What does it take to be loved?

[standing_alone]

Since you're an intellectual person, you might approach love in this way: By first contemplating that love is not merely an emotion, but also a way of seeing, a perspective, a way of experiencing someone. It's not just about feelings, but is also just as much about how you see someone. About what you see about someone. Do you see negatives or positives, for instance?

I don't know if I quite understand what you mean about this. I've been contemplating it, but I don't know if I get what you're saying. Would it be possible for you to explain this more? Sorry.

 

[Buttons*]

i'm gonna go with what everyone else said... just be yourself. People value confidence more than anything, i guess if you can get over any anxieties, it would be helpful for meeting people. Sometimes people just like other quirky people. Generally, they dont like to be too serious, specially when you first meet someone.

I'd like to know what you mean by love though... strictly romantic relationships or relationships in general?

 

[standing_alone]

I'd like to know what you mean by love though... strictly romantic relationships or relationships in general?

Both, but especially the first.

 

[Sunstone]

I don't know if I quite understand what you mean about this. I've been contemplating it, but I don't know if I get what you're saying. Would it be possible for you to explain this more? Sorry.

There's more than one way to explain that point, and some ways are more profound than others. But let's keep it simple.

Most people would call love an emotion. Of course, that begs the question of what is an emotion? According to modern science, all emotions have a neurochemical component to them. The neurochemicals create the actually physical feeling of the emotion. For instance, oxytocin creates warm and fuzzy feelings. Testosterone, among other things, creates feelings of horniness. And so forth. But those neurochemicals don't just create feelings. They also create perspectives.

By "perspectives" I mean those chemicals create predispositions to notice somethings and predispositions not to notice other things. An analogy is when you get high on alcohol. When you do that, you will notice that somethings which are not ordinarily important to you become important, while other things that are usually important to you become less important. What's changed in you because of alcohol is not just your feelings, but your perspective on things.

Love is an emotion (or more precisely many emotions), and just like any emotion that has a neurochemical component to it, being in love changes not only how you feel, but also how you see. It changes your perspective.

For instance, when you're not in love, negative things might have considerably more weight with you than positive things. Positive things might seem wishy washy and insubstantial. But when you love, you see the strength and value of those positive things. Previously, you had dismissed them as trivial. Now, you feel you understand them as if for the first time. Your perspective has changed. How you see things has changed. That's as much a part of loving as are feelings.

Now if someone were to fall in love with you, and tell you how much they admired your brains or your wit, you would almost certainly tell them they were making too big of a deal about your brains or your wit, because you are far too modest for decency. That approach amounts to trying to talk them out of loving you. They are merely telling you what their perspective on you is, and you are in effect arguing with them that their perspective is wrong. Don't do it! Just thank them for their admiration and move on. After all, that shows more respect for them and their perspective than does trying to convince them their perspective is wrong. Theirs is, after all, a legitimate perspective.

BTW, there are several neurochemicals involved in love and lust, and you should familiarize yourself with them and how they operate. Your library is sure to have books on the subject.

 

[standing_alone]

Thanks so much for your posts, Phil! Really interesting stuff - not anything I really thought of before. Definately, I will have to read up more on that when I have a break from school.

 

[SBrent]

[FONT=&quot]Unfortunately you cannot ultimately make someone else love you, however lovable you are, you can only make yourself someone who can be loved and a person who themselves loves, or is generally more kind to others, is surely more likely to be that…….. [/FONT]

 

[blackout]

Sometimes the people you get stuck with
don't know how to love.

that... says nothing at all
about how worthy you are of love.

 

[djpeters]

Do Angels have sex in Heaven?
(legitimate question, hopefully explorable here?)

 

[blackout]

What does it take to be loved?

It takes the right person/s to love you,
and your own openness to be loved.