What do you do when you know someone is lying?

[Gharib]

For quite some time (years) I have been able to pick up on the lies that people say when I hear them speak. Even if it's 2 people speaking to one another and I happen to hear them or walk past, from the 2-3 first words that I hear I can tell what the conversation is about. Is this normal?

Sometimes we ask people things while having a hidden reason for which we ask, I can pick up on that too. I know exactly why someone asks a question and whether what they present as the reason is real or not.

It's always like that with everyone outside of my household, is it normal? Is it wrong of me not to say to the one who lies to me that I know they are lying?

Or when they ask a question which has a hidden purpose? Should I come clean and say I know why they asked what they did?

The same thing goes on in RF. Although not always, but many times I know what the real purpose is behind a question or a statement even though on the outside it is presented differently.

Am I normal?

I have a thing for honesty and I think it contradicts my goal of speaking the truth at all times even if it means getting in trouble by not being upfront about knowing when someone lies to me.

I hate lying and I hate those who lie, it's been years since I deliberately told a lie, I may have mistakenly lied due to hastiness but I try hard to refrain from unintentional lies too.

So if i don't make it known to people that I know when they are lying to me isn't that like being dishonest?

The main reason why I have a problem with this is that a man tells a lie to those who he thinks he can fool. And I hate it when people become arrogant like that. I hate arrogance, it prevents you from accepting the words/advice of someone who is right while you are wrong.

When I am told that I am doing something wrong, I try not to argue and instead act like I am wrong so as to avoid putting down those who think they are right. (unfortunately you don't get that side of me on the forum )

Does anyone else have any similar experiences or any advice on what I should do?

Here's another related question, what is your take when you come across a person who is very quiet and doesn't speak very much but only when required. What are your thoughts on such a person?

I know someone who is like that, I have come to learn a few things about him and it's what I suspected. I consider such people to be men of action and not of words, I had this verified through some information that I received. I too am a 'quiet' person but not as much as this other person that I know of.

Sorry for the long post, I hope what I've said isn't just some drivel.

 

[Madhuri]

I think it's one thing if the person lying is actually talking to you or if they are a stranger you see in public. If someone is lying to you then of course you can point it out. If it is a total stranger than I suggest you leave it alone. It is not your business, you don't know why they are telling the lie (there might be a good reason) and they would not appreciate it. It is not the cultural norm to go to strangers and tell them they are lying lol.

So it depends on the situation.

I think quiet people can be great. I don't just say that because I'm a quiet person
I find that people who talk less think more and so quiet people often turn out to be quite wise/intelligent. But you can't judge a person on this single characteristic. Quiet people can be stupid or nasty as well.

I wonder though how the quiet person is related to your question about a lying person?

 

[Gharib]

I think it's one thing if the person lying is actually talking to you or if they are a stranger you see in public. If someone is lying to you then of course you can point it out. If it is a total stranger than I suggest you leave it alone. It is not your business, you don't know why they are telling the lie (there might be a good reason) and they would not appreciate it. It is not the cultural norm to go to strangers and tell them they are lying lol.

So it depends on the situation.

Sorry I should have been more clear, I meant when someone is lying to me, I don't like to butt in on a conversation and I rarely ever disrupt 2 who are talking to one another.

I think quiet people can be great. I don't just say that because I'm a quiet person
I find that people who talk less think more and so quiet people often turn out to be quite wise/intelligent. But you can't judge a person on this single characteristic. Quiet people can be stupid or nasty as well.

Yeah, you are right, it's not always the same.

I wonder though how the quiet person is related to your question about a lying person?

Not with the title specifically but in relation to how I can 'realize' things. I'm not impressed by those who talk too much about every little thing, but I like people who speak little and when they do speak they get straight to the point and avoid saying the other thousand unrelated words.

 

[Madhuri]

Sorry I should have been more clear, I meant when someone is lying to me, I don't like to butt in on a conversation and I rarely ever disrupt 2 who are talking to one another.

I guess even then it depends on the situation. I think if it bothers you then it is your right to tell the person you do not appreciate being lied to. Of course if they deny it then the conversation could turn very negative. If it were me I would base my response on who the person is, how they would react and how important it is.

 

[Madhuri]

It is interesting that you are so perceptive of people. Not many people are that perceptive. But it is not 'abnormal'.

 

[horizon_mj1]

eselam, I think you are a normal person who has an exceptional capability. It is IMO completely normal for some people to be better at some things than others. Maybe you dislike for lying is what amplifies and fine tunes your lie-detecting ability. I agree with Madhuri's advise on when it is and is not appropriate to point out rather or not person is lying.

Relating to your question on what is thought of quiet people, I partially agree with Madhuri - quiet people are thinkers and seem to be more intelligent - , but not in full. At times when you come across a quiet person, they are quiet to hide themselves or something about themselves in which they do not what you to know. Another logical reason is that the person may be difficult to know or quiet due their own "trust fears", they just simply do not trust too many people therefore keeping to themselves.

 

[Gharib]

I guess even then it depends on the situation. I think if it bothers you then it is your right to tell the person you do not appreciate being lied to. Of course if they deny it then the conversation could turn very negative. If it were me I would base my response on who the person is, how they would react and how important it is.

I agree, if I do tell them then I will definitely have to explain why I think they lied or why they asked a question which has a hidden purpose. I'm a little stubborn too so if they do try to deny it then I'm not going to be happy.

The main thing that's been holding me back is that, this is with everyone, it's not one or two people, it's everyone.

 

[Gharib]

eselam, I think you are a normal person who has an exceptional capability. It is IMO completely normal for some people to be better at some things than others. Maybe you dislike for lying is what amplifies and fine tunes your lie-detecting ability. I agree with Madhuri's advise on when it is and is not appropriate to point out rather or not person is lying.

I too have been telling myself that maybe my 'ability' is a result of my hate towards lying. I think it began ever since my anti-lying consciousness kicked in every time I had a conversation. I used to tell myself not to lie and now it's become like a physical thing that you see in front of you and don't need to mention it to myself anymore. Don't know for sure though, it could be possible.

I too agree with Madhuri's advice, sometimes just because I am right and someone is lying to me, it is not appropriate to mention it while there are other people around, it's a very heavy way to put someone down when there are others around.

Relating to your question on what is thought of quiet people, I partially agree with Madhuri - quiet people are thinkers and seem to be more intelligent - , but not in full. At times when you come across a quiet person, they are quiet to hide themselves or something about themselves in which they do not what you to know. Another logical reason is that the person may be difficult to know or quiet due their own "trust fears", they just simply do not trust too many people therefore keeping to themselves.

Is it a good thing though not to be straight out so trusting of people? I don't know this person all that well, I have seen them a few times but they are just way too quiet. I just want to figure this out through other peoples experiences if possible.

 

[Madhuri]

Being very quiet is not always 'normal'. Some people have social issues or have problems relating to others or knowing how to behave with strangers or in public.
Some people are extremely introverted. So they may struggle socially because of that.

But it could just be that the person is naturally not a talker and also values silence. Hard to know because everyone is different.

 

[horizon_mj1]

I don't think it is appropriate (or fair) to be completely un-trusting of people, but yet I don't think people deserve full trust right off the bat either. There is a possibility that this person may be really shy as well. You seem to be very good at observing people, maybe try and find a common ground with this person that will allow more interaction between the two of your. Body language has always been one of my favorite ways to "read" a person and is a highly effective tool, in this case I think it is needed, but please don't be too quick to judge, inverted people can be misunderstood and are the most difficult to get to know.

 

[Gjallarhorn]

When it's more amusing for me to not call out a liar, I don't. When it is more amusing to call them out, or they are misleading someone in a way I find inappropriate, I do.

Usually in the case of not pointing out the lie, I attempt to trap them in it through a simple Q&A. It's really just a matter of how bored I am.

 

[Gharib]

When it's more amusing for me to not call out a liar, I don't. When it is more amusing to call them out, or they are misleading someone in a way I find inappropriate, I do.

Usually in the case of not pointing out the lie, I attempt to trap them in it through a simple Q&A. It's really just a matter of how bored I am.

Unfortunately I don't like lies so I don't find a person who lies amusing, I try to be nice and pretend I have no idea they are being dishonest but I should start to tell them from now on.

It's becoming troublesome. They lie all their lives and still they aren't even just a little good at it. That's pathetic. If I had to lie I'd convince people that the sun is actually the moon. . But I don't like to lie no matter what situation or how much trouble I'm gonna be in afterwards.

 

[blackout]

If the subject being danced around doesn't directly effect you,
why do you really care?

If it doesn't directly effect you-
simply mind your own business.

People have all kinds of reasons for doing and saying whatever they do.
We all have the right to not have to explain ourSelves and our lives
to anyone and everyone.
If you feel a person is excessively untrustworthy?
Limit your 'business' with them.

 

[Gharib]

If the subject being danced around doesn't directly effect you,
why do you really care?

If it doesn't directly effect you-
simply mind your own business.

People have all kinds of reasons for doing and saying whatever they do.
We all have the right to not have to explain ourSelves and our lives
to anyone and everyone.
If you feel a person is excessively untrustworthy?
Limit your 'business' with them.

No I don't care what people do with others, I'm talking about cases where I'm thought of as the dum dum who they can lie to in the face and then laugh about it latter while I know about it.

I usually just don't say anything but I don't like it. I'm probably going to go off at someone in a bad way if i keep letting it go and have it build up over time. I hope I don't though.

 

[Terrywoodenpic]

I take people at face value.
However if they later prove to be untrustworthy , they do not become my friends.

There are many things we say that are not true in every aspect, but are "True enough" in brief conversation. ( life can be too short sometimes)
I have never bothered in the least what people say behind my back. (it would drive me bonkers to even speculate)

Nor do we ever know peoples motives ( they can be so complex that they are not even known to themselves)

Communication is far less than 50% verbal. We are picking up clues all the time about what people want, their mood, their friendliness, their honesty and their intent. Mostly it is not aimed at us, but it is there for all to see and read.

 

[HerDotness]

For quite some time (years) I have been able to pick up on the lies that people say when I hear them speak. Even if it's 2 people speaking to one another and I happen to hear them or walk past, from the 2-3 first words that I hear I can tell what the conversation is about. Is this normal?

Sometimes we ask people things while having a hidden reason for which we ask, I can pick up on that too. I know exactly why someone asks a question and whether what they present as the reason is real or not.

I'm wondering why it is that you feel so certain you're right about the person lying, especially when you walk past two strangers having a conversation.

Yes, perhaps you're psychic and are "picking up" on their thinking, or maybe you are unusually sensitive to vocal or other body language cues that indicate lying. Even the very best psychics have been tested and found to be no more than about 80% accurate, something to consider.

Either way, I think you're making some rather alarming assumptions about people, particularly people you don't even know.

Is it wrong of me not to say to the one who lies to me that I know they are lying?

Or when they ask a question which has a hidden purpose? Should I come clean and say I know why they asked what they did?

I hope you're well-trained and practiced in a martial art or other method of fighting, because you're going to have quite an experience when you find out your intuition about lying isn't as accurate as you believe it is.

Should really enhance your relationships to confront people and attempt to persuade them that you "just know" they're lying.

When I am told that I am doing something wrong, I try not to argue and instead act like I am wrong so as to avoid putting down those who think they are right. (unfortunately you don't get that side of me on the forum )

Let's see...you said you hate lying but yet you feel it appropriate to pretend that you're wrong as accused and thus to deceive the other person. How very curious!

 

[blackout]

No I don't care what people do with others, I'm talking about cases where I'm thought of as the dum dum who they can lie to in the face and then laugh about it latter while I know about it.

I usually just don't say anything but I don't like it. I'm probably going to go off at someone in a bad way if i keep letting it go and have it build up over time. I hope I don't though.

Some specific examples of what you're talking about
would be helpful to the discussion.

 

[BeckyRose1998]

I look at them with a blank expression and say, "Whatever keeps your Ultimatrix running."