Thinking About Others and Your Actions

[ChristineM]

What about the other way around: when the children take their parents' concerns or feelings into consideration? Would you say it's more or less common than the reverse?

Probably less common. Children can be quite selfish without realising it.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

To convey my own story that might relate some.... I try to listen to my family, but they were against me transitioning. I tried correcting them about things regarding it, etc. I soon realized they didn't want to learn, and just wanted to take the stance of a lot of evangelical preachers. There were times when I was starting to get through, then they'd Google something like "sermons against transgender" and have 5 new lines of misinformation to replace the one I just corrected by talking them for 2 hours about. I finally realized how to maintain peace, and what it is that wouldn't escalate things to an unproductive argument. My solution was: 1. Do my own thing, even if it means not doing what they want, 2. When they bring it up, ignore them almost completely and if necessary, use the silent treatment, 3. Don't correct them when they say negative things about transgender people in general to their friends. I hate to say it, but the silent treatment can sometimes be an underrated tool, and *some* other people have been using it for years. And 4. Always have a back-up plan to get things you need, items etc, so you don't become too reliant on their help. I've been back on hormones for just a little bit after stopping for awhile, and have had 3 whole days of peace and tranquility despite still living with family and despite not following their wishes for me.

Of course, giving the silent treatment isn't a completely universal solution, and may not apply to the OP or be practical. But my family likes and respects very, very strong people and sees keeping the peace even in disagreement as strength, but trying to change people's views and "hard balling" their support even if your intentions are good - as weakness.

I still love my family though it's been hard, and I think they love me too, and I do see a softening of things even if I were not to do this stuff, but it was time I figured out a more peaceful solution to being my own person.

 

[viole]

You got all of that from "children don't start anything"?

Putin doesn't care about children's lives--the same sentiment you expressed just because of their parents' views.

Who cares? if a despot kills one child, all you have to have to to do is kill 10 more of them.

You got all of that from "children don't start anything"?



Putin doesn't care about children's lives--the same sentiment you expressed just because of their parents' views.

so, if you have X attacking you. Killing women and children, what do you do? Would you start a conversation about how it is wrong to kill, or would you rather kill 10 rimes more children than they did?

I suggest, with all due respect, that the latter will have more chances to reduce to total amount of expected children casualties. Especially when we deal with ruthless barbarians like Putins army.

ciao

- viole

 

[Secret Chief]

if a despot kills one child, all you have to have to to do is kill 10 more of them.

Wow.

 

[osgart]

That all depends on the merits of others' concerns. I would not close off to others' concerns unless they had no merit.

As a starting point I'd take on an objective attitude. Then if there's good reason or will to care I'd be considerate.

 

[Hermit Philosopher]

If you wanted to take some action having to do with your own affairs or life and believed it would help you but refrained from it or delayed it primarily because of considerations about other people, would you think that was a good reason for putting off or abandoning the action or not?

In other words, do you believe thinking about others' concerns is good grounds for determining action concerning oneself or not? Why or why not?

I’d say; only if one can do so wholeheartedly, without risk of developing feelings of embitterment.

Some people do not have it in them - or, not at that point in time at least - to give of themselves without feeling that they are making huge sacrifices. In my experience, those who consider themselves to be sacrificing much then, will seldom feel at ease with their decision.

Yet, there are certainly those who frequently give of themselves without ever feeling that it’s a sacrifice to do so. It is then that doing so makes perfect sense and leads to much good.


Humbly
Hermit