You know, there are couples that live happily ever after.....What is their secret? Do you know any example of that type of relationship?
I know of a few.
I don't think it's a secret, but it sure seems that there must be a secret when so many don't last all that long. I've recently had two (one a family member, another both were close friends) that didn't last and I thought for sure both would. They both lasted over 20 years.
I think for "happily ever after" it is level of tolerance, ability to forgive and willingness to see spouse as dear friend foremost rather than great lover.
What makes a marriage successful? Is that compatibility or willingness to compromise? Maybe love or common interests?
I just want to be armed and prepared when time comes.
I don't think there's a way to be fully prepared because of how own self can change over time. IMO, that's the truly tough part. You think you know your own self, but just look back say 20 years ago and decide if you today would fully get along with that person, or would that person (you of the past) be all hunky dory with some of your beliefs today. Then there's the distorted love aspect as it relates to own self. The "no matter what you do, I'll love you." I think that works with friendships, for the most part, but not with romantic relationships. A lover goes to prison - that's probably enough to put an end to that (romantic) relationship. A friend goes to prison - that person still remains a friend (unless what they did to get into prison directly impacted the friendship). Just saying that if partner changes and you suddenly find yourself not in love/enamored with those changes, it is easy in non-marriage relationship to say - it's them, not me, and move on. But with marriage, you've probably made vows of some sort that amount to however they may change/grow, you still want to be with them, no matter what. So, truly on you if they change and you no longer have love for them.
Of the ones I know that lasted until death or are still lasting (both are still alive), I am aware of strong trouble spots that they had. So 'happily ever after' seems like a stretch. At least one of the ones coming to mind (where one of the spouses has passed away), it somewhat came down to the other spouse not having the courage to leave that relationship and make it on their own, along with how that might impact other members (namely kids) in the family. But another one comes to mind (both spouses now passed) where it isn't so visible to me that they had tremendously rough spots and I believe they always wanted to be together. I think of one spouse as super duper patient and forgiving and the other as a bit rude at times and yet passionate, social butterfly. Had that second person been with another partner, I don't know if it would've lasted. Thus, having someone who will put up with your crap helps, but ultimately I think comes down to are they friend more than lover?
