Sunstone asked:
"When and how did you realize you had the sexual orientation that you have? Was there a conscious moment when you realized it, or did you always know it? Has anyone ever been wrong about what they first thought was their sexual orientation?
I've always known I was heterosexual, even from early childhood, but I experienced some mild questioning of that during my late adolescence. That is, there were times when I wondered if I might not be. I'm not sure how I knew I was heterosexual when I was a child, but I just knew and never really thought about it until late adolescence."
In reflection, my first "indicator" of being heterosexual was a crush I had on a girl in First grade. I worried and worked over a hand-made Valentine especially purposed to woo her attentions to my particular favor (it didn't work). I should mention that back in those days it was expected that everyone craft and deliver (into handmade Valentine shoe-boxes) Valentine's Day cards for each and every classmate (regardless of gender!). Needless to say, I retained no concept of genuine sexuality (or carnal interests) at that point in time - I only knew that I thought this little gal was cute, and I wanted to be her best pal.
I don't suppose that my sexual "fires" were kindled until I was about nine or ten years old. By then of course, showers after gym class were the norm, and the sight of nekkid' boys did nothing to stir my passions or girdle my loins. But gals in close-fitting hot pants, and hints of budding breasts certainly "tightened" my own shorts with increasing and (uninhibited) frequency. Although I understood (factually) how each gender's "plumbing" functioned, and what it's "primary purpose" served, I know (now) that I didn't know (then) what I would have done to fully appreciate any veritable sexual encounter or experience had one presented itself for some orgasmically gratifying fulfillment.
[I should note that my early formative years were "exposed" and strongly influenced within a Japanese culture of public baths...and a child's unabashed nudity amongst naked adult company. I was raised to be unashamed of being naked, and that public nudity had it's place in a decent, honorable society.]
I also recall about that time my first exposure (revelation?) to hard-core pornography (my dad was an aficionado of sorts). I had seen the nude models of Playboy in my earlier days, and thought nothing of seeing beautiful, naked women (kind of a "been there, done that" sort of thing). I remember thinking that the "models" in these hard-core shoots must be indulging some artful deceptions, or fakery of photography - surely "regular" people didn't put their things in all those places and into (multiple) other people without being married, or intending to procreate. It was a few years yet to come (no pun intended) before I realized that such actions were actually well-motivated beyond any singular desire or intent to solely "make babies".
The full force of my heterosexuality was realized in my sixteenth year of a gangling, awkward existence - compliments of an "older woman" (she was nineteen).
Oh! My! Gawd!
So that's what all the sexual fuss was about?! NO freakin' wonder why adults (and everyone else) were obsessed with sex! And what do you know? People really did put their "things" in all of those different orifices...for (finally) perfectly understandable reasons!
The rest...as it is often said...is history.
Women smell different; have wonderful soft places and pieces to investigate, indulge, and appreciate; and they make cooing, pleasing, and squealing sounds that men can never replicate or duplicate.
I can't imagine what it must be like to be a male homosexual. I can't imagine why most women would be attracted to smelly, hairy, hard muscled, uninteresting male physiques. If I were a woman, I would almost certainly be a lesbian. The idea of sex with a man is, well, distinctly repellant to me. I know men. I know what they think, and I know what they're capable of doing, given the invitation or opportunity (men will do practically anything to gratify their sexual proclivities - and I mean anything).
In my intemperate college days, I reviled male homosexuals (though I dated some "bisexual" gals- and imminently enjoyed the extant sexual opportunities of "sharing" their willing participatory "girlfriends"). I would not say that I was ever "homophobic" ("fear" was not a factor); I simply regarded "queers" as "girly men" that couldn't "get it up" for "real women". I have mellowed and wizened with age and time, and now consider "sexual/gender preference" but one of many considerations of individual personality and character. If someone says "I'm gay", I say "OK...but what else?" I confess that I (still!) retain a minimal (and intellectually embarrassing) prejudice against outwardly, affectedly effeminate gay men (but to be fair, some gay friends of mine retain a similar bias)...but hey - I confess I still have some "growing up" left to achieve.
Just the same, in my life's travels, I have come to sympathize (if not empathise) with the social plight of bias, prejudice, intolerance, and downright hatred that overt homosexuals must endure daily, and hope someday to overcome.
I believe self-professed homosexuals when they claim that their "sexual orientation" is not a conscious choice or "preference" (like chocolate vs. vanilla ice cream). I can recall no time in my life wherein I consciously "chose" (preferentially) to be "straight". I still can't imagine any male "preferentially choosing" to have sex relations with another guy, over just about any "available" woman (though, as previously noted, I can fully appreciate lesbian tendencies or "chosen" attractions to other women - a biased and personalized double-standard I readily concede as my own flaw in character).
In more mature acquittal of my youthful transgressional offenses towards male homosexuals, I have come to appreciate and embrace the realities and priorities of simplistic and basic humanity, over primordial sexual proclivities or assignations. My "sexual orientation" should have no impact nor bearing on my unalienable rights as a human being, or equality (by due process) of my civil liberties as a citizen of a nation dedicated to the preservation of those secured principles and guarantees, insuring the safety and happiness within the just powers of an instituted and self-governed people.
[Wow. Waaay TMI. But, what the heck. At least it's all from the heart.]
