The Breast Question

[cardero]

I just returned from my mother’s cousin’s house this weekend and I was informed that one of her daughters did not make the trip to her mother’s house over a dispute about her breast. Let me explain.

10 months ago this daughter gave birth to her first child and has decided to breast feed it. This daughter has been attending classes (??) or meetings about breast feeding her baby and I guess one of the things that they encourage is a sort of pride and necessity for breast feeding. In other words when the baby is hungry there is no inappropriate time or place to perform this act. From the way the mother was explaining this to me it seemed like a paternal movement.

The mother went on to explain to her daughter that if she wanted to come over and meet this company (which consisited of mrscardero, my father and myself) that a certain courtesy or respect may have to be implememted in regarding the time and moments of the baby’s feeding. As I understood it, the daughter was very open and frank about this performance and the mother was concerned about the company feeling uncomfortable. The daughter became offended by this suggestion and had decided to forgo the visit and any future conversation with her mother (so far).

My questions are what are the guidelines about something like this? Should a women who breast feeds their children excuse themselves from other’s company? Should a woman breast feed their child in a isolated area away from the public? When did the explicit practice of breastfeeding a baby become a movement? Could this decision to breast feed in front of family and relatives simply be settled by the polite question of “Do you mind…..?”

 

[vandervalley]

Well..I wouldn't recommend breast feeding in front of a serial rapist thats for sure..or..a company of serial rapists. :no:

 

[MysticSang'ha]

If only patience, understanding, and compassion could have been practiced on both sides, this issue perhaps would have reconciled very easily.

It's sad that breastfeeding mothers are to harbor a certain amount of shame over feeding their baby, but it's also sad that the mother wasn't a little bit more understanding over the family's lack of familiarity with a breastfeeding child in full view.

We might be making some strides toward giving breastfeeding mothers the kind of support that they really need in this culture, but we're not there yet. I breastfed my kids, and even though there were situations where it was a little awkward for both sides (me and extended family that felt uneasy at first)........in time, both of us sides relaxed.

And eventually I was able to breastfeed nearly on demand at the extended family's house.

I think it's our tendency to completely sexualize breasts that makes most of this uneasy for others. This is the view point that needs to change, and that even though breasts are a sexual/sensual focus, we need to be exposed more often to a baby in a latched-on position to a naked breast.

They do serve a practical purpose here.



Peace,
Mystic

 

[Valjean]

As long as we continue to treat breasts as completely sexual the social stigma will continue. When significant numbers of people begin to treat ordinary anatomy as ordinary I think attitudes will change.

A century ago a glimpse of leg was considered somewhat shocking, but society got over it when young girls decided to hike up their skirts and shamelessly bare all.

I think society's attitude toward pectoral exposure would follow suit.

How about advising this young lady to drop by completely topless -- and then bottle-feed the tyke.

 

[eudaimonia]

Should a women who breast feeds their children excuse themselves from other’s company?

I think that ordinary standards of politeness require that a mother should at least ask the others if she may breastfeed in front of them. If they say no, she should seek some privacy.


eudaimonia,

Mark

 

[cardero]

I can't help but think how this situation is comparable to smoking. Like when I am in the same area as someone, I will first ask them if they mind if I smoke and then I would refrain from smoking if they did. But never in my life have I ever heard of someone becoming offended from a disagreeable answer. I can't help but wonder if this kind of attitude isn't becoming promoted in these breast feeding classes or meetings.

 

[Mercy Not Sacrifice]

Babies have the right to receive breast milk as a right of survival (no pun intended). This right greatly supercedes the desire (it really can't be called a "right") of an adult to not see a female breast. If breasts offend you, look the other way or leave.

Well..I wouldn't recommend breast feeding in front of a serial rapist thats for sure..or..a company of serial rapists. :no:

Rapists are triggered by sight?

I can't help but think how this situation is comparable to smoking. Like when I am in the same area as someone, I will first ask them if they mind if I smoke and then I would refrain from smoking if they did. But never in my life have I ever heard of someone becoming offended from a disagreeable answer. I can't help but wonder if this kind of attitude isn't becoming promoted in these breast feeding classes or meetings.

Breast milk is as bad for babies as second-hand smoke?

 

[eudaimonia]

Babies have the right to receive breast milk as a right of survival (no pun intended). This right greatly supercedes the desire (it really can't be called a "right") of an adult to not see a female breast. If breasts offend you, look the other way or leave.

Or the mother could leave.

It's not like mothers are being prevented from feeding their babies. The right of babies to get breast milk isn't being impeded. Babies are, in fact, surviving just fine.


eudaimonia,

Mark

 

[Mercy Not Sacrifice]

Or the mother could leave.

It's not like mothers are being prevented from feeding their babies. The right of babies to get breast milk isn't being impeded. Babies are, in fact, surviving just fine.


eudaimonia,

Mark

But what happens when mothers are thrown out of restaurants simply for exercising this right? It's like saying, the rules of survival apply here, here, but not there, but the rules of modesty apply everywhere. Modesty still overrides survival in the quoted scenario.

 

[eudaimonia]

But what happens when mothers are thrown out of restaurants simply for exercising this right? It's like saying, the rules of survival apply here, here, but not there, but the rules of modesty apply everywhere. Modesty still overrides survival in the quoted scenario.

They can't go to lavatories to feed their children?

If a mother was actually being prevented from breastfeeding her child, such that she'd have to spend more than 5-10 minutes to find some privacy, then I would agree that she has a right to feed the child in front of unwilling others. In other cases, no.


eudaimonia,

Mark

 

[Mercy Not Sacrifice]

But again, why? Babies aren't exactly good at waiting, particularly when they want to feed. Why should a mother ironically be forced to leave her plate of food to get cold so that her baby can feed?

I actually witnessed that happen about a year ago, where a baby wanted to breastfeed right in the middle of lunch at a restaurant. Thankfully this took place in a restaurant with progressive attitudes, so all she had to do was cover her breast and let the baby feed away. Nobody raised a single complaint. Baby was happy, mother got to feed baby, we all ate in peace.

 

[Buttercup]

I breast fed each of my kids for six months. Personally, I felt much more comfortable excusing myself from the room. Besides, I didn't want to make someone else uncomfortable.

OTOH, doesn't bother me in the least to see a woman discreetly breast feed in public.

 

[Ðanisty]

Should a woman breast feed their child in a isolated area away from the public?

Why? I don't think women should be isolated for any reason. Are you suggesting that there is something shameful about feeding a baby?

When did the explicit practice of breastfeeding a baby become a movement?

It shouldn't need to be a movement.

I can't help but think how this situation is comparable to smoking. Like when I am in the same area as someone, I will first ask them if they mind if I smoke and then I would refrain from smoking if they did. But never in my life have I ever heard of someone becoming offended from a disagreeable answer. I can't help but wonder if this kind of attitude isn't becoming promoted in these breast feeding classes or meetings.

What? I don't see how breastfeeding can be compared to smoking and I'm a smoker who's never having children. I certainly would ask before lighting up and would be willing to leave the room or go outside to smoke, but women should be able to breastfeed wherever they are comfortable. Smoking is a nasty habit that's unpleasant to non-smokers. I'm well aware of that. Breastfeeding is being a mother.

They can't go to lavatories to feed their children?

How would you like to eat in the bathroom? :areyoucra Where in the bathroom would a mother sit to relax and feed her baby? Do you really think public restrooms are a clean and comfortable environment?

 

[Buttercup]

The mother went on to explain to her daughter that if she wanted to come over and meet this company (which consisited of mrscardero, my father and myself) that a certain courtesy or respect may have to be implememted in regarding the time and moments of the baby’s feeding. As I understood it, the daughter was very open and frank about this performance and the mother was concerned about the company feeling uncomfortable. The daughter became offended by this suggestion and had decided to forgo the visit and any future conversation with her mother (so far).

This daughter needs to grow up a bit...she's being selfish, imo and not considering the feelings of others. Of course breastfeeding is a natural act but it's also one that could make others squirm. It's not an either/or situation and needs to be handled with diplomacy and thinking beforehand. It's too bad she chose to make it such a big deal.

 

[Ðanisty]

This daughter needs to grow up a bit...she's being selfish, imo and not considering the feelings of others. Of course breastfeeding is a natural act but it's also one that could make others squirm. It's not an either/or situation and needs to be handled with diplomacy and thinking beforehand. It's too bad she chose to make it such a big deal.[/font][/color]

To be fair though, we don't know the whole story. We don't know what the girl has been through before.

 

[Buttercup]

To be fair though, we don't know the whole story. We don't know what the girl has been through before.

Maybe it's just me but I wouldn't have ever thought of not speaking to my mom because she asked me to go into a bedroom to breastfeed while company was over. As I've said before, I breast fed all of my kids, you have to be flexible toward the concerns of others.

 

[Mathematician]

I still don't get why we as a society frown at sex, breastfeeding, and nudity... It's not like escaping gas, which can trigger a gag reflex. :sarcastic

 

[lizskid]

Well, given only cardero's info, I think's a bit of overreaction from the daughter....breast feeding is fine if discreet, etc., but those who feel the need to just bare it and feed regardless of setting go beyond pride or whatever. And the smoking analogy doesn't work for me, unless cardero exposes himself while smoking in public. I had this happen 12 inches away from me in a public restaurant during my dinner once, and while I support breat feeding, I did not want to be a participant, which was basically the choice made for me in that case!

 

[Buttercup]

And the smoking analogy doesn't work for me, unless cardero exposes himself while smoking in public. I had this happen 12 inches away from me in a public restaurant during my dinner once, and while I support breat feeding, I did not want to be a participant, which was basically the choice made for me in that case!

Very true! Public breastfeeding is not a health concern, second hand smoke is.

 

[Ðanisty]

Maybe it's just me but I wouldn't have ever thought of not speaking to my mom because she asked me to go into a bedroom to breastfeed while company was over. As I've said before, I breast fed all of my kids, you have to be flexible toward the concerns of others.

Well that's why I said it's possible we don't know the whole story.