The "True History Notes" Thread

[Sunstone]

Post your true history notes here!

I'll start:

True History Note: "The homosexual plot to destroy civilization while managing to look fabulous scored a major coup in 1938 when the first usage of the word 'gay' to mean 'homosexuality' occurred. Ever since that historic moment, straight people have not been permitted to be gay, meaning 'happy', unless they simultaneously consented to choosing the homosexual lifestyle. As a direct consequence of that coup, civilization has, since 1938, verifiability collapsed over two thousand times."

 

[Sunstone]

True History Note: Contrary to popular understanding, the American moon landings of the late 60s were not faked with the aid of Hollywood. Rather, the entire project was outsourced to the Japanese film industry. That's why, in some photos of the landings, you can make out a faint image of Godzilla in the background.

 

[Infinitum]

True History Note: Despite popular belief, the Egyptian pyramids were actually built as amusement parks. The narrow tunnels and wall art were designed to be an adventure course similar to the ones held for children today. The actual tombs were the place for adults to lay to rest - for as long as needed. This naturally means the study of hieroglyphics have to be started from scratch. "Here lies queen Hapsetuth" reads in reality as "insert your gold coins in the jar on the right".

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

True history note: the masterminds behind 9/11 were actually Amelia Earhart and the Lindbergh baby.

 

[BSM1]

Unknown Historical Fact: The Hindenburg disaster was caused by a cigarette carelessly tossed from a passing biplane.

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

True history note: due to the lewd content of the first transatlantic radiotelegraph tramsmission, Marconi is generally considered to be the author of the world's first sext.

 

[Sunstone]

True History Note: Italian tanks in World War II were built with only one forward gear, but five in reverse, to expedite quick retreats.

 

[JiSe]

True history note: There has been no science in physics since Newton, he discovered the true laws of the universe, everything "invented" since is part of the second longest running practical joke / scam to keep tenures and grants running.

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

True History Note: on this day in 1871, Australian brothers William and Simon Euston, inventors of the marsupial, performed the first successful test of their original kangaroo prototype.

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

True History Note: contrary to popular belief, the symbol that Constantine had his soldiers paint on their shields for the Battle of the Milvian Bridge was not the cross, but was actually an early form of the Kilroy.

 

[BSM1]

True History Note: Cleopatra did not committee suicide by snake. She was accidentally bitten by her pet reptile as she was proudly showing it to Marc Anthony. She mistakenly thought Marc had said "Wow, nice asp!"

 

[Brickjectivity]

True History Note: Led Zeppelin was very nearly named Libertarian Vote.