What to Do about "evil alcohol" when Dad visits

[Me Myself]

Lets put it this way..If his dad LIVED with him I would not say he should quit ever having alcohol in the house.Its not "hypocritical" if on some level we temporarily modify our behavior for the comfort of others.Or that we are somehow FAKE liars just because we ever conform to fit in.

Am I a lying hypocrite if I don't fart in front of anyone even though I fart in private?If I "hold it in" ? Because there is NOTHING wrong with farting I should let um RIP whenever wherever or else I'm a lying hypocrite because I "abstain when I'm around others I'm sure it would offend?NO! And that is a natural body function everyone does.Drinking is optional.Completely .

As I said, not drinking while his father is in is completely understandable and I would say it would be best for being a good host.

Deliverately hiding parts of his life or changing his enviroment with the known purpose of his dad "not finding out" about him drinking is another thing/

In any case, it would be about how it feels to him.

As long as he is not doing to hide the fact he drinks (and it doesnt FEEL like he is doing it because of that) then I see no problem.

 

[InChrist]

I think the most important thing is to consider others before self, so I personally would put the beer away out of respect and honor if it were my parent coming for a short visit. if having alcohol around would offend him.(Philippians 2:3; Romans 14:20-22)

If it was an ongoing situation then I would politely and respectfully have a talk with my parent about alcoholic beverages from the perspective of the Bible. I think the scriptures are very clear that over consumption and getting drunk is sinful, but there is no word forbidding alcoholic beverages.

 

[Penumbra]

So I’m new here and have an issue that I’ve been mulling over in my mind, and thought I’d seek some advice on. I don’t intend to get into a philosophical debate about alcohol consumption.

My dad is coming to visit me and I’m faced with this issue. He is a very conservative Christian, Nazarene. I was raised this way but I followed my mother’s suggestion and I question things. I am sure that I drive my minister crazy asking why for everything but I am, as my moniker says, not a sheep. I have a brain and I use it.

So, my father. Love him to death, but he believes that “alcohol is evil.” He says those very words, actually. Me, I believe that nothing is good in extremes, but moderation is good. As a result, I do not believe that alcohol is bad/evil/demonic/etc. In moderation. In excess, everything is bad. I enjoy beer. In moderation.

Dad is visiting, and I always keep my fridge stocked with some beer. I like to try new things, so I have a variety. My issue is how do I deal with dear old dad and his set ways? I don’t want to change just for him, because it’s my life, my choices and my heart is happy with my choices. I think it would be hypocritical of me to remove the ‘evil alcohol’ from my home, actually.

Would anyone have a suggestion with how to address this with my very conservative father? We have a great relationship, but I don’t change my life just because someone tells me to.

Thank you for your input

My father was similar. He was only a religious moderate so religion wasn't the issue (and he was Roman Catholic and they have no ban on alcohol), but he was an alcoholic in his earlier years, then eventually quit entirely, and became a professional addiction counselor as a second career. So, his whole career involved treating addictions in patients, mostly for alcohol and to a lesser extent for drugs. His personal experience combined with his professional career showed him pretty much only the worst side of alcohol. The fact that many people are able to drink alcohol moderately, and reap benefits without downsides, didn't seem to register with him. He became 100% against the consumption of alcohol, considering it always a bad thing to do.

So when he visited me after college, which wasn't very often, we just decided to hide the red wine and Captain Morgan rum. It took about a minute to do, and it just wasn't worth trying to change the mind of a 75 year old man in my view. If the context was different, like if he visited more and it was a hassle to hide it, or if he was younger, I probably would have put my foot down and said, "Look, we drink red wine with meals on weekends. Sometimes we have a Captain 'n Coke. Not a huge deal." but because of his age and his rarity of visits, we just found it easier to put it away.

Alcohol can make someone evil I believe.

I've actually found alcohol to be a pretty true revelation of character, especially in college when people drank a bit too much of it.

People that I knew that I was always a bit reserved around, viewing them as a bit sketchy- they tended to be the ones that, when drinking, would act in aggressive or inappropriate ways. But people that I knew that I always felt good vibes around, that seemed to be genuinely compassionate people down to the core- when they got drunk they were nicer than ever.

So in my experience, alcohol doesn't make anyone evil that didn't have those character aspects present in them from before.

 

[Titanic]

My father was similar. He was only a religious moderate so religion wasn't the issue (and he was Roman Catholic and they have no ban on alcohol), but he was an alcoholic in his earlier years, then eventually quit entirely, and became a professional addiction counselor as a second career. So, his whole career involved treating addictions in patients, mostly for alcohol and to a lesser extent for drugs. His personal experience combined with his professional career showed him pretty much only the worst side of alcohol. The fact that many people are able to drink alcohol moderately, and reap benefits without downsides, didn't seem to register with him. He became 100% against the consumption of alcohol, considering it always a bad thing to do.

So when he visited me after college, which wasn't very often, we just decided to hide the red wine and Captain Morgan rum. It took about a minute to do, and it just wasn't worth trying to change the mind of a 75 year old man in my view. If the context was different, like if he visited more and it was a hassle to hide it, or if he was younger, I probably would have put my foot down and said, "Look, we drink red wine with meals on weekends. Sometimes we have a Captain 'n Coke. Not a huge deal." but because of his age and his rarity of visits, we just found it easier to put it away.


I've actually found alcohol to be a pretty true revelation of character, especially in college when people drank a bit too much of it.

People that I knew that I was always a bit reserved around, viewing them as a bit sketchy- they tended to be the ones that, when drinking, would act in aggressive or inappropriate ways. But people that I knew that I always felt good vibes around, that seemed to be genuinely compassionate people down to the core- when they got drunk they were nicer than ever.

So in my experience, alcohol doesn't make anyone evil that didn't have those character aspects present in them from before.

My dad was a alcoholic too. When He got drunk He became abusive. I guess I should have used a different word.

 

[Skwim]

In summary, you don't have to live with your father. The concern comes from being a good host. If your dad becomes that distressed and is unable to even be around alcohol, my advice is to choose your battles.

Exactly. This is what any good hosts does; he makes his guests as welcome and comfortable as possible. And I don't think that refraining from having a brew, or even removing them from sight is too big a sacrifice to make for one's parent. I don't see it as an issue that deserves to be battled for, and I'm a long time drinker who likes a cool G & T before most dinners.

It all comes down to being a responsible host.

Welcome to RF.