Then what do you believe in?!

[Sir Doom]

When I was 17 or so I thought I didn't believe in god. (I was angry)

And one day my father - drunk as usual - talked of god - as usual. And I don't remember what he asked me but at some point I said to him, "I don't believe in God."

And he started shouting - as usual - and asking me, "so what do you believe in?"

And I found myself quite incapable to answer.

Still when he's drunk he repeats this question to me years later and I am each time equally astounded by the fact that I don't know what to say. I felt defensless.

If you are really having trouble determining what you believe, I advise you to take as long as you need to figure it out. There is no deadline or time limit on providing yourself the answer. If one is not apparent, then keep thinking and feeling and experiencing life and you'll get there. Don't feel like you need to answer that question with less than all the information. In fact, even if you CAN answer that question you are likely to change that answer down the road based on new information.

I don't really have enough information to understand the particular dynamic between you and your father, but I would say that just because you can't provide him an answer doesn't mean you have to accept his.

"I'm still figuring that out." is a perfectly reasonable answer.