what about revenge?

[satyaroop]

hi,

I'm looking for your thoughts or input on this issue, if you have any....

I've been wronged by someone and have been living for some time with inner resentment, a grudge you could say...?....
some people tread on your toes to get what they want, I'm dealing with this type of inconsiderate person...

at times I feel some anger within.....hmmmm

I've been contemplating revenge, in this case an act I've decided upon you would consider trivial or minuscule but something that would still bother this person

is there a way to deal with this inner anger? will taking revenge soothe me in some way?
"don't get mad, get even" - is this good advice?

for any advice that you may give me, i thank you now.

perhaps just writing about this and sharing it is therapeutic....

 

[Shadow Wolf]

will taking revenge soothe me in some way?

Mostly likely it won't. It's hard to give advice without details, but chances are good you won't find fulfillment in it.

 

[bobhikes]

What I always do is use the anger to do something good. Find something the person hates yet you believe it is a good cause use the anger you have with them to force yourself to help the good cause spiting them at the same time. Win/Win

 

[Curious George]

hi,

I'm looking for your thoughts or input on this issue, if you have any....

I've been wronged by someone and have been living for some time with inner resentment, a grudge you could say...?....
some people tread on your toes to get what they want, I'm dealing with this type of inconsiderate person...

at times I feel some anger within.....hmmmm

I've been contemplating revenge, in this case an act I've decided upon you would consider trivial or minuscule but something that would still bother this person

is there a way to deal with this inner anger? will taking revenge soothe me in some way?
"don't get mad, get even" - is this good advice?

for any advice that you may give me, i thank you now.

perhaps just writing about this and sharing it is therapeutic....

I think there is a natural want to hurt others when you are hurting. As we get older, this want becomes more complicated. In the case of revenge, it is largely ego related: to see yourself as better than another. But will intentionally bothering or hurting someone make you feel good about yourself? Some people have conflicting feelings with this. For them revenge does not make them feel good. For others revenge does make them feel good.

Regardless of whether revenge will make you feel good, is feeling momentary pleasure really what you want in this relationship?

 

[Unveiled Artist]

hi,

I'm looking for your thoughts or input on this issue, if you have any....

I've been wronged by someone and have been living for some time with inner resentment, a grudge you could say...?....
some people tread on your toes to get what they want, I'm dealing with this type of inconsiderate person...

at times I feel some anger within.....hmmmm

I've been contemplating revenge, in this case an act I've decided upon you would consider trivial or minuscule but something that would still bother this person

is there a way to deal with this inner anger? will taking revenge soothe me in some way?
"don't get mad, get even" - is this good advice?

for any advice that you may give me, i thank you now.

perhaps just writing about this and sharing it is therapeutic....

What has helped me with grudges (I dont retailate) is thinking in terms of their karma and mine. I read a good insight. Insult

Its an short and easy to read dialogue between The Buddha and brahman. The Buddha discusses perspective on anger, retaliation, and solution in one.

The gist is that it isnt your karma to hold but theirs. If they feel they have wronged you, they have to work it out with themselves. While the actions you do, the consequence or benefit is yours and no one else's. So, when you "get that person back", if he or she knows how to handle insults, for him or her it may slide off their back while you hold on to the grudge.

I usually say, "thats their karma." as a mantra. Best I can do is control how I react rather than thinking if I control their action, I will feel better. Change perspectives.

Edit: Oh. Just realized my avatar hits the spot on this.

 

[Vee]

I don't know what this person did and maybe you're right to be angry, but find a way to put it behind you and let go of the negative feelings you have. Nothing good comes out of holding grudges. It will only make you unhappy and frustrated.

 

[pearl]

I would try to shake if off. Every time you dwell on it by seeking revenge, this person has won. Put this person in the past.

 

[BSM1]

Believe it or not forgiving the person and moving on is the best revenge.

 

[Thief]

hi,

I'm looking for your thoughts or input on this issue, if you have any....

I've been wronged by someone and have been living for some time with inner resentment, a grudge you could say...?....
some people tread on your toes to get what they want, I'm dealing with this type of inconsiderate person...

at times I feel some anger within.....hmmmm

I've been contemplating revenge, in this case an act I've decided upon you would consider trivial or minuscule but something that would still bother this person

is there a way to deal with this inner anger? will taking revenge soothe me in some way?
"don't get mad, get even" - is this good advice?

for any advice that you may give me, i thank you now.

perhaps just writing about this and sharing it is therapeutic....

small and trivial return for how you feel?

perhaps your feelings are not as demanding as you say

but should you decide on a grander scheme.....there is the law
and the law will assume your intent

apparently you are feeding a frame of mind that has become redundant
or is the irritation continual? everyday?

why not just move on?

 

[beenherebeforeagain]

just recently saw a meme that said something like, "It takes a lot less energy and effort just to forgive the ******* and move on."

 

[Orbit]

hi,

I'm looking for your thoughts or input on this issue, if you have any....

I've been wronged by someone and have been living for some time with inner resentment, a grudge you could say...?....
some people tread on your toes to get what they want, I'm dealing with this type of inconsiderate person...

at times I feel some anger within.....hmmmm

I've been contemplating revenge, in this case an act I've decided upon you would consider trivial or minuscule but something that would still bother this person

is there a way to deal with this inner anger? will taking revenge soothe me in some way?
"don't get mad, get even" - is this good advice?

for any advice that you may give me, i thank you now.

perhaps just writing about this and sharing it is therapeutic....

Living well is the best revenge.

 

[Hockeycowboy]

"When you are intent on getting revenge.....first, dig two graves." -- old proverb


Let it go!

"Holding a grudge is like drinking poison, and expecting the other person to feel the pain."

 

[Buddha Dharma]

I've been contemplating revenge, in this case an act I've decided upon you would consider trivial or minuscule but something that would still bother this person

is there a way to deal with this inner anger? will taking revenge soothe me in some way?

What good would it do to exact revenge on this person? Sure you'd be venting your anger, but Buddhists are warned about using anger as a weapon. Anger and resentment set the world on fire. Playing with anger is like thinking fire is a safe weapon to use. You'll end up lighting the world on fire.

One may think anger is safe and can be wielded with control, but it usually overtakes the best of us. It is a mind poison that distorts a person's expression into something frenzied like a brute and ugly.

There are ways of dealing with anger- like reflecting on what I just mentioned and letting the insights really sink in. Refuse to repay evil with evil. Let the bad karma end with you. This is a power we have as humans. Transform it into good karma by forgiveness and patience. See yourself as a medium for transforming bad karma into good.

However, if this person is too much of a bother and you feel this is impossible- avoidance and distance are better than perpetuating negative karma.

 

[satyaroop]

I appreciate all the replies

 

[Deeje]

@satyaroop would the act of revenge take you down to the level of the person who wronged you? How does being like them make you a winner....you both end up losers.

Rise above it and know that sooner or later that person will reap what they have sown.....you're better than that...aren't you?

 

[William Milverton]

.
.
Internet search < how to deal with anger > < how to deal with a grudge >

Totally remove yourself from the person or situation

Research the person. Find out his background and history. Fathom why he acted that way

Discuss the problem with someone who knows that person well

Put practical systems in place that will prevent it ever happening again

Internet search < writing as therapy > < therapeutic journaling >

Write the story down. Put all your hurt and anger into words.
Write it out over and over and over again until the emotional charge is gone

Tell that person what they did, why it was wrong, and what will happen if they do it again
Stick to that decision
.
.

 

[BSM1]

@satyaroop would the act of revenge take you down to the level of the person who wronged you? How does being like them make you a winner....you both end up losers.

Rise above it and know that sooner or later that person will reap what they have sown.....you're better than that...aren't you?

And if that person never gets their comeuppance then you're still the better person.

 

[Quagmire]

hi,

I'm looking for your thoughts or input on this issue, if you have any....

I've been wronged by someone and have been living for some time with inner resentment, a grudge you could say...?....
some people tread on your toes to get what they want, I'm dealing with this type of inconsiderate person...

Do you have to? Deal with them I mean?

If you do I would suggest wearing steel toed boots when they're around. If you don't have to, maybe you shouldn't.

at times I feel some anger within.....hmmmm

Usually when I'm PO-ed at someone over something that's already said and done (and therefore out of my control) to a large extent I'm really just PO-ed at myself for not dealing with the situation better: for letting myself be duped or used; for not standing up for myself enough or in the right way; or a lot of the time, just for being there in the first place, ie., for not paying attention to the warning signs or the "uh oh" feeling in my gut.

First thing you have to do is forgive yourself for letting yourself get hurt. Once you get the guilt and anger out of the way, the right thing to do usually becomes easier to see.

I've been contemplating revenge, in this case an act I've decided upon you would consider trivial or minuscule but something that would still bother this person

The problem with revenge is that you never can tell ahead of time what the ultimate consequences of your actions are going to be, or how much collateral damage a seemingly trivial action might lead to.

I don't have any moral objections to the whole concept of revenge, per se, other than the fact that in my own case, seems like it almost always backfires in one way or another.

is there a way to deal with this inner anger?

Punch something, kick something, yell at something --- preferably something inanimate and that'll make a nice crunching sound.

Work out until you're sweating and shaking. Turn cold residual resentment into adrenaline and then burn it out.

Then once you've got all that out of your system, sit down and think about all the things you could be doing with your mind that would be more worthwhile and more fun than dwelling on whoever and whatever.

will taking revenge soothe me in some way?

Only momentarily.

"don't get mad, get even" - is this good advice?

The "don't get mad' part is.

As far as getting even: one thing I've noticed about life is that if you wait long enough you'll usually see people's actions come around full circle. People who go through life screwing over other people usually wind up screwing themselves.

I generally let life get even for me, and I'm not usually disappointed. In fact, if I wait long enough and pay close enough attention, a lot of the time I'll wind up feeling sorry for your enemies. After I wipe the smirk off my face I mean.

for any advice that you may give me, i thank you now.

perhaps just writing about this and sharing it is therapeutic....

Can be.
(I feel better after writing all that ).

 

[BSM1]

Do you have to? Deal with them I mean?

If you do I would suggest wearing steel toed boots when they're around. If you don't have to, maybe you shouldn't.



Usually when I'm PO-ed at someone over something that's already said and done (and therefore out of my control) to a large extent I'm really just PO-ed at myself for not dealing with the situation better: for letting myself be duped or used; for not standing up for myself enough or in the right way; or a lot of the time, just for being there in the first place, ie., for not paying attention to the warning signs or the "uh oh" feeling in my gut.

First thing you have to do is forgive yourself for letting yourself get hurt. Once you get the guilt and anger out of the way, the right thing to do usually becomes easier to see.



The problem with revenge is that you never can tell ahead of time what the ultimate consequences of your actions are going to be, or how much collateral damage a seemingly trivial action might lead to.

I don't have any moral objections to the whole concept of revenge, per se, other than the fact that in my own case, seems like it almost always backfires in one way or another.



Punch something, kick something, yell at something --- preferably something inanimate and that'll make a nice crunching sound.

Work out until you're sweating and shaking. Turn cold residual resentment into adrenaline and then burn it out.

Then once you've got all that out of your system, sit down and think about all the things you could be doing with your mind that would be more worthwhile and more fun than dwelling on whoever and whatever.



Only momentarily.



The "don't get mad' part is.

As far as getting even: one thing I've noticed about life is that if you wait long enough you'll usually see people's actions come around full circle. People who go through life screwing over other people usually wind up screwing themselves.

I generally let life get even for me, and I'm not usually disappointed. In fact, if I wait long enough and pay close enough attention, a lot of the time I'll wind up feeling sorry for your enemies. After I wipe the smirk off my face I mean.



Can be.
(I feel better after writing all that ).

If I'm not mistaken Lao Tse said something to the effect that if you sit by the river long enough you'll see the body of your enemy float by. The older I get the more I see the deeper meaning of the statement.

 

[Quagmire]

If I'm not mistaken Lao Tse said something to the effect that if you sit by the river long enough you'll see the body of your enemy float by. The older I get the more I see the deeper meaning of the statement.

Just for the record: I was nowhere near the river on the day in question, and I can prove it.