What drew you to Satanism?

[Cassiopia]

What drew you to Satanism? Did you have any other religious or spiritual beliefs before? Was it a long process or did you always feel that you were Satanist?

 

[Orias]

I've always, yet strangely, considered myself "Of Satan", ever since I could remember. I never actually studied or sought out the actual philosophy until my transition into high school. After that, everything I learned about the concept I already inherently knew, which is why I felt I belonged so well.

Now I'm kind of indifferent about the term, it describes me best because I tend to stroke my ego, and I'm all about being oppositional and learning from the other side. I guess you could just call me competitive though.

I've always believed in a God though, I'm not sure if it was in the way most people do. But I was also more accepting of my atheist side around my middle school years. I've always just been...kinda weird

 

[Cassiopia]

Cutting a long story very short, with hindsight I think I was always drawn to Satan but I rejected it because it seemed to be at odds with all I knew and believed. I was brought up Christian then went through a Taoist phase (which is still sort of part of me) then discovered Wicca and became a witch. I later became a much more eclectic Pagan and my views and beliefs became increasingly darker. I established a strong relationship with my matron deity Hathor (which is still the case) but began to feel the need and call of an equally powerful male deity at the centre of my spiritual life. I explored many possibilities and felt the call of Satan very strongly but repeatedly rejected him until finally I didn't. After that things began to fall into place. I began to read about different forms of Satanism and realised I could go my own way and make Satanism my own rather than accepting other people's definitions of it.

 

[jasonwill2]

Was a fundie for a long time, but basically in the six months leading up to admitting I was a Satanist, the draw was... almost ungodly, shall we say? I was already exploring taboo things, and discovered real Satanism by accident. Totally wasn't what I expected.

I gave essentially my whole life story on it here though, in two consecutive posts:

http://www.religiousforums.com/forum/2993573-post14.html

http://www.religiousforums.com/forum/2993574-post15.html

When I think of it... had some really messed-up stuff happen in my life, lots I didn't include in there, and some stuff I'd rather forget ever happened. However I didn't "become" a Satanist because I was hurt as my Christians think, but ultimately because it was my nature.

However sometimes it doesn't help that my path is currently self-help/overcoming of many of my emotional issues due to my childhood or mental health. Christians like to use that as ammunition to rationalize that I "joined" Satanism out of desperation or spiritual confusion, or that somehow it is me wanting to express my anger and hate at the religious upbringing I had on and off as a teenager. Right now, overcoming and conquering all of that is part of my path, as it is an obstical to my greater Satanic goals. Though they won't have that same argument once I get over most of those issues, am over I'd say a third to half of them after a year or so of consciously practicing Satanism. So right now, Satanism is a religion of healing by overcoming my problems. hey! You might say that I am healing myself through my own willpower... Jason means healer, and Will as in willpower... jasonwill, two important parts of my path... the jasonwill2 path! lol. (actually it stands for jason and william as being a duality of my ego, but shhhh)

erm, sorry to ramble on