What Kinds of Differences in Worldview or Moral Values Would You Consider Unacceptable in a Partner?

[Debater Slayer]

What kinds of differences in worldview or moral values would you consider unacceptable in a potential or future partner? For instance, if you're pro-LGBT rights, would you marry someone who was against same-sex marriage? If you're deeply religious, would you marry someone who supported anti-religious state laws (à la the USSR)? Just a couple of examples among many.

Where do your red lines lie?

 

[JustGeorge]

I would struggle with an anti-theist for a spouse. This isn't because I have an issue with atheism, or see it as morally wrong. It isn't. I have no issue befriending atheists as well. But, my religious beliefs and practices are very important to me, and if I wasn't able to share that with my spouse, I think things would feel a little empty.

I did date two agnostics; one who found religion stupid, the other who was supportive but generally uninterested. The one who thought religion was stupid had more going wrong with him than that, so it wouldn't be fair to judge off of the experience with him. I appreciated the support from the other, but when I married someone who was actually religious in some sense, I really enjoyed that connection that I hadn't been able to share with the others.

Morally, I couldn't be with someone who feels its okay to insult other groups of people. If they have personal reservations, fine. But when they feel they are better and another is inferior, I take exception.

 

[sun rise]

My answer is rank immorality: Lying, cheating, stealing and the like.

As far as religion goes, my wife is an atheist so we each do our thing and agree that dogs are wonderful, especially golden retrievers.

 

[SalixIncendium]

After having completed three marriages successfully, I'm going to say my disqualifiers are the ability to draw breath and photosynthesis.

That said, I've had eyes for this rock for quite some time now...

 

[Debater Slayer]

I would struggle with an anti-theist for a spouse. This isn't because I have an issue with atheism, or see it as morally wrong. It isn't. I have no issue befriending atheists as well. But, my religious beliefs and practices are very important to me, and if I wasn't able to share that with my spouse, I think things would feel a little empty.

This is also how I feel about the idea of marrying someone who has particularly conservative social values, so I can relate. I also consider some beliefs immoral or at the very least deeply misinformed/misguided (e.g., racism and homophobia), so that would be an issue as well.

I did date two agnostics; one who found religion stupid, the other who was supportive but generally uninterested. The one who thought religion was stupid had more going wrong with him than that, so it wouldn't be fair to judge off of the experience with him. I appreciated the support from the other, but when I married someone who was actually religious in some sense, I really enjoyed that connection that I hadn't been able to share with the others.

Morally, I couldn't be with someone who feels its okay to insult other groups of people. If they have personal reservations, fine. But when they feel they are better and another is inferior, I take exception.

Where would you draw the line concerning social values such as the ones I mentioned?

 

[Debater Slayer]

My answer is rank immorality: Lying, cheating, stealing and the like.

As far as religion goes, my wife is an atheist so we each do our thing and agree that dogs are wonderful, especially golden retrievers.

As a liberal, where would you draw the line concerning social issues and values? Are the few things you listed your only red line?

 

[Debater Slayer]

After having completed three marriages successfully, I'm going to say my disqualifiers are the ability to draw breath and photosynthesis.

That said, I've had eyes for this rock for quite some time now...

Would it be accurate to say that you wouldn't mind differences in, say, views about which groups should have freedoms, etc.? Or are these red lines for you in some cases?

 

[greenboy21x]

If you're deeply religious, would you marry someone who supported anti-religious state laws

Nice recipe for disaster right there lol

 

[greenboy21x]

For instance, if you're pro-LGBT rights, would you marry someone who was against same-sex marriage?

Just for sake of ease, I will use this example and not one of my own. I personally do not support same-sex marriage nor do I support the LGBT movement. With that said, this does not mean I hate them either. To each their own in my opinion but, do not come to me asking me to support it or change my stance. I have given this particular issue lots of thought and I am firmly stuck in my stance. So, to answer your question, No, I will not marry someone that support same-sex marriage because supporting that comes with its own set of baggage. It does not simply stop at same-sex marriage.

 

[JustGeorge]

Where would you draw the line concerning social values such as the ones I mentioned?

I'd want to know why the social values were in place, and then decide accordingly. Also, is it something they're working on?

My oldest son's father was a racist turd. I didn't realize that until we'd been together awhile. Why? Because his parents were. He never critically thought about it, it was just "what I was taught is right".

My husband can be slightly homophobic. Why? Because when he was in high school, a local man tried to rape him and a friend. After that point, he became very cautious with gay men. As he got older, he realized that they're not all like that, and has had positive relationships with a few gay men. He worked on it.

I think its important to understand the mindset in which a negative thought comes from before we judge it.

 

[Nakosis]

My answer is rank immorality: Lying, cheating, stealing and the like.

As far as religion goes, my wife is an atheist so we each do our thing and agree that dogs are wonderful, especially golden retrievers.

I'm kind of here too though my wife tends to tell white lies to her family I don't much care for.
Still her family likes to gossip and criticize, so maybe a lesser evil.

 

[Debater Slayer]

I'd want to know why the social values were in place, and then decide accordingly. Also, is it something they're working on?

My oldest son's father was a racist turd. I didn't realize that until we'd been together awhile. Why? Because his parents were. He never critically thought about it, it was just "what I was taught is right".

My husband can be slightly homophobic. Why? Because when he was in high school, a local man tried to rape him and a friend. After that point, he became very cautious with gay men. As he got older, he realized that they're not all like that, and has had positive relationships with a few gay men. He worked on it.

I think its important to understand the mindset in which a negative thought comes from before we judge it.

I strongly agree that negative beliefs can't be assessed properly without looking into their source. However, from my experience with friends who have differing views on such things as social issues and religion, I believe it's usually both unwise and unfair to both parties to marry someone with the expectation that their views will necessarily change somewhere down the line. It's possible, but there's also a chance it won't happen, and I've seen the latter scenario lead to failed relationships because the differences were irreconcilable and directly tied to larger personal values.

 

[Debater Slayer]

Just for sake of ease, I will use this example and not one of my own. I personally do not support same-sex marriage nor do I support the LGBT movement. With that said, this does not mean I hate them either. To each their own in my opinion but, do not come to me asking me to support it or change my stance. I have given this particular issue lots of thought and I am firmly stuck in my stance. So, to answer your question, No, I will not marry someone that support same-sex marriage because supporting that comes with its own set of baggage. It does not simply stop at same-sex marriage.

I agree with your general view that such things often have other connotations. People rarely ever hold views in isolation of a larger context related to their personality, experiences, and values.

I wouldn't marry someone who was against same-sex marriage for similar reasons to yours: aside from finding the view itself too misguided and inhumane in most cases, I think it would also most likely be underpinned by deep incompatibilities that would render a marriage problematic at best.

 

[greenboy21x]

I agree with your general view that such things often have other connotations. People rarely ever hold views in isolation of a larger context related to their personality, experiences, and values.

I wouldn't marry someone who was against same-sex marriage for similar reasons to yours: aside from finding the view itself too misguided and inhumane in most cases, I think it would also most likely be underpinned by deep incompatibilities that would render a marriage problematic at best.

Completely agree with you. That's why I said It does not simply stop at same-sex marriage, there's more beyond that

 

[Brickjectivity]

Where do your red lines lie?

I don't know right now, because everything annoys me. Probably we'd have separate rooms, possibly apartments. But that's not really what you're asking is it.

Ok. I could not accept someone who was terribly dogmatic and preachy. They could have their position, but they'd have to respect that I had my own mind.

 

[Viker]

Liars, cheaters, ethnic supremacists, fascists, Bolsheviks, ultranationalists, homophobes, transphobic types, drug dealers, rapists, murderers. Can't hang with them.

Someone could be opposed to same-sex marriage and not be a jerk towards same-sex people. I could find them interesting. There are LGBTQ folks opposed to same-sex marriage.

If someone were nonreligious/atheist, no problem. I'm dating one of those now. If they were belligerently anti-religious and supported restricting (or worse) religious freedom I don't see how we could make it work.

For me, marriage isn't a big deal. I'll likely never get married and not lose sleep over that.

I doubt I would ever be in an intimate relationship with a fundamentalist Christian or the like. Not because of who they are but because of our obvious divide. Friends, possible.

 

[sun rise]

As a liberal, where would you draw the line concerning social issues and values? Are the few things you listed your only red line?

It never came up since we both shared those values when we first met. If she were a raging bigot, we never would have gotten together.

 

[Debater Slayer]

Liars, cheaters, ethnic supremacists, fascists, Bolsheviks, ultranationalists, homophobes, transphobic types, drug dealers, rapists, murderers. Can't hang with them.

Personally, I could hang (but not marry or be in a romantic relationship) with some people who have beliefs I find problematic or even immoral if I believed they could change and generally had good intentions. I used to be homophobic, transphobic, etc., myself and changed my mind following discussions on this forum and elsewhere. That progressive-minded people befriended me back then also greatly helped me see that my views were demonizing and incorrect.

Rapists, drug dealers, murderers, and other criminals who have actually done something malicious and/or intentionally harmful toward someone else are a different category, though. I wouldn't want to hang with them at all.

Someone could be opposed to same-sex marriage and not be a jerk towards same-sex people. I could find them interesting. There are LGBTQ folks opposed to same-sex marriage.

I think it mainly depends on intentions and whether said person knows the effects of banning same-sex marriage, which include an increase in suicide rates among LGBT people. Someone opposing same-sex marriage based on, say, purely legal or financial arguments (whatever those might be) would be quite different from someone opposing it (as in supporting banning it, not merely opposing it for themselves) based on the belief that being LGBT was "perverted," "immoral," etc., or something that should be legally restricted--a view I find akin to racism and ethnic supremacism in more than one way.

If someone were nonreligious/atheist, no problem. I'm dating one of those now. If they were belligerently anti-religious and supported restricting (or worse) religious freedom I don't see how we could make it work.

For me, marriage isn't a big deal. I'll likely never get married and not lose sleep over that.

I doubt I would ever be in an intimate relationship with a fundamentalist Christian or the like. Not because of who they are but because of our obvious divide. Friends, possible.

Agreed, on all counts.

 

[Quagmire]

"I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member." - Groucho Marx

 

[VoidCat]

They exist.

Key point: I don't want to marry anyone.
I may change my mind but I don't want to date or marry. I'd rather be single
I just aint attracted romantically to anyone. I used to think I was pan/biromantic but I think i was wrong. Im probably actually aromantic