Wanting to Believe in Jesus

[SearchingForGod]

These past few years have been absolutely difficult, to say the least. I have been struggling with so very much, from depression to OCD to past abuse issues and it's just been an absolute nightmare, especially since right at the start of all of this, I had just lost my faith in Islam. I tried my hardest to go back to Islam, but each time I had to turn away because certain teachings conflicted with my personal morals. Since then, I have checked out Unitarian Universalism, Liberal Christianity, Catholicism, Reform Judaism, and other religions as well... and yet I am still stuck.

I would just say that Judaism is right for me, because its beliefs all align with what I believe, but it's not as simple as that. The Jewish community where I live is very small and dispersed, so I feel mostly alone in all of this. Not only that, but there's no one around my age who is also at Jewish gatherings, making my isolation feel worse. This is to be expected no matter where I look, unfortunately, since many people in their early 20s don't seem to attend churches or synagogues in my city.

Community is not my only issue, however. The reason I couldn't join Unitarian Universalism was because there wasn't much structure to the beliefs, and I feel that I need that. In Reform Judaism, I think I'm starting to see the same problem, because it's so laid back. It's not the religion's fault at all, it's just me. I'm very liberal minded, but also very traditional in personal practice, meaning that I need to have a set of rules to follow. I need to have a certain way to pray (along with personal meditations), rules on how to dress modestly, possible dietary laws (I'll never touch pork unless it's bacon), and rules on how to be a pious and virtuous woman. That's just how I need to be. It's probably carry-over from being a muslim in my adolescence, but I can't help that.

If I'm having such a hard time with rules, however, that begs the question of why I can't just look into being a Reconstructionist or Conservative Jew. Those are other options too, as well as the option of me just strictly observing laws while still identifying as a Reform Jew, but there's something else I need to mention. I live with an evangelical Catholic family and if I were to tell them I was seriously converting to Judaism, I'm afraid they would have a cow. The last time I brought up the consideration of being Jewish, one family member yelled at me and caused me to go back into Post-Traumatic Stress mode for a few months. I don't want that again, so maybe conversion is not in the cards for me right now... or possibly at all.

It would be so much easier if I were to just be a Christian. They still would worry for my soul, but at least I would be in their realm somewhat. Not only that, but Jesus seems like a pretty cool dude and also like he might be what I need. I have a hard time visualizing that God is here listening to me in my woes and sorrows, but when I imagine that Jesus can hear me, it feels a little more real instead of like I'm talking to air. Besides, Jesus feels like a guardian angel kind of friend that would really be there for me and do his best to help me when I'm hurting... almost like an imaginary friend?

I have no idea. I personally don't think that God cares what I imagine him to be or look like, which is why I'm so fluid with my beliefs of God and why I'm in this mess in the first place. I should really just sit and meditate on this, but it's not that simple. It's like a fight inside of my head and I just wish my brain would shut up for a second so I could just think.

I wonder if Unitarian Universalism would take me back as a Unitarian Christian or Jew? Then I could have my liberal-yet-rigid beliefs and be at peace while I'm at it.

 

[littlefire]

Dear SearchingForGod, I cannot offer much advice but I can say that I feel for you deeply and am sending you lots of virtual hugs, positive energy, and prayers for clarity, healing, and comfort. I understand the realms of familial faith pressures and loss of community and intersections of faith and mental health very well, and if you ever need a ranting buddy, I got you. <3 Hold on love, you're a conqueror.

 

[Kemosloby]

When it comes to Christianity there are so many denomination it will give you the denomination blues. But you can always find some good songs on the Goodbye Babylon collection. Like this"

 

[lostwanderingsoul]

You can only believe if the Father calls you. Maybe He has not yet called.

 

[Katzpur]

SearchingForGod, I'm kind of confused. You seem to want to be a Christian. What, exactly, is holding you back? Are there certain Christian beliefs you just can't reconcile, or what? Is it that Christianity is not "liberal" enough for you?

 

[arthra]

Welcome to the Forum "Searching for God".. I hope that you find the balance you are looking for....

You wrote: "...I'm very liberal minded, but also very traditional in personal practice, meaning that I need to have a set of rules to follow. I need to have a certain way to pray (along with personal meditations), rules on how to dress modestly..." Sounds like you have an interesting background ..

 

[SearchingForGod]

SearchingForGod, I'm kind of confused. You seem to want to be a Christian. What, exactly, is holding you back? Are there certain Christian beliefs you just can't reconcile, or what? Is it that Christianity is not "liberal" enough for you?

I guess it's the whole commitment thing that I'm afraid of. I still need to do more learning, I think, before I commit to anything. Not only that, but I worry that my belief in Jesus might be a bit too based on emotion right now, and I'm not sure if I look at him as God's son, an imaginary friend to cry to, or simply a prophet who had good teachings (as muslims, we are taught that Jesus was a prophet and that God has no son, making this entire thing conflicting for me).

So, yes, I think I need more soul searching first before declaring myself as anything.

 

[SearchingForGod]

Welcome to the Forum "Searching for God".. I hope that you find the balance you are looking for....

You wrote: "...I'm very liberal minded, but also very traditional in personal practice, meaning that I need to have a set of rules to follow. I need to have a certain way to pray (along with personal meditations), rules on how to dress modestly..." Sounds like you have an interesting background ..

I'm a living contradiction, I'm afraid. Makes this whole faith journey of mine that much more interesting.

 

[arthra]

I'm a living contradiction, I'm afraid. Makes this whole faith journey of mine that much more interesting.

Sometimes "living contradictions" can be the foundation for a better reconciliation... My prayers are you will find it.

 

[Rival]

Conservative Judaism?

Keep going

 

[FutureFaith]

There are creeds and then there are covenants.

As a member of most religions, they ask you to profess your belief in a creed. This is an oath on how you will behave later in life. Creeds usually tie-in with ethics and rituals of that religion.

Covenants, however, focus more on immediate behaviors among people of your faith. Covenants are less focused on actual belief but instead direct their attention to the spirit of the tradition.

I am unsure, but I would suspect that liberal-reformed Judaism would have no problem allowing you to be a part of their creedal path yet worship and follow the covenants of the Unitarian tradition. If you are unable to make it a Unitarian Sunday service there is an option to do online-presence services, with the Church of the Larger Fellowship conducting worship directly to your Internet every Sunday.

Another option for you, since you are liberal-minded, are the Liberal Quakers. Liberal Quakers don't need to be Christian (most of them are) and many services follow a unique style of approach they call "unscheduled" services. What it is, is, you go in a circle with other members, everybody prays silently, and when someone has a revelation they stand up and speak it out loud. This route will most likely lead you down to liberal Christianity though, if you are okay with that.

To me, God is like Light. Everyone sees the Light a little differently depending how what time of day, where you are, and what windows you might be seeing the Light through. Nobody can stare at the Light for too long, or else they will go blind. Everybody describes the Light a little differently. Nobody can always see the Light, since the Sun goes down and everybody sleeps. We've invented religions to describe this Light. Some call the Light "Elohim" others call the Light "Yahweh" still others use different adjectives and pronouns to essentially call what everybody sees as the Light.

The correct religion for you isn't one where you seek God - it is the religion where God seeks you. That doesn't mean you should follow the whims of just any religion... You don't need to find a religion that you want, you want to find a religion that wants you for who you are. It all boils down to this... what you believe - whether it be creedal or covenant, or both, you need to apply that to your religion, not the other way around. The religion you follow should not focus on what they believe, and apply that to you ... ideally the roles should be reversed.

I hope you find what you're looking for.

 

[Rival]

Also, if you need an imaginary friend...just create one... I do.

No-one will know it's there... Cos it's imaginary.

 

[The Emperor of Mankind]

Also, if you need an imaginary friend...just create one... I do.

No-one will know it's there... Cos it's imaginary.

This is your imaginary friend calling; we need to have a talk.

 

[ClearPath]

Do not try and fit into a Denomination; let your beliefs guide you to the appropriate Denomination.
I am non-denomination, therefore my beliefs do not follow a specific doctrine.
The best advise is to read the Bible and submit to Jesus; you must believe in your heart that Jesus died for our sins.
God loves you...unconditionally; this is so important - He loves you how you are and no matter what choices you make in life; don't get me wrong, He may not like your choices, but He will never stop loving you.

 

[Katzpur]

I guess it's the whole commitment thing that I'm afraid of. I still need to do more learning, I think, before I commit to anything. Not only that, but I worry that my belief in Jesus might be a bit too based on emotion right now, and I'm not sure if I look at him as God's son, an imaginary friend to cry to, or simply a prophet who had good teachings (as muslims, we are taught that Jesus was a prophet and that God has no son, making this entire thing conflicting for me).

So, yes, I think I need more soul searching first before declaring myself as anything.

Your belief in Jesus might be emotionally based. On the other hand, it could be the result of the power of the Holy Ghost testifying to you that He truly is who He claimed to be.

At any rate, it never hurts to take your time. There's no need to feel rushed. Good luck with your search for truth. I hope you end up in the place you're meant to be.

 

[Tabu]

Dear @SearchingForGod ,
Reading through your post I could recollect similar experiences , even I had my good and bad days with Islam, even though I wanted to stick totally with Islam and tried hard but couldn't fully because there were some verses in the Quran especially those of punishments which made me feel restless and uneasy. Shia Islam was a bit more comforting than Sunni Islam due to the duas of the Imams but even they couldn't cure my sorrow as was their belief with duas , but did provide temporary relief.
I tried living without God or religion for sometime but that was too empty,directionless and hopeless.
Another similarity I could connect with is modest dressing , wanting for direction, hope , positivity and a goal to work towards.
While searching for all these I came across the speeches of Brahma Kumari sister Shivani , and was instantly attracted towards these teachings because of their positivity , hope and practicality.
First thing Brahma Kumari meditations taught me was to take control of my thoughts and emotions and eliminate the waste and harmful ones and even replace them with positive ones .
Another relief was knowing that Hell wasn't permanent and an acknowledgement that the last days are going to be hard.
It wasn't lack of patience but the weakness within us due to the depletion of the energies of the souls the reason for our sorrow and negative experiences , for having played innumerable roles which cover many births.
Further their meditations also taught me ways by which I could recharge my soul and start feeling better about myself. I am also more comfortable reading scriptures after the BK experience because now I have a different and more relaxed approach.
Most important of all my relationship with God is now a beautiful one.
I am not sure how far this interest you , but if you need to discuss further or may be if I could be of some assistance I would be delighted.
Or if you could mention what is that with Islam or other scriptures which bothers you , there are many here who could provide a more comforting interpretation , and I will try within my ability to present the Brahma Kumari perspective of that.

 

[RabbiO]

1) I am unsure, but I would suspect that liberal-reformed Judaism.....
2) .... would have no problem allowing you to be a part of their creedal path yet worship and follow the covenants of the Unitarian tradition.

1) It is not reformed Judaism, it's Reform Judaism.
2) It's a problem.

 

[viole]

Sometimes "living contradictions" can be the foundation for a better reconciliation... My prayers are you will find it.

Do you mean a reconciliation with cognitive dissonances?

Ciao

- viole

 

[Reverend Real]

These past few years have been absolutely difficult, to say the least. I have been struggling with so very much, from depression to OCD to past abuse issues and it's just been an absolute nightmare, especially since right at the start of all of this, I had just lost my faith in Islam. I tried my hardest to go back to Islam, but each time I had to turn away because certain teachings conflicted with my personal morals. Since then, I have checked out Unitarian Universalism, Liberal Christianity, Catholicism, Reform Judaism, and other religions as well... and yet I am still stuck.

I would just say that Judaism is right for me, because its beliefs all align with what I believe, but it's not as simple as that. The Jewish community where I live is very small and dispersed, so I feel mostly alone in all of this. Not only that, but there's no one around my age who is also at Jewish gatherings, making my isolation feel worse. This is to be expected no matter where I look, unfortunately, since many people in their early 20s don't seem to attend churches or synagogues in my city.

Community is not my only issue, however. The reason I couldn't join Unitarian Universalism was because there wasn't much structure to the beliefs, and I feel that I need that. In Reform Judaism, I think I'm starting to see the same problem, because it's so laid back. It's not the religion's fault at all, it's just me. I'm very liberal minded, but also very traditional in personal practice, meaning that I need to have a set of rules to follow. I need to have a certain way to pray (along with personal meditations), rules on how to dress modestly, possible dietary laws (I'll never touch pork unless it's bacon), and rules on how to be a pious and virtuous woman. That's just how I need to be. It's probably carry-over from being a muslim in my adolescence, but I can't help that.

If I'm having such a hard time with rules, however, that begs the question of why I can't just look into being a Reconstructionist or Conservative Jew. Those are other options too, as well as the option of me just strictly observing laws while still identifying as a Reform Jew, but there's something else I need to mention. I live with an evangelical Catholic family and if I were to tell them I was seriously converting to Judaism, I'm afraid they would have a cow. The last time I brought up the consideration of being Jewish, one family member yelled at me and caused me to go back into Post-Traumatic Stress mode for a few months. I don't want that again, so maybe conversion is not in the cards for me right now... or possibly at all.

It would be so much easier if I were to just be a Christian. They still would worry for my soul, but at least I would be in their realm somewhat. Not only that, but Jesus seems like a pretty cool dude and also like he might be what I need. I have a hard time visualizing that God is here listening to me in my woes and sorrows, but when I imagine that Jesus can hear me, it feels a little more real instead of like I'm talking to air. Besides, Jesus feels like a guardian angel kind of friend that would really be there for me and do his best to help me when I'm hurting... almost like an imaginary friend?

I have no idea. I personally don't think that God cares what I imagine him to be or look like, which is why I'm so fluid with my beliefs of God and why I'm in this mess in the first place. I should really just sit and meditate on this, but it's not that simple. It's like a fight inside of my head and I just wish my brain would shut up for a second so I could just think.

I wonder if Unitarian Universalism would take me back as a Unitarian Christian or Jew? Then I could have my liberal-yet-rigid beliefs and be at peace while I'm at it.

My brother, it sounds as if what you seek is not God, but is some man-made religion? God did not create religion nor shall you find God in a religious church. God created you and in you is God, this is why thy body is thy only temple. What you seek, my brother, you already have. If you wish to learn and understand the bible, I can help you by referring you to a book (The Words and Verses of Gregory St. James). However if you want to understand God, you need to look no further. For all that God ask of you or anyone else, is to obey the Ten Commandments. If you do not understand how to obey them then check out the book I mention earlier by Gregory St. James

 

[Reverend Real]

These past few years have been absolutely difficult, to say the least. I have been struggling with so very much, from depression to OCD to past abuse issues and it's just been an absolute nightmare, especially since right at the start of all of this, I had just lost my faith in Islam. I tried my hardest to go back to Islam, but each time I had to turn away because certain teachings conflicted with my personal morals. Since then, I have checked out Unitarian Universalism, Liberal Christianity, Catholicism, Reform Judaism, and other religions as well... and yet I am still stuck.

I would just say that Judaism is right for me, because its beliefs all align with what I believe, but it's not as simple as that. The Jewish community where I live is very small and dispersed, so I feel mostly alone in all of this. Not only that, but there's no one around my age who is also at Jewish gatherings, making my isolation feel worse. This is to be expected no matter where I look, unfortunately, since many people in their early 20s don't seem to attend churches or synagogues in my city.

Community is not my only issue, however. The reason I couldn't join Unitarian Universalism was because there wasn't much structure to the beliefs, and I feel that I need that. In Reform Judaism, I think I'm starting to see the same problem, because it's so laid back. It's not the religion's fault at all, it's just me. I'm very liberal minded, but also very traditional in personal practice, meaning that I need to have a set of rules to follow. I need to have a certain way to pray (along with personal meditations), rules on how to dress modestly, possible dietary laws (I'll never touch pork unless it's bacon), and rules on how to be a pious and virtuous woman. That's just how I need to be. It's probably carry-over from being a muslim in my adolescence, but I can't help that.

If I'm having such a hard time with rules, however, that begs the question of why I can't just look into being a Reconstructionist or Conservative Jew. Those are other options too, as well as the option of me just strictly observing laws while still identifying as a Reform Jew, but there's something else I need to mention. I live with an evangelical Catholic family and if I were to tell them I was seriously converting to Judaism, I'm afraid they would have a cow. The last time I brought up the consideration of being Jewish, one family member yelled at me and caused me to go back into Post-Traumatic Stress mode for a few months. I don't want that again, so maybe conversion is not in the cards for me right now... or possibly at all.

It would be so much easier if I were to just be a Christian. They still would worry for my soul, but at least I would be in their realm somewhat. Not only that, but Jesus seems like a pretty cool dude and also like he might be what I need. I have a hard time visualizing that God is here listening to me in my woes and sorrows, but when I imagine that Jesus can hear me, it feels a little more real instead of like I'm talking to air. Besides, Jesus feels like a guardian angel kind of friend that would really be there for me and do his best to help me when I'm hurting... almost like an imaginary friend?

I have no idea. I personally don't think that God cares what I imagine him to be or look like, which is why I'm so fluid with my beliefs of God and why I'm in this mess in the first place. I should really just sit and meditate on this, but it's not that simple. It's like a fight inside of my head and I just wish my brain would shut up for a second so I could just think.

I wonder if Unitarian Universalism would take me back as a Unitarian Christian or Jew? Then I could have my liberal-yet-rigid beliefs and be at peace while I'm at it.

My brother, it sounds as if what you seek is not God, but is some man-made religion? God did not create religion nor shall you find God in a religious church. God created you and in you is God, this is why thy body is thy only temple. What you seek, my brother, you already have. If you wish to learn and understand the bible, I can help you by referring you to a book (The Words and Verses of Gregory St. James). However if you want to understand God, you need to look no further. For all that God ask of you or anyone else, is to obey the Ten Commandments. If you do not understand how to obey them then check out the book I mention earlier by Gregory St. James