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What were the reactions of your friends and family?

TommyDar

Member
When you become an atheist how the people around you act?

I was fortunately not near my parents when I left my religion. I think my mom would have a heart attack. But when my father heard about it he threatened to cut me out of his will and give my portion to my oldest sister. We have grown very distant over the years because of this.

As for my friends my ex-Muslim "friends" largely cut off contact with me and hates my guts for apostasy. I even had a few death threats and several intimidation incidents. The Christian friends that I met were initially very happy that I left Islam, but they were not happy that I did not become a Christian. One of my professors whom was a very religious person kept enticing me afterwards to join the Christian Church, but when I didn't he even failed me in his class. I think out of all the religious people only the Buddhist, Hindu, and Jewish people accepted me and didn't really mind nor try to demand my conversion to their belief system.

How about you? What were your experiences with those who were near or arond you?
 
I lost my job in 1985 because I discussed my atheism. After that I never discussed it again.

I left atheism behind in 2008 after a psychotic break showed me there is something bigger than me in charge.

I now defend both sides of the argument.
 

Wherenextcolumbus

Well-Known Member
Erm I'm accepted by my family as an atheist,
although I suppose some might think Satan is manipulating me, this bothered me at first not now.
 

InformedIgnorance

Do you 'know' or believe?
My father and me clashed a few times about it while my mother initially tried to pressure me into going to church as part of the family thing; eventually however I get the feeling they sort of grew resigned to it (I never really discussed the matter further with my father before he passed) as for my mum she knows where I stand and has herself become somewhat less religious (but perhaps remains spiritually christian as opposed to religiously catholic) over the years. The brother I live with also knows where I stand - we clash heads on occasion because he is into a vague sort of mystic based position (hard to describe) which only causes clashes because we ae both quite intelligent and opinionated. I once discussed it with one of my sisters who was completely fine with it up until the point where I mentioned logic, whereby she immediately said it was nonsense to attempt to use logic in examining the supernatural within our existence.

All of my family has come to accept where I am at, though most of them do not understand exactly where that is (for most people the ignostic approach is difficult to grasp so I have not gone into trying to explain it).

My best friend's family is extremely christian and they are perhaps the only ones seem perturbed by it at times, though they keep it to themselves as best they can (which I appreciate given how I feel at times about their position)
 
I grew up in a pretty liberal home, and my parents were quite laid back Christians. One day I just decided I didn't want to go to church with them anymore and I said maybe I'd try and go to other places of worship. They were fine with it, but I think deep down inside they really kind of expected me to come back. But they never pressured me into doing it and I'm glad that they didn't.
 

futilethewinds

Friendly Atheist
I didn't "become" an atheist. I always was one. My mother went from agnosticism to atheism as I grew up and my father went from belief (due to Pascal's Wager) to agnosticism. While they did take me to an Episcopalian church, they only did so in order to look good to a judge if my biological father ever challenged their custody arrangement in court. My biological father really didn't believe in anything, but he used the Worldwide Church of God to try to control my life. He never knew that I was an atheist. My parents don't really disagree with me that God does not exist, so I've never had a problem from them. My brother is an apatheist. The friends I have right now have varying believes, but many of them are not Evangelical Christians and even those who are accept that I am not. I had friends that accepted my non-belief even when I was as young as 8. So in short, I have not had any social problems due to my atheism.
 
A good number of my friends and family became atheists themselves, or something close to it, and I don't think it's unfair or immodest of me to ascribe these changes partly to the example I set.
 

LuisDantas

Aura of atheification
Premium Member
My so-called family never considered me a real person anyway. I don't think they know how to.

My friends usually learn that I am an atheist early on these days, so that I don't have to surprise them.

There are a few people who apparently expect me not to take my own atheism seriously, or even to pretend that I am not an atheist. I rarely become very close to them, though. It is in my personality to take religion seriously and speak my mind on the matter, and therefore those who would rather pretend than speak their minds usually have little time for me, or I for them.

Once upon a time, when I lived with my biological progenitors still, they did clash mightly with me. It was a living nightmare. But the issue was not so much that I am an Atheist as that I am not a believer in Kardecist Spiritism. They absolutely demanded me to, although they lie about it to themselves to this day. That was when I first noticed that Spiritism is often more of a disease than a true religion.
 
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Alceste

Vagabond
My father and me clashed a few times about it while my mother initially tried to pressure me into going to church as part of the family thing; eventually however I get the feeling they sort of grew resigned to it (I never really discussed the matter further with my father before he passed) as for my mum she knows where I stand and has herself become somewhat less religious (but perhaps remains spiritually christian as opposed to religiously catholic) over the years. The brother I live with also knows where I stand - we clash heads on occasion because he is into a vague sort of mystic based position (hard to describe) which only causes clashes because we ae both quite intelligent and opinionated. I once discussed it with one of my sisters who was completely fine with it up until the point where I mentioned logic, whereby she immediately said it was nonsense to attempt to use logic in examining the supernatural within our existence.

All of my family has come to accept where I am at, though most of them do not understand exactly where that is (for most people the ignostic approach is difficult to grasp so I have not gone into trying to explain it).

My best friend's family is extremely christian and they are perhaps the only ones seem perturbed by it at times, though they keep it to themselves as best they can (which I appreciate given how I feel at times about their position)

Oh lord, that reminds me of the time I spent Christmas with my good Christian friend's family. She and her sister actually sat me down and coached me to avoid causing any trouble with my non-religious attitude. Basically they wanted me to lie and pretend I was a Christian too. It really upset me. I wish she had told me how intolerant her family was before inviting me there. In the end I mentioned something interesting and innocuous I'd read about biology and her other sister blew up at me, saying "I'm not a monkey" or something silly like that.

At her wedding she had me tucked away at a table at the back along with her other heathen friends. I played a song during the ceremony and the mother of the groom bawled me out for not keeping my legs tightly closed (pretty abnormal posture for a guitar player). That's the only words she spoke to me for the whole event.

I gotta say, the general impression I got is that it is not worth getting to know the families and friends of my Christian friends. They're mean.
 

InformedIgnorance

Do you 'know' or believe?
Oh lord, that reminds me of the time I spent Christmas with my good Christian friend's family. She and her sister actually sat me down and coached me to avoid causing any trouble with my non-religious attitude. Basically they wanted me to lie and pretend I was a Christian too. It really upset me. I wish she had told me how intolerant her family was before inviting me there. In the end I mentioned something interesting and innocuous I'd read about biology and her other sister blew up at me, saying "I'm not a monkey" or something silly like that.

At her wedding she had me tucked away at a table at the back along with her other heathen friends. I played a song during the ceremony and the mother of the groom bawled me out for not keeping my legs tightly closed (pretty abnormal posture for a guitar player). That's the only words she spoke to me for the whole event.

I gotta say, the general impression I got is that it is not worth getting to know the families and friends of my Christian friends. They're mean.
*hugs* poor thing >.< some people are so needlessly intolerant... it is a bit worse though if your friend did not come to your aid when you spent that time at her house (though during her wedding she likely had so much going on that it would be more understandable if she had overlooked it then) but it would be a bit difficult for her to reproach them even then :/ but still x.x aghhh w/e *hugs* sounds like it was tough

I am lucky in that they were nothing like that to me (for some reason they have even made me the god father of each of the children - knowing full well I disbelieve in their god) and we engage in friendly banter (to the extent that each time they offer to pray for me I say I will pray to the mighty quetzalcoatl for them which produces wry smiles)

It is however something we each take into consideration... i dont burden them with facts and they dont burden me with belief. I occasionally ask them probing questions on the fringes of what I think might be an issue (in order to get their minds to consider the issue which might lead to progress in some area) and they occasionally look to comment on ancillary issues with me (nothing direct, no preaching or reproaching, no value judgements etc) It is rather lucky given that the mother of my best friend in particular is a born again type (who are generally more zealous than many other types of christians)
 
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Penumbra

Veteran Member
Premium Member
As far as I'm aware, nobody in my family knows that I don't share their beliefs.

They've never asked, not fully. One of them asked if I was 'practicing' (meaning a practicing Catholic), and I said no. Another asked me if I identify as Catholic and I said no. One of them talks to me about crystal healing magic and knows by my reaction that I'm not interested but trying to be polite.

I don't talk to them about most things.
 

jonman122

Active Member
Oh lord, that reminds me of the time I spent Christmas with my good Christian friend's family. She and her sister actually sat me down and coached me to avoid causing any trouble with my non-religious attitude. Basically they wanted me to lie and pretend I was a Christian too. It really upset me. I wish she had told me how intolerant her family was before inviting me there. In the end I mentioned something interesting and innocuous I'd read about biology and her other sister blew up at me, saying "I'm not a monkey" or something silly like that.

At her wedding she had me tucked away at a table at the back along with her other heathen friends. I played a song during the ceremony and the mother of the groom bawled me out for not keeping my legs tightly closed (pretty abnormal posture for a guitar player). That's the only words she spoke to me for the whole event.

I gotta say, the general impression I got is that it is not worth getting to know the families and friends of my Christian friends. They're mean.

All of this stuff just reminded me of when I was back in highschool, I had a friend who was Mormon (great guy, didn't push the religion on anyone but his mother had a different idea there) and one day I stayed over at his house for the night to play games. I had no clue that at 5am in the morning they all got up and went to the Mormon church for lessons. I kind of half knew some basic things about christianity in general at the time but I had no clue who joseph smith was, and a few times I was almost caught but my friend got me out of trouble by saying I was from the USA or something and they would drop the questions and just go about their business.

Was probably one of the scariest times of my life. Plus I was tired.

Also I never really had to announce being Atheist, my parents were already open to so many weird things that they didn't care where I went, as long as I thought about it first to make sure it was something I truly thought was correct.
 

HonestJoe

Well-Known Member
When you become an atheist how the people around you act?
I don't remeber myself but I gather than they cut the umbilical, cleaned me up a bit and handed me to my mother. :cool:

My parents are what I'd call "passive agnostic" and I live in the UK so luckily not believing in gods has never posed me any great problems.
 

lunakilo

Well-Known Member
Religion is rarely discussed in my family.
No one ever asked me what I believe, not have I ever asked anyone else in my family what they believe.

The few friends I have talked about religion with generally share my non-belief, so generally there was no reaction from my friends either.

The only time I have been in a situation where a friend reacted to my atheism was when I was sitting with a group of friends one afternoon at the university and somehow the topic of conversation drifted to religion. I don't really remember the words said, but it turned out that one of my friends was catholic. This came as a surprise to all of us. Personally I was very surprised because I had know this person since childhood and never realised that she was religious.
I guess that is what you get for living in a culture where talking about religion in public is considered bad style.

We all started asking her why she believed what she did, and you can probably imagine the scene of 5 athists drilling a catholic girl about her beliefs and her best defense (yes I guess it was a kind of attack on her beliefs :( ) was that that is what she believed and she didn't feel she was obliged to explain her self to anyone.

Later I felt really bad about the whole thing. To the 5 of us it was just an academic discussion, but to her it was a something really important.
We didn't realise at the time that we really hurt her.
 
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