts before him  regarding whatever our hearts may condemn us in, because God is greater than our hearts and knows all things."-1 John 3:19, 20.

 

[Spiderman]

When I was a teenager I fell madly in love with a googly-eyed young woman. Things didn't work out between us but that feeling was so strong in my heart for her it lasted over a decade after we broke up. But I married and am in love with my now wife and am so happy to be with her, we've been married now 23 years.

All I can tell you is that if you don't get married it may take your heart a long time to heal and forget her, from my personal experience, but time does heal the wounds, and you can find new love just as strong and enduring.

The euphoric feelings you describe are not actually real love, you are describing infatuation. And that will end. The only real lasting love that will bond people for life is the love described in the Bible:

"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous. It does not brag, does not get puffed up, does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. It does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails."-1 Corinthians 13:4-8.

If you were my child I would advise you to become stable, completely independent and capable of handling both yourself and your wife's physical, spiritual, and emotional needs. Then you will be a good husband and will be ready to marry. That is, if you were my child and I were giving you advise.

The only other advice I can give is this, in order to love your partner completely and unselfishly is to love yourself. If you don't love yourself you won't be able to give love to another person the way they deserve. And the only way to love yourself is to have self-respect. And the only way to real self-respect is by being a good person. To be a good person you must do God's will. And that entails reading God's word, meditating on it, praying to God for his holy spirit for his guidance and direction. When God forgives you you will forgive yourself, and when you feel God's love you will love yourself, and in turn that will move you to love everyone else, but especially your marriage mate, but everyone:

"We love, because he first loved us."-1 John 4:19.

"By this we will know that we originate with the truth, and we will assure our hearts before him  regarding whatever our hearts may condemn us in, because God is greater than our hearts and knows all things."-1 John 3:19, 20.

Thank you!

You are the third person to tell me in the last few days, that before I can love anyone, I must first love myself, and respect myself.

If I threw myself off a building over her, she might wonder if I would do something like that to her, since I did it to me.

I can't give what I don't have. I must love myself before I can offer genuine love for others. But I know I do love her and want her to be happy for all eternity!

 

[JustGeorge]

But it seems to me to be very unfair to any woman, if I were to marry her, when my heart belongs to Lia. I literally fell for Lia, fell three stories onto concrete over her, made many sacrifices over her, pray for her and bless her more than any person I have ever met.

No woman wants to be married to a guy who is madly in love with some one else and fixated on her with an intensity, passion, fervent love that almost resembles adoration.

I think it would be unfair, too.

While you're still in the dating game, if you meet the 'just right' person, some of that may change. It may not. If you find you're madly in love with Lia while seeing someone else... you probably owe it to that person to communicate that(perhaps they will be understanding of the situation). Perhaps they will want someone who's affections they don't have to share. Just stay open and honest...

 

[Eyes to See]

Oh, I forgot to add one thing. Will your wife be upset if you share your feelings you had about someone else? No. My wife knows all about my first love, and she never felt upset or offended by it. Why should she? I didn't even know her then. If she is a good woman she would want you to share yourself with her. Woman tend to be sympathetic and kind in these ways.

ETA:

If you do it while you're dating I wouldn't dwell on it. Women are also very jealous.

 

[JustGeorge]

Oh, I forgot to add one thing. Will your wife be upset if you share your feelings you had about someone else? No. My wife knows all about my first love, and she never felt upset or offended by it. Why should she? I didn't even know her then. If she is a good woman she would want you to share yourself with her. Woman tend to be sympathetic and kind in these ways.

I don't think what applies to one woman applies to all women.

I don't want to hear about my husband's past relationships, other than outside of function. My husband also doesn't want to hear about my past relationships, other than what was functional(for example, Joe and I lived here for 5 years, but not necessarily my feelings for Joe). We both made this mutually clear in the beginning of our marriage.

However, some women(like your wife) aren't bothered at all. (And that's okay, too.)

You just have to know what your partner wants/needs from you. There is no one size fits all with relationships.

 

[JustGeorge]

Women are also very jealous.

Again, not all women are the same. Some women are very jealous. Some other women are not jealous at all. Just gotta know what they(and you) are comfortable with. (You tend to find that out through communication, of course.)

 

[Eyes to See]

I don't think what applies to one woman applies to all women.

I don't want to hear about my husband's past relationships, other than outside of function. My husband also doesn't want to hear about my past relationships, other than what was functional(for example, Joe and I lived here for 5 years, but not necessarily my feelings for Joe). We both made this mutually clear in the beginning of our marriage.

However, some women(like your wife) aren't bothered at all. (And that's okay, too.)

You just have to know what your partner wants/needs from you. There is no one size fits all with relationships.

Good points. Thank you for sharing.

 

[ChristineM]

Women are also very jealous.

Oh no, some are, some aren't.

 

[Eyes to See]

Oh no, some are, some aren't.

What is the old saying?

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." - Shakespeare.

 

[ChristineM]

What is the old saying?

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." - Shakespeare.

And? As i said. Some are, some aren't. Sayings have littlento do with it. I, for example am not the jealous type, i personally think jealousy is a very destructive influence on a relationship. I know other women who aren't and i know women who are the jealous type. You simply cannot say

Women are also very jealous

Because it is not true of all women

 

[Nakosis]

Love is a fickle master.
Commitment is a conscious choice.

People get married for love often end up hating each other. One's subconscious mind triggers the love concoction in your head for God knows what reason.
IMO, a relationship requires more than just love. It requires a commitment. Whatever you choose, don't rely only on love to carry the relationship.

Commit to one or the other and stick to that. Otherwise you will always be being driven by your subconscious mind to want the next best thing.

 

[Guitar's Cry]

My wife and I have been open about our feelings for other people for a long time. It's become a part of our relationship and when jealousy does occur (as it still does in polyamorous relationships), we are able to manage it pretty well.