When you watch someone die, what do you see?

[Cardboard]

I would like to know the perceptions outside my own, of people who have seen death in various forms.
I do not want personal tragedies, that is not what I am asking for, but if it is relevant and you feel you can share it, then please do, only if you feel comfortable with it. This question is best answered by observers that were not related to or close friends of the person, or persons observed.

I have been an ER , ICU and code team Nurse for over 20 years, and in that time, I have watched, well more people than I can count meet the end of there physical existence, I have watched people die slowly, degrading as death settles in, to massive traumas, that take them quickly .

I know my perception, what I have seen and what I have not, but I am wondering what others see, maybe they see more than what I have seen, maybe they have seen less, but I am truly interested in anything that is offered.

What did you see in the persons face as they died?

What, if any feeling did you experience at that time?

The others around, could you feel there grief?

Did you see anything unexplainable?

Anything else would be helpful.


Sometimes in witnessing death, one can only truly understand the greatness of life.

 

[Thana]

My experience was my Grandfather, Who was brain-dead and about to be taken off life support. It's hard to explain, But when I looked at him I just knew he wasn't really there.

It was like, When you're around people there's an unconcious knowledge of their presense, And you don't realize it's there until you come across a body and you feel it's loss.

 

[Cardboard]

My experience was my Grandfather, Who was brain-dead and about to be taken off life support. It's hard to explain, But when I looked at him I just knew he wasn't really there.

It was like, When you're around people there's an unconcious knowledge of their presense, And you don't realize it's there until you come across a body and you feel it's loss.

That has been my experience as well, there is something missing besides simple lack of consciousness or physical function, an energy that is missing somehow, but that is just my own experience.

, Oh Thana, please respond to the omniscience post

 

[Simurgh]

As my husband lay dying (it took a long time) I would come to the hospital every night to sit with him. Approximately 4 days before he did die physically, I noticed that he turned away from life. it's not that he physically moved, he could not, he was in an induced coma. It was more of an energy withdrawal. The light just left and I knew he was ready to move on. SO when they called to tell me that he had died during emergency surgery, I had already accepted his death, because for me it happened days earlier.

 

[Cardboard]

As my husband lay dying (it took a long time) I would come to the hospital every night to sit with him. Approximately 4 days before he did die physically, I noticed that he turned away from life. it's not that he physically moved, he could not, he was in an induced coma. It was more of an energy withdrawal. The light just left and I knew he was ready to move on. SO when they called to tell me that he had died during emergency surgery, I had already accepted his death, because for me it happened days earlier.

Thank you for sharing that Simurgh.

I have seen this so many times in slower deaths, where you feel that loss, you know intuitivly that that person is no longer there even before the physical body is gone.

It is much harder to see, when it is someone you love because you want them to be there , you dont want them to go.

 

[Core]

Years ago, watching my cat Angie die. I had moved out of my mom's house by then, but she called me over because Angie was acing so ill that she was going to take her to the animal hospital. I held her in my arms the whole way there and I've never felt her so thin or still in my life. She meowed (or tried to meow) with every bump, and I could tell she was in deep distress. I knew this was going to be it.
She was diagnosed with lymphoma, for which extensive, costly treatments could be procured, but it would only be buying time. I held her and stroked her, and the look on her face told me what she wanted. So I told them to give her a lethal injection and I held her to my heart long after her last breath.
It's difficult to say whether or not you "see" or "feel" anything in those moments of intense grief. But holding that casket on the way to find a proper burial place- it felt as if there was a diffusing warmth. I fought the urge to open the casket to see if perhaps she was still alive. I think that it could very well be psychosomatic, as well as mental rejection of the tragedy that you just witnessed. So I would say that these kinds of experiences, and likely more intense ones, are more than likely the result of our brains processing the shocking reality of ultimate loss.

 

[Cardboard]

Years ago, watching my cat Angie die. I had moved out of my mom's house by then, but she called me over because Angie was acing so ill that she was going to take her to the animal hospital. I held her in my arms the whole way there and I've never felt her so thin or still in my life. She meowed (or tried to meow) with every bump, and I could tell she was in deep distress. I knew this was going to be it.
She was diagnosed with lymphoma, for which extensive, costly treatments could be procured, but it would only be buying time. I held her and stroked her, and the look on her face told me what she wanted. So I told them to give her a lethal injection and I held her to my heart long after her last breath.
It's difficult to say whether or not you "see" or "feel" anything in those moments of intense grief. But holding that casket on the way to find a proper burial place- it felt as if there was a diffusing warmth. I fought the urge to open the casket to see if perhaps she was still alive. I think that it could very well be psychosomatic, as well as mental rejection of the tragedy that you just witnessed. So I would say that these kinds of experiences, and likely more intense ones, are more than likely the result of our brains processing the shocking reality of ultimate loss.

I do appreciate the replies, but this is why I was asking those who witnessed the death, or deaths to not have emotional attachment to those that they witnessed, do to the emotional attachment and all that comes with it.

I have witness many deaths, all kinds, they were all different, but all the same, in the fact that you knew the person was gone, almost intuitively, when you view the dead, its not just color, temp or facial expression that is different, it is something missing that is not tangible.

 

[Simurgh]

Thank you for sharing that Simurgh.

I have seen this so many times in slower deaths, where you feel that loss, you know intuitivly that that person is no longer there even before the physical body is gone.

It is much harder to see, when it is someone you love because you want them to be there , you dont want them to go.

...but sometimes you need to tell them that it is alright to go, that they can let go of what has become a burden and embrace the nothingness of death.

 

[NobodyYouKnow]

I also observed my grandfather pass away when I was 17. He was in hospital with mesothelioma (he worked in asbestos before all the laws came out).

The last few months of his life was a constant struggle to breathe, dress himself, feed himself, go to the lavatory...even the most simple exertion would leave him gasping for breath and in incredible amounts of pain...I cannot even imagine it.

Two days before he passed on, he said his 'goodbyes' and seemed to be very much at peace with himself and his fate. He was smiling and appeared very serene...I noticed he was also breathing very shallow, but he wasn't gasping for air anymore.

That night, he slipped into a coma and the day after, we received a call from the hospital that grandpa wasn't expected to see the day out or even make it through the next few hours...we rushed to the hospital.

The look on grandpop's face, was just as calm and serene, but I noticed the signs of struggle with death and trying to hang onto life...I watched him lose that fight.

I didn't notice anything supernatural or out of the ordinary. I just saw him go into a very deep sleep that I knew he would never wake up from and at that point, I held his hand, wondering if he knew I was holding it, but it didn't matter.

I wasn't sad or anything and I didn't grieve at all. I was happy that he was no longer suffering and in pain and I had to be there for my mother who was very upset/distressed at the time. I had to be a 'brave girl' and just witnessing death made me that way.

 

[Brickjectivity]

My mom had the slowest of all deaths possible, but there finally came a time when it was obvious that her death was imminent. After twelve years she lay dying with morphine to help her discomfort as we sang hymns which she deliriously tried to sing with us, and she died singing hymns. Her body was completely withered and her face mottled with oxygen depletion. Her mind had betrayed her long ago, but she sang with us in a faded whisper. To me she had been dead for two years, but she was like one of those trick candles that refuse to go out. I believe that we lost her piece by piece rather than at a single moment.

 

[Cardboard]

I also observed my grandfather pass away when I was 17. He was in hospital with mesothelioma (he worked in asbestos before all the laws came out).

The last few months of his life was a constant struggle to breathe, dress himself, feed himself, go to the lavatory...even the most simple exertion would leave him gasping for breath and in incredible amounts of pain...I cannot even imagine it.

Two days before he passed on, he said his 'goodbyes' and seemed to be very much at peace with himself and his fate. He was smiling and appeared very serene...I noticed he was also breathing very shallow, but he wasn't gasping for air anymore.

That night, he slipped into a coma and the day after, we received a call from the hospital that grandpa wasn't expected to see the day out or even make it through the next few hours...we rushed to the hospital.

The look on grandpop's face, was just as calm and serene, but I noticed the signs of struggle with death and trying to hang onto life...I watched him lose that fight.

I didn't notice anything supernatural or out of the ordinary. I just saw him go into a very deep sleep that I knew he would never wake up from and at that point, I held his hand, wondering if he knew I was holding it, but it didn't matter.

I wasn't sad or anything and I didn't grieve at all. I was happy that he was no longer suffering and in pain and I had to be there for my mother who was very upset/distressed at the time. I had to be a 'brave girl' and just witnessing death made me that way.

I have never seen anything supernatural nor out of the ordinary either, But death can be a release, deffinatly a natural part of life.

 

[Cardboard]

To me she had been dead for two years, but she was like one of those trick candles that refuse to go out. I believe that we lost her piece by piece rather than at a single moment.

It is amazing the sheer will of some to keep a hold of life, any life, how tough they are, it makes me think how hard i would fight.

 

[DallasApple]

I do appreciate the replies, but this is why I was asking those who witnessed the death, or deaths to not have emotional attachment to those that they witnessed, do to the emotional attachment and all that comes with it.

You wont find many people then unless they are in the medical field or possibbly combat to answer your question .

 

[DallasApple]

I do appreciate the replies, but this is why I was asking those who witnessed the death, or deaths to not have emotional attachment to those that they witnessed, do to the emotional attachment and all that comes with it.

I have witness many deaths, all kinds, they were all different, but all the same, in the fact that you knew the person was gone, almost intuitively, when you view the dead, its not just color, temp or facial expression that is different, it is something missing that is not tangible.

So are you saying the other stories here including Brick, Simurgh weren't emotionally attached to their loved ones dying?

Why is Core the only one you reminded of what you are "looking for"

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

I've seen enough death online and in "real" life to know that our bodies are just shells.

 

[Brickjectivity]

It is amazing the sheer will of some to keep a hold of life, any life, how tough they are, it makes me think how hard i would fight.

Most people are willing to fight death for the sake of people around themselves rather than for themselves. She wasn't very self-loving, but she had children and believed suicide was a sin. She loved other people. She was also surrounded by people who loved her, fed her and kept her as comfortable as possible.

 

[Penumbra]

What did you see in the persons face as they died?

I saw, for the first time, a combination of pain and unconsciousness. It was eerie seeing someone who was unconscious and yet clearly in pain. Usually a person is either conscious and awake, or unconscious and totally out, like sleeping. But he sort of drifted permanently from barely conscious to shallowly unconscious and unresponsive, similar I guess to how someone might be in REM sleep where they are asleep but may be able to move and stuff. But he was still close enough to the surface of consciousness that although he basically looked asleep and could not be woken up or interacted with, he could grip onto the rails of his bed, furrow his brow, clench his teeth, stiffly roll around a bit, and sweat.

He died soon after I left rather than right in front of me because I was told he probably had days instead of hours, but I saw him when he was conscious for the last time, so last conscious wakeful life.

What, if any feeling did you experience at that time?

Missing him already, feeling relief that years of suffering would end for him, and worry about his level of pain and whether it was being handled properly by physicians, and bringing it to their attention because of the aforementioned signs.

The others around, could you feel there grief?

No, I was the only family member there and other people were nurses and a chaplain who work in a place where people go to die every day, and therefore approach it pretty matter-of-factually. I was like, "Do you think he's in as much pain as he looks?" and the chaplain just stood there and said, "Yeah, he's clearly in pain, you can tell from all of the body language that he is very uncomfortable." and then just kept standing there. (What the heck?!) So I went and tried to get the attention of nurses to understand what was going on with him and to have them see him.

Did you see anything unexplainable?

No.

 

[aiyanct]

Its very hard to see those on box. But first i attended my fiance grandma's(Grace) death body i cant able to see her properly i saw only her hands fingers and legs fingers. Thats it. Was mourned for one week.

 

[Brickjectivity]

But he was still close enough to the surface of consciousness that although he basically looked asleep and could not be woken up or interacted with, he could grip onto the rails of his bed, furrow his brow, clench his teeth, stiffly roll around a bit, and sweat.

I've seen that, too. Someone I knew was hours from death from cancer, but he was thrashing about not just gripping the rails. I wasn't allowed to sit with him through to the end.

 

[Valjean]

I'm a hospital nurse as well, Cardboard, and have seen deaths. Some struggle against it, others are resigned, some just fade away. I can't say I "see" anything particular in these various deaths, though I'm sometimes impressed by an odd stillness to the corpse or in the room.
Perhaps it's just the lack of monitor and vent noises.

Though I don't know these people personally, I still feel a profound grief at their passing.