Toughest Question Yet

[Antiochian]

Watching a little girl in your family battle life-threatening illness makes your mind go to "unholy," awful places. She's fine now, thank science and so many human hands that worked to save her.

So that's what fuels my question: How to explain death to a dying child? Say, a toddler, preteen, and a teenager; obviously the three groups will differ in their capacity to take in information and how it's explained. Obviously, saying it'll be lights out forever isn't going to provide the comfort of the theist's position that you get a vacation unending at some theme park in the sky. Thoughts?

 

[Terese]

I would just straight out tell him/her the concept of death. It's not pretty, but don't sugarcoat it either. Life and death happens. a sunrise and sunset is a good example.

 

[Unveiled Artist]

Watching a little girl in your family battle life-threatening illness makes your mind go to "unholy," awful places. She's fine now, thank science and so many human hands that worked to save her.

So that's what fuels my question: How to explain death to a dying child? Say, a toddler, preteen, and a teenager; obviously the three groups will differ in their capacity to take in information and how it's explained. Obviously, saying it'll be lights out forever isn't going to provide the comfort of the theist's lie that you get a vacation unending at some theme park in the sky. Thoughts?

My best answer without interjecting my views of the afterlife is to teach as much as you can about things we can't control. Learning how to be comfortable with surprises and how to handle things that just pop up unplanned. Learning about what we don't know (adapting to mystery) can help one become comfortable with things they know (accepting mystery).

Other than that, my answers are a little less atheistic.

 

[Rick O'Shez]

Thoughts?

It's a difficult one but I think that on balance an honest answer is best, even if it's "I don't know what happens when you die." One approach would be to go through the different kinds of things that people believe.

 

[Town Heretic]

Watching a little girl in your family battle life-threatening illness makes your mind go to "unholy," awful places. She's fine now, thank science and so many human hands that worked to save her.

Very, very happy to hear it.

So that's what fuels my question: How to explain death to a dying child? Say, a toddler, preteen, and a teenager; obviously the three groups will differ in their capacity to take in information and how it's explained. Obviously, saying it'll be lights out forever isn't going to provide the comfort of the theist's lie that you get a vacation unending at some theme park in the sky. Thoughts?

I remember when I was an atheist and someone asked me why my answer was always three words: children's cancer ward.

I can't answer you in a way that is likely to be meaningful for you, but at any rate and to examine it to satisfy the point for my part here, why do people suffer? Because that's the nature of imperfection. And we find impossible, indescribable joy also--despite that truth and our limitations. What would I tell them? That the root of suffering is necessity and that the lesson and cost of existence is that relatively momentary thing, however horrible and encompassing it might appear to be, and that the indescribable joy we meet is a reflection of another, greater truth. Not a lie or a theme park, but a context that frames being in understanding and purpose...clothes us in the strength to sustain our hope and expand our transcendent capacity to love.

 

[Aupmanyav]

Probablity and chance rule life.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

Watching a little girl in your family battle life-threatening illness makes your mind go to "unholy," awful places. She's fine now, thank science and so many human hands that worked to save her.

So that's what fuels my question: How to explain death to a dying child? Say, a toddler, preteen, and a teenager; obviously the three groups will differ in their capacity to take in information and how it's explained. Obviously, saying it'll be lights out forever isn't going to provide the comfort of the theist's lie that you get a vacation unending at some theme park in the sky. Thoughts?

Death is life. Without life there is no death, and without death there is no life. It is a normal and natural part of life - it isn't a part of aging, but aging is a part of life, and because there is life there must be death. We are born, we have the unpredictable time we do, and then we must move on with ultimate stage of development, death. Maybe it is lights out, maybe it is not. But for the harmony of life to continue, the life of the individual must end as a part of the Cosmic Symphony..

 

[Rick O'Shez]

I remember when I was an atheist and someone asked me why my answer was always three words: children's cancer ward.

So what changed?

 

[Town Heretic]

So what changed?

I thought I had both hands wrapped around a brutal truth, until I met another truth that forced me to release the first and alter the course of my life.

 

[Senseless]

Yeah, however heartbreaking it is, I think I'm in the honesty camp. I'd say what I believe and what some other people believe and that no one knows for certain.

Relieved to hear she is ok!

 

[Harbinger of Darkness]

As Spiny Norman said, honesty is probably the best answer. Bring yourself to her level by saying, "Not even I know what happens." Something to think about: None of us existed for billions of years before we were conceived and no one cares one bit about that. Why must we care about billions of years after we stop existing?

 

[Curious George]

Or don't. Any answer given would be pointless. We only get so many words. It sounds like you were in a tough situation, sometimes it's better to take a step back and choose how we want to spend our words, or even if silence is better. I imagine such a situation would evoke promises of love, assurances of my presence, and even a joke or two. But I wouldn't want to spend my last words espousing some esoteric nonsense to a scared child when I love you would likely suffice.

Exceptions being as they are, there likely exist children who find the espousing of esoteric nonsense soothing. If such were the case, that is precisely what I would do.

 

[Valjean]

You will be as you were before you were born. no pain. no distress. no awareness.

 

[RedDragon94]

Watching a little girl in your family battle life-threatening illness makes your mind go to "unholy," awful places. She's fine now, thank science and so many human hands that worked to save her.

So that's what fuels my question: How to explain death to a dying child? Say, a toddler, preteen, and a teenager; obviously the three groups will differ in their capacity to take in information and how it's explained. Obviously, saying it'll be lights out forever isn't going to provide the comfort of the theist's lie that you get a vacation unending at some theme park in the sky. Thoughts?

Since you're not a theist, I would just say everything ends eventually and you should to live your best life now.

 

[Revoltingest]

Watching a little girl in your family battle life-threatening illness makes your mind go to "unholy," awful places. She's fine now, thank science and so many human hands that worked to save her.

So that's what fuels my question: How to explain death to a dying child? Say, a toddler, preteen, and a teenager; obviously the three groups will differ in their capacity to take in information and how it's explained. Obviously, saying it'll be lights out forever isn't going to provide the comfort of the theist's lie that you get a vacation unending at some theme park in the sky. Thoughts?

Easy answer.....
Explain death to them without any myths.

 

[Unveiled Artist]

You will be as you were before you were born. no pain. no distress. no awareness.

That makes the most non-theist sense. How do you explain that fact to a child or teenager, though?

Many children feel they're parents or whomever will "always" be there. Many teenagers feel they are "going to get a car, get married, have children, buy a single family home, travel the country, etc" and not realize these things take time and we don't have that much time to build credit, travel the country while raising two children, and so on and so forth aging a 17 year old teen to where she looks like a 25 year old adult

Anyway, the illusion that "there is time" may need to be explained but how do you explain that "you won't exist". We don't have anything to compare it to. We were not aware of anything before we were born.

 

[Penumbra]

I don't have kids nor do I plan on having kids.

I don't think I'd explain death to a child, especially in that context, unless the child asked me. Like, I see little reason to just kind of randomly volunteer information to a sick child that when they die, they're just dead. But if the child says like, "my friend's mother says that when people die, they are like angels in heaven, is that true?" then I'd have to talk to them about it.

I think I'd probably respond by asking what they think. Like, if I were to raise a child without religion, but they heard about some religions elsewhere, and they ask me what happens at death, I might say, "Well what do you think?". If they ask me what I think, I guess I'd say that it's probably like sleeping in a warm bed, or like before being born, that all pain goes away.

It's a really heartbreaking situation, but I'm not inclined to lie about things, to describe things that I think are false. But I'm also not inclined to drill into a child's head that death is final, and would prefer to let them come to whatever thoughts they do. I don't have a ton of experience with children, though.

 

[lewisnotmiller]

I don't have kids nor do I plan on having kids.

I don't think I'd explain death to a child, especially in that context, unless the child asked me. Like, I see little reason to just kind of randomly volunteer information to a sick child that when they die, they're just dead. But if the child says like, "my friend's mother says that when people die, they are like angels in heaven, is that true?" then I'd have to talk to them about it.

I think I'd probably respond by asking what they think. Like, if I were to raise a child without religion, but they heard about some religions elsewhere, and they ask me what happens at death, I might say, "Well what do you think?". If they ask me what I think, I guess I'd say that it's probably like sleeping in a warm bed, or like before being born, that all pain goes away.

It's a really heartbreaking situation, but I'm not inclined to lie about things, to describe things that I think are false. But I'm also not inclined to drill into a child's head that death is final, and would prefer to let them come to whatever thoughts they do. I don't have a ton of experience with children, though.

Your approach is not radically different from mine, so whilst you might not have much experience with kids, you've definitely got a valid approach going there.

 

[LuisDantas]

Lying to children is ugly. Yet another reason why I consider afterlife beliefs a disease.

 

[Curious George]

Lying to children is ugly. Yet another reason why I consider afterlife beliefs a disease.

One needn't lie.