This is because you are looking for it, you are objectifying it, instead of just being and letting reality blossom on its own. The first time I sensed the "I am" experience in the pristine, immaculate void, it was as if All That Is trembled in response. And it did tremble, not in fear or horror, but in pure exuberance and excitation.
"I am" is also part of what I call "Buddha's little joke". Sadly, it is a position one has to BE in to even understand there is a joke to be had.
So you have felt this too!
How to I hold on to it perminatly. I would like to be with it and have full attention on it perminatly.