To You, What Defines "Success" in Life?

[Debater Slayer]

A friend was talking to me about his views on success, and he said that to him, success meant obtaining money, power, and influence. He then asked me how I defined "success," and I said, "I believe each person gets to define what success is based on their goals in life, whether those are based on one's religion, career, relationships, or anything else. For me, success would be contentment and security." (Edit: By "security," I mean mental and emotional security, as I clarified in post #6.)

He countered with the argument that even if I became content and secure, someone with more power and influence could simply harm me or be able to impose on my life, while I wouldn't have enough power or influence of my own to stop it. So he believed my definition was lacking. I said that there would always be a more powerful and influential person or entity out there, though—even if one were a multibillionaire official or celebrity—and that always anticipating someone else to harm us and thinking of the various hypotheticals and scenarios in which that could or could not happen wouldn't be healthy or realistic.

Also, I mentioned my belief that "success" could be compartmentalized based on one's goals: someone could be successful, based on achieving their goals, in their career but not in their social or romantic life, and vice versa.

We didn't end up agreeing, but we both found it a thought-provoking discussion.

What do you personally think defines success in life? Is being wealthy synonymous with being successful in life, in your view? Is having a robust social circle and several or more friends who are willing to go to great lengths for you and for whom you are willing to do the same synonymous with being successful in life, even if you're not wealthy? Why or why not, in either or both cases?

(OP edited for further clarity.)

Discuss.

 

[mikkel_the_dane]

To me, that a person copes well enough based on what possiblities that person has.

 

[Stevicus]

A friend was talking to me about his views on success, and he said that to him, success meant obtaining money, power, and influence. He then asked me how I defined "success," and I said, "I believe each person gets to define what success is based on their goals in life, whether those are based on one's religion, career, relationships, or anything else. For me, success would be contentment and security."

He countered with the argument that even if I became content and secure, someone with more power and influence could simply harm me or be able to impose on my life, while I wouldn't have enough power or influence of my own to stop it. So he believed my definition was lacking. I said that there would always be a more powerful and influential person or entity out there, though—even if one were a multibillionaire official or celebrity—and that always anticipating someone else to harm us and thinking of the various hypotheticals and scenarios in which that could or could not happen wouldn't be healthy or realistic.

Also, I mentioned my belief that "success" could be compartmentalized based on one's goals: someone could be successful, based on achieving their goals, in their career but not in their social or romantic life, and vice versa.

We didn't end up agreeing, but we both found it a thought-provoking discussion.

What do you personally think defines success in life? Is being wealthy synonymous with being successful in life, in your view? Is having a robust social circle and several or more friends who are willing to go to great lengths for you synonymous with being successful in life, even if you're not wealthy? Why or why not, in either or both cases?

Discuss.

I think it's defined by the individual. "Success" is a vague, subjective, and relative term which can be viewed and defined in different ways.

I would not agree that success means to have enough influence or power to stop someone more powerful from harming one. Even kings with a slew of palace guards could still be assassinated by a lone individual. If success requires invulnerability, then no one can ever be truly successful. If success requires that one be a "world champion," then only a few will be successful.

 

[SalixIncendium]

What do you personally think defines success in life?

Equanimity.

Is being wealthy synonymous with being successful in life, in your view?

I used to think this and spent a good chunk of my life climbing the corporate ladder and striving for it, as this was indoctrinated into my upbringing, but since I've left my chosen career and given away most of my wealth, I feel much more successful since then in the sense that I define the term above.

Is having a robust social circle and several or more friends who are willing to go to great lengths for you synonymous with being successful in life, even if you're not wealthy?

One can be successful with or without such a circle of friends, whether wealthy or not. I think what would contribute to any success as far is this circle of friends is concerned is one's willingness to go to great lengths for them in kind.

In regard to your view of contentment and security being an indicator for success, your friend and I are of the same mind regarding the idea that there is always the potential for someone to take that security away from you. I think security is an illusion, similar to control. It's the ego's way to think one has minimized risk. Where contentment (like equanimity) can be permanent depending on the stability of that state of mind, security is temporary, and ultimately, thinking security contributes to success, success will, as a result, be temporary.

 

[Secret Chief]

What do you personally think defines success in life?

It's not a concept that has any meaning in my life and never has.

Is being wealthy synonymous with being successful in life, in your view?

No doubt that is a connection for some people. It seems to be a common indicator.

Is having a robust social circle and several or more friends who are willing to go to great lengths for you synonymous with being successful in life, even if you're not wealthy?

I have no idea!

 

[Debater Slayer]

One can be successful with or without such a circle of friends, whether wealthy or not. I think what would contribute to any success as far is this circle of friends is concerned is one's willingness to go to great lengths for them in kind.

If the willingness is mutual, do you think having such a social circle is an indicator of success? In that sense, what if one's goals don't include friendships? Do one's goals change whether achieving a specific outcome constitutes success?

In regard to your view of contentment and security being an indicator for success, your friend and I are of the same mind regarding the idea that there is always the potential for someone to take that security away from you. I think security is an illusion, similar to control. It's the ego's way to think one has minimized risk. Where contentment (like equanimity) can be permanent depending on the stability of that state of mind, security is temporary, and ultimately, thinking security contributes to success, success will, as a result, be temporary.

I agree. I should have probably elaborated on what I meant by "security," so that's my bad for not providing more details. By "security," I meant composure under or in the face of various circumstances, including adversity—mental and emotional security, basically. I didn't mean material security, as I completely agree that it can be temporary and out of one's control to achieve, although I also realize that for the vast majority of people, material and mental as well as emotional security are understandably intertwined deeply (as evidenced by, for example, the fact that suicide disproportionately affects low- and middle-income countries and that suicide rates in those tend to be considerably higher than in wealthier countries).

 

[Debater Slayer]

I used to think this and spent a good chunk of my life climbing the corporate ladder and striving for it, as this was indoctrinated into my upbringing, but since I've left my chosen career and given away most of my wealth, I feel much more successful since then in the sense that I define the term above.

No doubt that is a connection for some people. It seems to be a common indicator.

I used to think of it as a major indicator of success, too, but now I think whether it is merely depends on one's goals and how one achieves wealth if it is one of their goals. I wouldn't consider someone "successful" if they made their wealth through theft or other immoral means, nor would I consider someone successful in life if they had wealth but were abusive to those around them and continually discontented, like some celebrities have been.

 

[SalixIncendium]

If the willingness is mutual, do you think having such a social circle is an indicator of success? In that sense, what if one's goals don't include friendships? Do one's goals change whether achieving a specific outcome constitutes success?

It depends. If you were to eliminate these friends from the equation, could you still be successful?

I agree. I should have probably elaborated on what I meant by "security," so that's my bad for not providing more details. By "security," I meant composure under or in the face of various circumstances, including adversity—mental and emotional security, basically. I didn't mean material security, as I completely agree that it can be temporary and out of one's control to achieve, although I also realize that for the vast majority of people, material and mental as well as emotional security are understandably intertwined deeply (as evidenced by, for example, the fact that suicide disproportionately affects low- and middle-income countries and that suicide rates in those tend to be considerably higher than in wealthier countries).

Thanks for clarifying. It appears what you are referring to as 'security' I called 'stability' in my previous post. "Security," I think, would impact the permanence of the success, not necessarily the success itself.

Since you bring up suicide, I think it would be helpful to know what percentage of these suicides are a result of one feeling a lack of success. I would guess there are several who don't necessarily consider themselves successful who have never considered suicide...quite possibly the majority.

 

[SalixIncendium]

I used to think of it as a major indicator of success, too, but now I think whether it is merely depends on one's goals and how one achieves wealth if it is one of their goals. I wouldn't consider someone "successful" if they made their wealth through theft or other immoral means, nor would I consider someone successful in life if they had wealth but were abusive to those around them and continually discontented, like some celebrities have been.

I don't consider wealth to be, at all, associated with success. Since we brought suicide into the discussion, I think a key indicator of this is the number people who achieved what they perceived to be success, only to find that it didn't bring them the joy they thought it would and ultimately took their own lives as a result.

 

[Debater Slayer]

It depends. If you were to eliminate these friends from the equation, could you still be successful?

I think that depends on one's goals: Are they interested in having friends? If yes, eliminating all friends is not an indicator of success per that goal. If not, then sure, they can be successful without friends.

Personally, I think I would survive without friends, and I think fostering emotional independence is a significant skill. However, I love socializing, having friendships, and demonstrating mutual concern for friends, so my friends and I make life much better for each other, and I wouldn't consider it successful to remove them from my life.

Thanks for clarifying. It appears what you are referring to as 'security' I called 'stability' in my previous post. "Security," I think, would impact the permanence of the success, not necessarily the success itself.

If the success is impermanent and a lack of security ends it, how can one be successful without security, then?

Since you bring up suicide, I think it would be helpful to know what percentage of these suicides are a result of one feeling a lack of success. I would guess there are several who don't necessarily consider themselves successful who have never considered suicide...quite possibly the majority.

I have no idea, and the article doesn't explore that question, as far as I see. Based on other studies I've read, it seems that the trend of higher suicide rates in poorer countries is usually tied to poorer health care, lack of access to necessary professional care, worse mental health outcomes due to oppression or lack of basic needs, etc.

 

[ChristineM]

Success for me has changed over the years.

When first starting out earning money, success was having enough in the bank to survive (rent and food) for a few months should it all go belly up.

Then came enough money to pay the mortgage for a couple of months.

As the company grew, success was providing work for employees.

Priorities changed, success was having children and building a family

Then came my bad time, the fact i am still alive is a great success,

Selling the business and issuing a bonus with the employees last pay. All did well, but making our lead artist a millionaire... Wow, that feeling of success is hard to beat

Now success to me is contentment with my life, my family and bringing up my children as best i can.

My future success will be (I hope) being here to see them [the children] fledge the nest and begin their own careers.

After that ... Bof

 

[Debater Slayer]

I don't consider wealth to be, at all, associated with success. Since we brought suicide into the discussion, I think a key indicator of this is the number people who achieved what they perceived to be success, only to find that it didn't bring them the joy they thought it would and ultimately took their own lives as a result.

What about people who derive joy from wealth? Would they be successful in accordance with their own goal and outcome in that case?

Also, if success depends on the outcome for the person, does that mean that a person can be considered successful if they're content and composed in their situation even if they have not managed to achieve any of their goals in life?

 

[Debater Slayer]

Success for me has changed over the years.

When first starting out earning money, success was having enough in the bank to survive (rent and food) for a few months should it all go belly up.

Then came enough money to pay the mortgage for a couple of months.

As the company grew, success was providing work for employees.

Priorities changed, success was having children and building a family

Then came my bad time, the fact i am still alive is a great success,

Selling the business and issuing a bonus with the employees last pay. All did well, but making our lead artist a millionaire... Wow, that feeling of success is hard to beat

Now success to me is contentment with my life, my family and bringing up my children as best i can.

My future success will be (I hope) being here to see them [the children] fledge the nest and begin their own careers.

After that ... Bof

Were all of the successes based on achieving previously defined goals, or were they based on how you felt upon achieving them even if you hadn't previously planned them according to such goals?

 

[Revoltingest]

Money, power, & influence are useful for success.
Using them wisely & justly is essential.

 

[Mock Turtle]

I obviously got it all wrong, given that wealth, power, and influence were never seen as objectives - and where the three are rather entwined. I was more concerned with having an interesting occupation, having sufficient friends, being successful at whatever I put my mind to, and generally trying to have my thinking and beliefs reflect reality - whilst not using, exploiting, or harming others along the way. Which I can't honestly say I have done (these latter) but then we all tend to have our own personal issues. So overall I have had plenty of successes, but perhaps not enough to make up for any failures - such is life.

 

[Rival]

Being married, having kids, and being emotionally and physically well.

 

[ChristineM]

Were all of the successes based on achieving previously defined goals, or were they based on how you felt upon achieving them even if you hadn't previously planned them according to such goals?

I guess they mostly link, reach one target built another to follow on. Occasionally they would be spur of the moment or something id been thinking about and suddenly decided, "i (we) can do this"
And certainly one success was that feeling then success hits you in the face.

 

[SalixIncendium]

If the success is impermanent and a lack of security ends it, how can one be successful without security, then?

Such success would be fleeting.

What about people who derive joy from wealth? Would they be successful in accordance with their own goal and outcome in that case?

How many do you know that actually do? In my experience, people who have wealth don't enjoy wealth because the are too busy either protecting that wealth or seeing more wealth. I have personal experience with this.

Also, if success depends on the outcome for the person, does that mean that a person can be considered successful if they're content and composed in their situation even if they have not managed to achieve any of their goals in life?

Yes. Goals are temporary. Either one reaches them or does not. There have been goals that I had that I never achieved, yet I consider myself successful, and those goals no longer exist for me.

 

[Debater Slayer]

Money, power, & influence are useful for success.
Using them wisely & justly is essential.

Do you think it's possible for someone to be successful with little to no power or influence and just enough money to cover their basic needs?

 

[Debater Slayer]

Being married, having kids, and being emotionally and physically well.

Would one necessarily be unsuccessful if they were physically unhealthy due to issues outside their control, such as accidents or hereditary conditions?