Two notable **** ups

[exchemist]

When I was born, my father bought me a case of Grange Hermitage wine, which is a pretty big deal if you're a wine person. I turned 41 this year, and over time the case has dwindled with weddings, birthdays, funerals, you know, momentous stuff that warrants cracking an expensive bottle of wine. My Dad has a proper climate controlled cellar and all, so my brother and I keep our "birthday Grange" at Mum and Dad's place. Anyway, we opened the second to last bottle at Christmas past, and I brought the last bottle home with me from my parents' place, where it has sat in one of those travel/gifty wine tube-y things.

Today is our 7th wedding anniversary. To celebrate, my lovely lady wife and I decided to open my Grange and make a kid free night of it. So. I pick up the gifty tube-y thing, spin around, the metal end cap pops out, and out rockets a $500 bottle of 40 year old wine, right onto the tile floor.

So there's **** up 1. What can you do but shrug and say "what can you do?" right? So, I went and bought a $17 dollar bottle from the local bottle shop, we had wine and cheese and watched a movie and it started looking like the sort of evening in-10-years-we'll-look-back-and-laugh about.

Now, lovely lady wife has to go to work earlier than me, so she went to bed and I sat up pottering as I do. Then it occurs to me "Hey! Smashed a $500 bottle of wine! What a great story for RF! Too bad I didn't get a photo of it smashed on the floor, that would have really sold it... but wait!" thinks I, " the shattered pieces of glass and the mopped up wine is in a bucket by the front door! I can take a photo of that! That will be just as good"

So here comes **** up number 2... I am a PC guy. I am writing this to you from PC as we speak. My mobile phone does not take good pictures. I have tried and failed endless times trying to get anything other than potato quality with my phone. So, to get a decent picture, I decided to use my lovely lady wife's iPad, because say what you will about Apple, they put a decent camera in their product. It's been a long time common place in our marriage that electronic devices can be shared. We both have "our own", but we both know each other's PINs and stuff, and we'll often use each others' gear when appropriate. So, I grab the iPad, go to the bucket, put in the pin code, and right there in the centre of the screen...

"Oh god I need you here right now! I would lick you from your **** to your **** for hours"

Yeah. She's been having an affair with this guy for almost a year. Tonight was the first time I unlocked the iPad and she hadn't deleted their sexting session.

TL;DR First I smashed a $500 bottle of 40 year old wine, then I smashed my marriage. Happy anniversary to me!

Do not do anything rash or say anything rash. Easy to say things that are irrevocable and which actually do not need to be said. And keep lawyers out of it, if you possibly can.

Plenty of people can keep their marriages together, even after an affair comes to light. In fact I think I read somewhere that in around a third of marriages there is at least one episode of infidelity, by one of the partners.

It's horrible feeling and obviously very damaging to trust, but I have known people able to talk through the reasons for an affair and make decisions about whether they want to break up their marriage or keep it. Because it is the person having the affair who has put it at risk and they need to understand what they stand to lose if they destroy it. The fact the affair is secret may mean your wife wants the marriage. You also may think, when you have had a chance to recover your equilibrium, that this is what you also want, if it can be salvaged.

But all my sympathy - and good luck, however you want to manage it.

 

[wandering peacefully]

When I was born, my father bought me a case of Grange Hermitage wine, which is a pretty big deal if you're a wine person. I turned 41 this year, and over time the case has dwindled with weddings, birthdays, funerals, you know, momentous stuff that warrants cracking an expensive bottle of wine. My Dad has a proper climate controlled cellar and all, so my brother and I keep our "birthday Grange" at Mum and Dad's place. Anyway, we opened the second to last bottle at Christmas past, and I brought the last bottle home with me from my parents' place, where it has sat in one of those travel/gifty wine tube-y things.

Today is our 7th wedding anniversary. To celebrate, my lovely lady wife and I decided to open my Grange and make a kid free night of it. So. I pick up the gifty tube-y thing, spin around, the metal end cap pops out, and out rockets a $500 bottle of 40 year old wine, right onto the tile floor.

So there's **** up 1. What can you do but shrug and say "what can you do?" right? So, I went and bought a $17 dollar bottle from the local bottle shop, we had wine and cheese and watched a movie and it started looking like the sort of evening in-10-years-we'll-look-back-and-laugh about.

Now, lovely lady wife has to go to work earlier than me, so she went to bed and I sat up pottering as I do. Then it occurs to me "Hey! Smashed a $500 bottle of wine! What a great story for RF! Too bad I didn't get a photo of it smashed on the floor, that would have really sold it... but wait!" thinks I, " the shattered pieces of glass and the mopped up wine is in a bucket by the front door! I can take a photo of that! That will be just as good"

So here comes **** up number 2... I am a PC guy. I am writing this to you from PC as we speak. My mobile phone does not take good pictures. I have tried and failed endless times trying to get anything other than potato quality with my phone. So, to get a decent picture, I decided to use my lovely lady wife's iPad, because say what you will about Apple, they put a decent camera in their product. It's been a long time common place in our marriage that electronic devices can be shared. We both have "our own", but we both know each other's PINs and stuff, and we'll often use each others' gear when appropriate. So, I grab the iPad, go to the bucket, put in the pin code, and right there in the centre of the screen...

"Oh god I need you here right now! I would lick you from your **** to your **** for hours"

Yeah. She's been having an affair with this guy for almost a year. Tonight was the first time I unlocked the iPad and she hadn't deleted their sexting session.

TL;DR First I smashed a $500 bottle of 40 year old wine, then I smashed my marriage. Happy anniversary to me!

I haven't been here long to get to know everyone but I am truly sorry about your loses. Especially the trust and love you thought was going well. The broken wine bottle certainly goes in hand with the broken heart .

Best wishes for healing.