A few days ago, I ran across a friend of mine who I hadn't seen in about a decade. We immediately got to talking about what we'd each been up to. At some point, he mentioned that he'd been for a few years married to a woman who neither appreciated him for who he was, nor truly understood him, and from whom he was now divorced. "Those were the loneliest years of my life", he said to me, "I felt lonelier during those years than at any time when I've actually lived alone by myself. The sex was really great, but even the sex couldn't put much more than a minor dent every now and then in the loneliness."
I've heard much the same observation made by at least two other people that I know. And I think there's great truth to it. There seems to be something about being in an "intimate" relationship with someone who neither appreciates nor understands us that can make us acutely lonely -- lonelier than even being by ourselves.
Now, the main reason I'm bringing this up is because I've known people who shacked up or married largely out of fear of being alone. And I would like to caution anyone who is considering doing that, that it might not be the wisest thing to do.
But beyond that, I'd like to hear your experiences with this sort of thing. Have you ever felt lonely while in a relationship because you were not appreciated nor understood by your partner? If so, how acutely did you feel alone? What, if anything, happened to change the situation? What advice, if any, would you now give to someone who might be contemplating getting into a similar relationship?
I've heard much the same observation made by at least two other people that I know. And I think there's great truth to it. There seems to be something about being in an "intimate" relationship with someone who neither appreciates nor understands us that can make us acutely lonely -- lonelier than even being by ourselves.
Now, the main reason I'm bringing this up is because I've known people who shacked up or married largely out of fear of being alone. And I would like to caution anyone who is considering doing that, that it might not be the wisest thing to do.
But beyond that, I'd like to hear your experiences with this sort of thing. Have you ever felt lonely while in a relationship because you were not appreciated nor understood by your partner? If so, how acutely did you feel alone? What, if anything, happened to change the situation? What advice, if any, would you now give to someone who might be contemplating getting into a similar relationship?