What should I have done?

[Phasmid]

Sigh... it's never simple is it? On my way home from my morning lectures, someone across the road said, "Excuse me mate?" so I looked up and he crossed the road and pointed to a plastic bad in his hands and said, "This is all I own, please could you spare some money so I can get something to eat and drink?" out of a mixture of fear and awkwardness I got my wallet out, half expecting it to be snatched from my hands, and grabbed a £10.00 note out. It was the quickest and easiest way to end this disturbing encounter.

Upon recieving the note, the man seemed quite struck by the amount and seemed so grateful. I was happy at the possibility of having helped someone in need, but on the rest of my walk home, I was troubled by the whole situation. This is the second time this kind of thing has happened to me and I did the exact same thing the first time. I guess I was worried I'd be mugged. But now I worry, "Is that guy just going to buy a load of drugs and possibly end up killing himself?" "I've just encouraged him to ask more people by giving him that note haven't I?" "What if he asks someone else for money, due to my actions, and ends up getting violent with them if they don't give him anything?"

I actually feel bad about giving him the money. I worry I've put other people, even the homeless man himself, in danger... and all because I didn't just step back and consider it all.

What should I have done?

 

[BucephalusBB]

I once gave a beggar some money only to see him with a beer and a huge expensive icecream afterwards.. In my eyes, not the beggars thing to buy..
He had a smile on his face though and that was actually my first purpose.

You are in no control what someone does with his money.

 

[kai]

its the spirit in the giving that counts , well done to you --by the way you havnt got another one have you?

 

[Zeddy]

I wouldnt give him any money! Stupid beggers should find their own way of making money instead of taking from others earnings!

 

[Sunstone]

I suspect you need to accept yourself as you are, without praise or blame. The reason I suspect that is because giving the man money conflicted you in a way that usually indicates you did not act true to yourself. But, quite often, the reason we don't act true to ourselves boils down to not accepting ourselves as we are, without praise or blame, but simply as a fact.

 

[Phasmid]

I suspect you need to accept yourself as you are, without praise or blame. The reason I suspect that is because giving the man money conflicted you in a way that usually indicates you did not act true to yourself. But, quite often, the reason we don't act true to ourselves boils down to not accepting ourselves as we are, without praise or blame, but simply as a fact.

That's wise. I think my problem is confidence with regards to other people (at least face-to-face). Idealy, I'd have liked the confidence to say, "Come on, let's go to a café, we'll get something to eat and drink and talk about what happened. I may be able to help". But my social skills with people I don't know are... somewhat weak.

 

[Sunstone]

That's wise. I think my problem is confidence with regards to other people (at least face-to-face). Idealy, I'd have liked the confidence to say, "Come on, let's go to a café, we'll get something to eat and drink and talk about what happened. I may be able to help". But my social skills with people I don't know are... somewhat weak.

Be sure to neither praise nor blame yourself for the current state of your social skills. Doing either will never produce lasting change. Instead, simply observe yourself -- dispassionately, accurately.

 

[Phasmid]

Be sure to neither praise nor blame yourself for the current state of your social skills. Doing either will never produce lasting change. Instead, simply observe yourself -- dispassionately, accurately.

How do I do that exactly? You mean if I feel awkward talking to people, I should just think, "That's the way it is?" I find it difficult to observe it, it's difficult to get one's head around the concept.

 

[Zeddy]

Had you took the begger into a cafe for a cup of tea and a fruit scone, he would have probably slapped you in the face just for the offer. He wants the money for drink and drugs, maybe the odd bet or two, simple.

 

[mohammed_beiruti]

Sigh... it's never simple is it? On my way home from my morning lectures, someone across the road said, "Excuse me mate?" so I looked up and he crossed the road and pointed to a plastic bad in his hands and said, "This is all I own, please could you spare some money so I can get something to eat and drink?" out of a mixture of fear and awkwardness I got my wallet out, half expecting it to be snatched from my hands, and grabbed a £10.00 note out. It was the quickest and easiest way to end this disturbing encounter.

Upon recieving the note, the man seemed quite struck by the amount and seemed so grateful. I was happy at the possibility of having helped someone in need, but on the rest of my walk home, I was troubled by the whole situation. This is the second time this kind of thing has happened to me and I did the exact same thing the first time. I guess I was worried I'd be mugged. But now I worry, "Is that guy just going to buy a load of drugs and possibly end up killing himself?" "I've just encouraged him to ask more people by giving him that note haven't I?" "What if he asks someone else for money, due to my actions, and ends up getting violent with them if they don't give him anything?"

I actually feel bad about giving him the money. I worry I've put other people, even the homeless man himself, in danger... and all because I didn't just step back and consider it all.

What should I have done?

No problem!

God will ask about your intention , and won't ask you about what have others done .

you have an honest intention, and that is enough !

Qura'an Ch.2
[286] On no soul doth Allah place a burden greater than it can bear. It gets every good that it earns, and it suffers every ill that it earns. (Pray "Our Lord! Condemn us not if we forget or fall into error; our Lord! Lay not on us a burden like that which Thou didst lay on those before us; our Lord! lay not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear. Blot out our sins, and grant us forgiveness. Have mercy on us. Thou art our Protector; help us against those who stand against Faith."

 

[Sunstone]

How do I do that exactly? You mean if I feel awkward talking to people, I should just think, "That's the way it is?" I find it difficult to observe it, it's difficult to get one's head around the concept.

Close. If you feel awkward talking to people, simply observe -- without praise or blame -- that you are feeling awkward. Accept it as a simple, uncomplicated fact, and see what happens.

But don't tell yourself "I am awkward" -- don't try to cling to what you notice about yourself. Instead of saying, "I am awkward", recognize the transience of things (including yourself) by saying, "I am feeling awkward." or, "I am at this moment awkward". Resign yourself to what you are at any given moment. Be mindful of yourself as you actually are. And see what happens.

It can be very difficult to do this. But like most very difficult things, it becomes easier and easier with practice. Finally, you have practiced it so much that you can forget all about it and just let it happen. When someone starts playing tennis, they have to concentrate on their moves. But with practice, the moves come as if of their own accord. So, relax, have fun, and be curious to see what happens.

 

[Phasmid]

Had you took the begger into a cafe for a cup of tea and a fruit scone, he would have probably slapped you in the face just for the offer. He wants the money for drink and drugs, maybe the odd bet or two, simple.

I fear you're right.

 

[Phasmid]

Close. If you feel awkward talking to people, simply observe -- without praise or blame -- that you are feeling awkward. Accept it as a simple, uncomplicated fact, and see what happens.

But don't tell yourself "I am awkward" -- don't try to cling to what you notice about yourself. Instead of saying, "I am awkward", recognize the transience of things (including yourself) by saying, "I am feeling awkward." or, "I am at this moment awkward". Resign yourself to what you are at any given moment. Be mindful of yourself as you actually are. And see what happens.

It can be very difficult to do this. But like most very difficult things, it becomes easier and easier with practice. Finally, you have practiced it so much that you can forget all about it and just let it happen. When someone starts playing tennis, they have to concentrate on their moves. But with practice, the moves come as if of their own accord. So, relax, have fun, and be curious to see what happens.

Thanks, Sunstone, good advice, I'll certainly practice.

 

[Zeddy]

I fear you're right.

But why are you in fear?

 

[Sister Ash]

But why are you in fear?

God is here!

 

[.lava]

Sigh... it's never simple is it? On my way home from my morning lectures, someone across the road said, "Excuse me mate?" so I looked up and he crossed the road and pointed to a plastic bad in his hands and said, "This is all I own, please could you spare some money so I can get something to eat and drink?" out of a mixture of fear and awkwardness I got my wallet out, half expecting it to be snatched from my hands, and grabbed a £10.00 note out. It was the quickest and easiest way to end this disturbing encounter.

Upon recieving the note, the man seemed quite struck by the amount and seemed so grateful. I was happy at the possibility of having helped someone in need, but on the rest of my walk home, I was troubled by the whole situation. This is the second time this kind of thing has happened to me and I did the exact same thing the first time. I guess I was worried I'd be mugged. But now I worry, "Is that guy just going to buy a load of drugs and possibly end up killing himself?" "I've just encouraged him to ask more people by giving him that note haven't I?" "What if he asks someone else for money, due to my actions, and ends up getting violent with them if they don't give him anything?"

I actually feel bad about giving him the money. I worry I've put other people, even the homeless man himself, in danger... and all because I didn't just step back and consider it all.

What should I have done?

it is his business to decide what to do with that money and his responsibility. IMO you did what you could. however i personally prefer to buy food when i was asked money for food. not that i think they would spend it on drugs. but kids usually ask me for it and it is known their parents send them on the streets and later they take all the money from kids. so, yes, i buy food for kids and maybe give them little money to buy bus ticket.

in our commune we are advised to give money if we were asked to. because when they ask for money they say "for the sake of God...give me money". there are so many poor people who's begging and some have more money than i have. therefor i give little money, like a dollar.

don't worry, in case you did not give him money maybe he would steal and maybe he would hurt someone while doing it. think that way. you're good and what you did is fine.


.

 

[ChristineES]

You should do what your heart tells you to do. You don't need to feel obligated to give money, but if you want to do it, you can without feeling guilt. I once saw a homeless man digging half eaten pastries out of the garbage. I had no money at the time and I wished I did so I could buy him a decent breakfast. Sure, there is a big chance that if you give money the guy will go and buy a bottle of liquor or whatever but there is a small chance that he really needed the money and used it for something else. You just never know.

 

[Don Penguinoini]

I fear you're right.

The man is an idiot. That would NOT happen.

 

[Storm]

Sigh... it's never simple is it? On my way home from my morning lectures, someone across the road said, "Excuse me mate?" so I looked up and he crossed the road and pointed to a plastic bad in his hands and said, "This is all I own, please could you spare some money so I can get something to eat and drink?" out of a mixture of fear and awkwardness I got my wallet out, half expecting it to be snatched from my hands, and grabbed a £10.00 note out. It was the quickest and easiest way to end this disturbing encounter.

Upon recieving the note, the man seemed quite struck by the amount and seemed so grateful. I was happy at the possibility of having helped someone in need, but on the rest of my walk home, I was troubled by the whole situation. This is the second time this kind of thing has happened to me and I did the exact same thing the first time. I guess I was worried I'd be mugged. But now I worry, "Is that guy just going to buy a load of drugs and possibly end up killing himself?" "I've just encouraged him to ask more people by giving him that note haven't I?" "What if he asks someone else for money, due to my actions, and ends up getting violent with them if they don't give him anything?"

I actually feel bad about giving him the money. I worry I've put other people, even the homeless man himself, in danger... and all because I didn't just step back and consider it all.

What should I have done?

I think you did right.

I've been homeless before, and most of the street kids I knew weren't junkies or winos. When they panhandled, it really was to get food. I'll admit that cigarrettes were a close second, but I still give when I can.

 

[Mister Emu]

You did good Phasmid...

The only other thing, would have been if you were in no rush and offered to buy him the meal...

Other than that, you can't control other people's actions...