What is immoral about casual and friendly sex between adults?

[ppp]

A: You're intoxicating.
B: You're amazing.
A: Sex?
B: Yes, please. I have till five.
A: I'll get a room across the street.
{pause for lingering kiss}
B: Any health concerns we need to work around?
A: No. And I test quarterly
B: Cool. Me too. But have had HPV
A: Not a problem. You'll get condoms?
B: I'll get the condoms. Latex okay?
A: I'm allergic.
B: Ok. I'll get polyisoprene. Lube preference?
A: Anything water based. And a dam. It will may me more comfortable. And get drinks and snacks. Salty snacks.
B: Will do. Here's my number. Text me with the room number.
A: You bet! {pause for promising kiss} We're going to have so much fun!
B: Feel my heart. It's pounding. I'd better go shopping before I forget how to walk. See you soon!

 

[epronovost]

There is nothing immoral there. It seems very safe, sane and consensual.

 

[Polymath257]

Sounds good to me. Although, in my discussion, I would also ask if they would like to talk to my wife to verify it is OK with her.

Now, how to find someone who is willing......

 

[JustGeorge]

That may be a bit... I don't know... lacking of something or another... Like I feel stopping to balance one's checkbook should be thrown in that conversation, but that's besides the point.

Adults can do what they want. What is moral or immoral varies from person to person. My only caution with people about to partake in casual sex...is it really just that? I know of a few folks who can keep it to such, but I know many more for whom there's always more drama in it than meets the eye. It often spirals into some kind of dysfunctional relationship. Not always, but often.

 

[sun rise]

From my perspective, it's a matter of superficiality vs meaning. The OP describes two people looking at each other and deciding to satisfy a momentary craving. The alternative is to look for meaning in relationships where two people really get to know each other and share joys and sorrows, highs and low and all the aspects of the fabric connecting them.

 

[sun rise]

That may be a bit... I don't know... lacking of something or another... Like I feel stopping to balance one's checkbook should be thrown in that conversation, but that's besides the point.

Adults can do what they want. What is moral or immoral varies from person to person. My only caution with people about to partake in casual sex...is it really just that? I know of a few folks who can keep it to such, but I know many more for whom there's always more drama in it than meets the eye. It often spirals into some kind of dysfunctional relationship. Not always, but often.

Great point about the consequences.

When I read your post, I was reminded of a couple I once knew who had an "open relationship". When the woman had sex with a 'friend' the consequences were something else and led to divorce and the ending of a friendship.

 

[exchemist]

A: You're intoxicating.
B: You're amazing.
A: Sex?
B: Yes, please. I have till five.
A: I'll get a room across the street.
{pause for lingering kiss}
B: Any health concerns we need to work around?
A: No. And I test quarterly
B: Cool. Me too. But have had HPV
A: Not a problem. You'll get condoms?
B: I'll get the condoms. Latex okay?
A: I'm allergic.
B: Ok. I'll get polyisoprene. Lube preference?
A: Anything water based. And a dam. It will may me more comfortable. And get drinks and snacks. Salty snacks.
B: Will do. Here's my number. Text me with the room number.
A: You bet! {pause for promising kiss} We're going to have so much fun!
B: Feel my heart. It's pounding. I'd better go shopping before I forget how to walk. See you soon!

Nothing, so long as it is truly just friendly and casual for both parties, i.e. neither is either reluctant or hoping for a relationship, and so long as adequate precautions against pregnancy have been taken, and so long as neither has any implicit or explicit commitment to others that would be violated.

I have never been in a situation like that. All my sexual encounters have been with girls that I have got to know first and who have been up for a relationship of some kind. Personally I find it difficult to envisage going to bed with someone I have not got to know.

 

[Hockeycowboy]

How trusting of you, to take their word for it, that they're clean. Or is that naïvete? Or simply uncontrolled desire overcoming caution.

Maybe they are being honest....they just didn't know they contracted a virus from another partner they had last night.

 

[eik]

Religious debate/topic? Surely in the wrong forum.

 

[Piculet]

How trusting of you, to take their word for it, that they're clean. Or is that naïvete? Or simply uncontrolled desire overcoming caution.

Maybe they are being honest....they just didn't know they contracted a virus from another partner they had last night.

Yeah, I heard from documentary there are people with HIV out there trying to give it to other people.

 

[Piculet]

Religious debate/topic? Surely in the wrong forum.

It will be when we get really outraged. The OP just wants to say that in his opinion, he already won.

 

[JustGeorge]

Great point about the consequences.

When I read your post, I was reminded of a couple I once knew who had an "open relationship". When the woman had sex with a 'friend' the consequences were something else and led to divorce and the ending of a friendship.

I'm reminded of a similar situation, in which the couple was 'swinging', and she left him for one of the men she had been 'swinging' with... Guess that broke up two couples, really.

 

[epronovost]

Yeah, I heard from documentary there are people with HIV out there trying to give it to other people.

There are such people just like there are people out there lookin to murder and eat other people. They exist, but they aren't exactly common nor do they deserve a special kind of fear.

 

[epronovost]

I'm reminded of a similar situation, in which the couple was 'swinging', and she left him for one of the men she had been 'swinging' with... Guess that broke up two couples, really.

But they might have built a better one too. Two "swinging couples" might just be two dead relationship that survive because the partners in them simply don't have it in them to put an end to such a lon relationship officially even though the feelings are gone. It's pernicious to look at things like that only in what is lost instead of what is gained.

 

[JustGeorge]

But they might have built a better one too. Two "swinging couples" might just be two dead relationship that survive because the partners in them simply don't have it in them to put an end to such a lon relationship officially even though the feelings are gone. It's pernicious to look at things like that only in what is lost instead of what is gained.

Its totally possible. I suppose it was easier for me to see what was lost because the man left behind was my neighbor, so his despair was what I was exposed to.

 

[Polymath257]

The main problem with 'casual' sex is that emotions usually get involved. How the people involved deal with those emotions is where things get messy.

Marriages don't usually break up simply because someone has sex with someone else. The problem isn't the sex: it is the violation of trust. Also, all too often, once emotions come into play, people easily cast previous promises aside, which is almost always a violation of trust.

Many married people live non-monogamous lives with no increased drama. Of course, many lead monogamous lives that are full of drama. All possibilities are real. Problems arise when expectations don't align with reality. And that is true whether someone is sexual with others or not.

And, yes, in the old Reagan terminology, 'trust, but verify'. Diseases are real. Some are life threatening.

Sex is neither moral nor immoral. Instead, the morality or immorality comes from breaking promises, from not communicating with a partner, from lying, etc.

At least, that is how I see it.

 

[ppp]

That may be a bit... I don't know... lacking of something or another... Like I feel stopping to balance one's checkbook should be thrown in that conversation, but that's besides the point.

Adults can do what they want. What is moral or immoral varies from person to person. My only caution with people about to partake in casual sex...is it really just that? I know of a few folks who can keep it to such, but I know many more for whom there's always more drama in it than meets the eye. It often spirals into some kind of dysfunctional relationship. Not always, but often.

I think that a lot of such issues stem from two things - not knowing one's self (as you suggest), and taught expectations about how one ought to view oneself, and sex. .

But people who come from strict Fundamentalist backgground often have the same problem with they leave the church and its sexual strictures. Their monogamous committed sexual relationships often spiral in to dysfunctional relationships. Not because the parteners are bad, but because the person does not know what to expect or how to engage in responsible sex, or respectful sex outside the boundaries of their upbringing.

How many people come from a background where they are not taught to feel "sinful" for polyamory?

 

[ppp]

Religious debate/topic? Surely in the wrong forum.

Maybe. Maybe not. Sexual strictures and condemnations are usually tied directly to religion.

 

[Piculet]

There are such people just like there are people out there lookin to murder and eat other people. They exist, but they aren't exactly common nor do they deserve a special kind of fear.

Well, you see I think the fear comes from the fact that it is about sex. You can be murdered by anyone in any circumstance. With sex, if you avoid the casual type, you're pretty safe compared to not avoiding the casual type.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

I don't see anything immoral about it. Shoot, I've had hookups that involved much less talking and prep than that.