What if a Friend Made a Joke You Found Racist, Sexist, Homophobic, Disrespectful of Your Religion, etc.?

[Kathryn]

Oh no doubt. In fact just before you posted this I was thinking about the ways that some of my liberal friends become more [fill in the blank] as they get older.

In fact recently I've stopped talking to one of my liberal friends because he wouldn't stop insisting that I care about all the same things that he cares about to exactly the same degree that he cares about them, along with a schematic of what I should do about "[whatever]" once I wake up and start caring about [whatever].

In his case I've seen him become more self-righteous, more outspoken, more controlling and condescending as the years have gone by.

Goodness, there but for the grace of God go we. Or whatever. LOL

 

[Quagmire]

Goodness, there but for the grace of God go we. Or whatever. LOL

Oh I'm sure that some of my less charming personality traits have gotten more pronounced over the years too.

If anything, I've become increasingly more indifferent to what goes on in the world at large.

What I used to tell people from both sides of the fence whenever they decided they were going to take an hour out of my life to try and recruit me was, "I have my own little world online. And since I actually have a little bit of control over that world, and since I have responsibilities there, and since most of my friends live there, I'm going to leave fixing the wider world up to you guys".

That's never carried a whole lot of weight with anybody, but that's one of the places where my indifference comes in handy.

 

[siti]

What do you do when people start mouthing off about other people starting to mouth off about other people?

I suppose you could start mouthing off to other people about people mouthing off about people mouthing off about other people and see how they like it!

 

[SalixIncendium]

I'm going to confess right here in this very thread. I'll preface the confession with the announcement that I'm at roughly 1/3 Polish...

I confess that I find myself compelled to tell pollack jokes.

Does anyone here find this a bit fishy?

 

[siti]

I confess that I find myself compelled to tell pollack jokes.

Does anyone here find this a bit fishy?

Definitely...

 

[Twilight Hue]

I find jokes funny.

Many jokes have been made at my expense or the expense of a group I belong to, a good deal of them by yours truly. I have no idea why people take jokes so seriously.

I think people need to laugh more and stop taking themselves so damn seriously.

Yea I was enjoying racist jokes while riding with a Puerto Rican, a southern redneck friend of mine, and a Pollack and it was funny as hell. Nothing was off the table or forbidden with them.

Keep in mind this was just joking around laughing with themselves. In real life , they treated everybody with respect regardless of ethnicity and would not crack those jokes if the person felt offended over it , or wasn't familiar that kind of humor and can't laugh at themselves.

 

[Twilight Hue]

I'm going to confess right here in this very thread. I'll preface the confession with the announcement that I'm at roughly 1/3 Polish...

I confess that I find myself compelled to tell pollack jokes.

Does anyone here find this a bit fishy?

I'm a Pollack. I'm also German. What a combo!


I have a few red hairs in my beard so maybe I'm a wee bit Scottish too.

My desire is to take over the world playing bagpipes while screwing in some light bulbs!

 

[Stevicus]

I'm going to confess right here in this very thread. I'll preface the confession with the announcement that I'm at roughly 1/3 Polish...

I confess that I find myself compelled to tell pollack jokes.

Does anyone here find this a bit fishy?

I recall reading somewhere that one can't actually be "1/3" of a nationality.

 

[Rival]

I like Dave Chapelle and he makes those kinds of jokes.

 

[TagliatelliMonster]

This is a spin-off from the other thread I recently started:

What if You Found Out That a Friend Was Racist or Otherwise Hatefully Prejudiced?

What if you were in a friend group and then someone made a joke that you found to be racist, sexist, homophobic, anti-trans, etc.? For example, if that person made a joke mocking sexual assault survivors or using racial slurs such as the N-word, how would you react, and why?

If you're a religious person and would find jokes mocking your religion to be disrespectful or perhaps even blasphemous, like most people where I live would, then please include such a scenario in the above hypothetical when answering.

I can take a joke.

 

[Debater Slayer]

I can take a joke.

The question isn't about whether one could take the joke; it's about whether they would usually consider it acceptable or harmless to do so given the targets of the jokes (e.g., sexual assault survivors) or the content thereof (e.g., the N-word or other racial slurs).

For example, I have been around enough people of different personalities and from different backgrounds in various settings for jokes such as the abovementioned ones to not shock me or put me in some sort of confused state, but I would still find them tasteless. How I would react to them would depend on multiple factors.

 

[TagliatelliMonster]

Interesting. What is your favorite disrespectful antisemitic or islamophobic joke?

I wouldn't say "favorite", but I laughed when I was told these the first time:

Spoiler

"Why does a german shower have 11 holes?"
"Because a jew has only 10 fingers"

Spoiler

"What is the most popular kids show in the Middle East?"
"Dora the Exploder"

And here's one about both, so that nobody feels left out:

Spoiler

"What did the warning label on the suicide bombers vest say?"
"In case of Jews, pull cord tightly!"

"... taking themselves so damn seriously" is laughably off topic. I think people people need to consider damn seriously the attitudes they choose to normalize.

You know.... I would dare say that you have reached full acceptance and moved on from tribalistic thinking if people can joke about your group and having it be indeed nothing but a joke.

"equal treatment" is both the good and the ugly. I can laugh with jokes about me, my ethnicity, my beliefs, my non-beliefs, my hobbies, my loved ones, my line of work,.... as long as they are clearly jokes and thus not serious. There's no reason why I would or souldn't laugh with the exact same about other people, other groups, other beliefs, etc.

I think this is important. Being made fun off is an inescapable part of being accepted and treated equally.

 

[Viker]

What if you were in a friend group and then someone made a joke that you found to be racist, sexist, homophobic, anti-trans, etc.?

I wouldn't find the joke funny. I might would let them know it was stupid.

For example, if that person made a joke mocking sexual assault survivors or using racial slurs such as the N-word, how would you react, and why

Oh I would definitely let them know about that.

jokes mocking your religion to be disrespectful or perhaps even blasphemous

I would likely laugh with them or at them if it was a pathetic attempt at blaspheming. C'mon, how can you out blaspheme the perfecters of blasphemy?

 

[TagliatelliMonster]

The question isn't about whether one could take the joke; it's about whether they would usually consider it acceptable or harmless to do so given the targets of the jokes (e.g., sexual assault survivors) or the content thereof (e.g., the N-word or other racial slurs).

You will be hard pressed to find any topic that you could get met to agree that it's "wrong" to make jokes about tbh.

Off course, there is a time and a place for these things.
For example, it wouldn't be appropriate to start making jokes about gay people at the funeral of a gay person who was killed by a homophobe for the sole reason he was gay, to take an extreme example.

But would I say that it is "always wrong" to make jokes about homosexuality?
No.

For example, I have been around enough people of different personalities and from different backgrounds in various settings for jokes such as the abovementioned ones to not shock me or put me in some sort of confused state, but I would still find them tasteless. How I would react to them would depend on multiple factors.

You are more then allowed to find them tasteless.

I find "keeping up with the kardashians" tasteless. In fact, I consider the entire show to be an insult to human dignity and intelligence.
But they have the right to make their tasteless show, just like I have the right to be of the opinion it is tasteless.

When we are going to vaue things like freedom of thought, freedom of expression, etc.... we are essentially agreeing to accept that we are going to be insulted one way or the other at some point. You can't have one without the other. So to all those people who can't "take it", I can only say: get a helmet.

 

[Jayhawker Soule]

I wouldn't say "favorite", but I laughed when I was told these the first time:

Spoiler

"Why does a german shower have 11 holes?"
"Because a jew has only 10 fingers"

Spoiler

"What is the most popular kids show in the Middle East?"
"Dora the Exploder"

That tells me everything I need to know ...

 

[Debater Slayer]

"equal treatment" is both the good and the ugly. I can laugh with jokes about me, my ethnicity, my beliefs, my non-beliefs, my hobbies, my loved ones, my line of work,.... as long as they are clearly jokes and thus not serious. There's no reason why I would or souldn't laugh with the exact same about other people, other groups, other beliefs, etc.

With closer friends, we sometimes playfully tease and make fun of groups each of us belongs to, but the red line is when the targets of the mocking are people who belong to other groups and who are not present with us or don't like that kind of ribbing.

One time, we invited a new guy to hang out with us, and he made sexist jokes about women when all of us were guys. Nobody laughed, and he quickly realized that we found the jokes in poor taste. When our female friends are around, we sometimes make fun of each other and all know that it is good-natured and that anyone who doesn't like such humor can tell the rest, and they will respect that boundary.

 

[TagliatelliMonster]

That tells me everything I need to know ...

And what would that be?

 

[Debater Slayer]

You will be hard pressed to find any topic that you could get met to agree that it's "wrong" to make jokes about tbh.

I know that different people have different red lines (if any) regarding that, yes, which partially fueled my curiosity when starting this thread.

Off course, there is a time and a place for these things.
For example, it wouldn't be appropriate to start making jokes about gay people at the funeral of a gay person who was killed by a homophobe for the sole reason he was gay, to take an extreme example.

But would I say that it is "always wrong" to make jokes about homosexuality?
No.

I agree that "always" is trickier than "usually," "often," etc., but I also think some topics are inappropriate enough to make fun of that "always" comes close to being accurate, if it's not outright so. I can see your point, though.

You are more then allowed to find them tasteless.

I find "keeping up with the kardashians" tasteless. In fact, I consider the entire show to be an insult to human dignity and intelligence.
But they have the right to make their tasteless show, just like I have the right to be of the opinion it is tasteless.

When we are going to vaue things like freedom of thought, freedom of expression, etc.... we are essentially agreeing to accept that we are going to be insulted one way or the other at some point. You can't have one without the other. So to all those people who can't "take it", I can only say: get a helmet.

Are you talking about making such jokes in public? Because my question is completely unrelated to whether people are free to make such jokes; of course I don't believe that jokes one finds tasteless should be illegal or something. I'm specifically talking about a setting with friends or others one knows on a personal level, where anyone in the friend or acquaintance group could decide how to react, if at all, if someone else in the group made a joke they found tasteless or normalizing of a harmful attitude.

 

[Stevicus]

I know that different people have different red lines (if any) regarding that, yes, which partially fueled my curiosity when starting this thread.



I agree that "always" is trickier than "usually," "often," etc., but I also think some topics are inappropriate enough to make fun of that "always" comes close to being accurate, if it's not outright so. I can see your point, though.



Are you talking about making such jokes in public? Because my question is completely unrelated to whether people are free to make such jokes; of course I don't believe that jokes one finds tasteless should be illegal or something. I'm specifically talking about a setting with friends or others one knows on a personal level, where anyone in the friend or acquaintance group could decide how to react, if at all, if someone else in the group made a joke they found tasteless or normalizing of a harmful attitude.

I think George Carlin's views on the subject of offensive words and jokes made some sense to me when he said that it's all about the intent of the user and the context in which it's being used. Comedy is often used as a vehicle for social commentary, so in that context, there may be some offensive language, but not necessarily with any malicious intent.

As I mentioned earlier, when I was younger, such jokes were freely told, but over time, there were more and more voices (particularly from ethnic groups who were often the targets in some jokes) made it quite clear that they didn't like having jokes told about them or their people. It seems clear enough, and over time, more people realized that that particular brand of humor had to be put aside, especially in public or polite settings. They've become socially unacceptable now.

In private situations, among close friends, I guess that would be dependent on the dynamics of whatever group it might be. But it's been a very long time since I've heard someone actually tell such a joke in any real life setting. It's just not done, at least not in any place where I hang out. Besides, if someone wants to tell such a joke, I'm sure I've already heard it before.

 

[Kathryn]

I like Dave Chapelle and he makes those kinds of jokes.

Dave Chappelle lives right up the road from where I am moving in Ohio. He lives in Yellow Springs and I will be moving to Xenia!