Unrelenting misery

[atanu]

My father was detected with cancer in January, 2001. Doctors gave him 6 months, with or without chemo. We did not go for chemo and opted for homeo medicine just for mitigation of pain from time to time. He lived for 8 months and relatively peacefully.

Nearly, at same time, my father-in-law underwent open heart by-pass surgery for alleged blocked arteries. And then the trouble started. Since, 2001, he has been in hospital every three months for clearing out fluid from his lungs and body. In India, it is a practise for family people to attend on the patient at hospital. My wife is single child of her parents and thus it has usually been upon her and sometimes upon me to be the attendant.

This has continued unabated for so many years with ever escalating problems. From last six months all vital organs have started failing and the last one month has seen total devastation.

For last one month I am attending in hospital on a patient whose heart, lungs, and kidneys are supported from outside. I am witness to rapid deterioration of brain function too. The person is in distress and often wishes to die. We all are in distress.

It is misery without a break. Is it pessimism to think that all so- called advances actually do nothing to relieve our pains .. Although apparently they do.

Man may be living longer but is it not a longer portion of unproductive, gloomy, painful, unhealthy, and tortuous life that we are going to endure?

 

[ratikala]

namaskaram atanu ji

my commiserations are with you , it is a difficult time to see any one suffer , I am also of the same mind in that we have managed to extend the duration of life but we have not nececarily been able to allways improve the quality , ...

personaly I feel that as we have become increasingly less god conscious we have begun to grasp more at material life to the point that we fear death , there is then the temptation to extend life at any cost ....?

nor do we want to face the truth taught by lord Buddha , ...that of life basicaly being suffering .

it seems that those who can accept this more readily actualy suffer less because their attatchment is reduced .

those who attatch less are also free to live more freely in the present moment and make the best of this life whilst we have it .

blessings to you for taking care of those close to you , ...
may you find strength and happiness also to rejoice in all that is worthwhile and beautifull .

 

[atanu]

namaskaram atanu ji

my commiserations are with you , it is a difficult time to see any one suffer , I am also of the same mind in that we have managed to extend the duration of life but we have not nececarily been able to allways improve the quality , ...

personaly I feel that as we have become increasingly less god conscious we have begun to grasp more at material life to the point that we fear death , there is then the temptation to extend life at any cost ....?

nor do we want to face the truth taught by lord Buddha , ...that of life basicaly being suffering .

it seems that those who can accept this more readily actualy suffer less because their attatchment is reduced .

those who attatch less are also free to live more freely in the present moment and make the best of this life whilst we have it .

blessings to you for taking care of those close to you , ...
may you find strength and happiness also to rejoice in all that is worthwhile and beautifull .

Thank you Ratikala for your wise kind words. I agrre with your view.

Finally, my father-in-law breathed his last yesterday at 4.30 pm IST. We cremated the body today.

 

[Willamena]

Thank you Ratikala for your wise kind words. I agrre with your view.

Finally, my father-in-law breathed his last yesterday at 4.30 pm IST. We creamated the body today.

My condolences to you and your wife.

 

[Sunstone]

Please accept my condolences.

 

[dust1n]

Best wishes for you and your family and friends, atanu.

 

[oldbadger]

Best wishes Atanu.

 

[4consideration]

My best to you and your entire family, Atanu.

 

[Amechania]

May you and your family enjoy many blessings. Doctors in the US take a symbolic oath to do no harm to their patients. Often in their desire to fulfill that vow they fail to fulfill see that continuing the fight against an unbeatable foe is less noble than surrender. My sympathies, and thank you for sharing your story.

 

[Penumbra]

My father was detected with cancer in January, 2001. Doctors gave him 6 months, with or without chemo. We did not go for chemo and opted for homeo medicine just for mitigation of pain from time to time. He lived for 8 months and relatively peacefully.

Nearly, at same time, my father-in-law underwent open heart by-pass surgery for alleged blocked arteries. And then the trouble started. Since, 2001, he has been in hospital every three months for clearing out fluid from his lungs and body. In India, it is a practise for family people to attend on the patient at hospital. My wife is single child of her parents and thus it has usually been upon her and sometimes upon me to be the attendant.

This has continued unabated for so many years with ever escalating problems. From last six months all vital organs have started failing and the last one month has seen total devastation.

For last one month I am attending in hospital on a patient whose heart, lungs, and kidneys are supported from outside. I am witness to rapid deterioration of brain function too. The person is in distress and often wishes to die. We all are in distress.

It is misery without a break. Is it pessimism to think that all so- called advances actually do nothing to relieve our pains .. Although apparently they do.

Man may be living longer but is it not a longer portion of unproductive, gloomy, painful, unhealthy, and tortuous life that we are going to endure?

I'm sorry to hear that about your father in law.

My father died in 2013, and for the last few years, he was also in misery. Surgery after surgery, medicine after medicine, all to fix him, and he was very uncomfortable. He was accepting of death, but also rather impressively able to deal with his constant procedures as well. For the most part, the predominant emotion I felt at his passing was one of relief, because he was at peace now.

I think modern medicine has done wonders in certain areas, like fighting cancers in younger people, allowing for complex surgeries, and things like that. We live longer than we used to, with a good portion of it still being rather healthy.

But I do think that, and it seems to be similar around the world, whether in India or the US, that the medical system prolongs life unnecessarily at the end. Economically, a large portion of expenditure occurs in the last few months, and more importantly, the quality of life itself just generally is bad.

I do wish my father could have eased a bit more peacefully. And I know that I myself would also not want to deal with what he dealt with.

I'm very sorry for your father in law and I hope that his passing will be peaceful, in accordance with his wishes.

 

[atanu]

Thanks to all friends for kindness.

My Guru, Shri Ramana Maharshi used to say, without any equivocation, that the body IS the illness. My experience (and my background with upanishads) also leads me to nearly same belief.

 

[atanu]

I'm sorry to hear that about your father in law.

My father died in 2013, and for the last few years, he was also in misery. Surgery after surgery, medicine after medicine, all to fix him, and he was very uncomfortable. He was accepting of death, but also rather impressively able to deal with his constant procedures as well. For the most part, the predominant emotion I felt at his passing was one of relief, because he was at peace now.

I think modern medicine has done wonders in certain areas, like fighting cancers in younger people, allowing for complex surgeries, and things like that. We live longer than we used to, with a good portion of it still being rather healthy.

But I do think that, and it seems to be similar around the world, whether in India or the US, that the medical system prolongs life unnecessarily at the end. Economically, a large portion of expenditure occurs in the last few months, and more importantly, the quality of life itself just generally is bad.

I do wish my father could have eased a bit more peacefully. And I know that I myself would also not want to deal with what he dealt with.

I'm very sorry for your father in law and I hope that his passing will be peaceful, in accordance with his wishes.

Please accept my belated condolence, dear Penumbra. Our experiences and our understanding are not very different.