Well...you are the source of all evil in the world today...
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Things I Learned on RF Today
- Thread starter SalixIncendium
- Start date
That....Well...you are the source of all evil in the world today...
Tracks.
Secret Chief
Vetted Member
Sex abusers are funny.
Secret Chief
Vetted Member
if they can't get a senior government job.
Secret Chief
Vetted Member
You can show the world you're an intellectual giant by saying "wokery pokey" with a straight face.
Secret Chief
Vetted Member
God wants to be eaten.
Secret Chief
Vetted Member
Concentration camps are making a comeback.
I learned why I tend to stay in the joke threads.
Sure does. He did indeed say "eat me".
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. if I start to get nervous, I take a sip.”
So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
1. Sip the Vodka, don’t gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ***.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey,don’t say he was stoned off his ***.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the “Big T.”
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, “Take this and eat it for it is my body.” He did not say “Eat me.”
12. The Virgin Mary is not called “Mary with the Cherry.”
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter’s, not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s!
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. if I start to get nervous, I take a sip.”
So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
1. Sip the Vodka, don’t gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ***.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey,don’t say he was stoned off his ***.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the “Big T.”
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, “Take this and eat it for it is my body.” He did not say “Eat me.”
12. The Virgin Mary is not called “Mary with the Cherry.”
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter’s, not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s!
I have a recipe but it depends on which God.
Secret Chief
Vetted Member
There's a real easy one - just take some ice out of the freezer and wait for it to thor.
Gods Cookbook...
"To Serve God" episode on Twilight Zone...
Secret Chief
Vetted Member
Brexit is right, despite the reality.
@Secret Chief , usually I don't read what you write...
I just noticed the words under your avatar...
Did you vet your trousers?
I just noticed the words under your avatar...
Did you vet your trousers?
Secret Chief
Vetted Member
Don't just stand there and shrug...