Where have all the manners gone?

[nonda]

What has happened to make people so rude and inconsiderate of others?

The other day I was in a shopping center with my youngest of three daughter (2 months). I was shopping for shoes, when I walked past a women and her son. Her son i guess was about 10 years of age. The young man was swinging a mop around and knocking things off shelves and trying to hit people. I tried to walk around and found no luck but to walk straight by them. As I proceed to pass them the boy tried to hit my daughter with the mop mind you a 2 month old. I nicely told the young boy not to do so I as I stop the mop from hitting my daughter. The mother of the boy came running over and rudely jerked the chart and gave me a dirtly look. Well, that is when I took the women aside and told her that it was not wise to let her son swing a stick around in a public place possibly hurting himself and others. She told me to mind business, I informed her to get her act together and be a better parent. I walked away with the last word.
What I do not understand , why was she so angry when she was in the wrong?

 

[Sunstone]

What I do not understand , why was she so angry when she was in the wrong?

Nonda, anger has nothing to do with being right or wrong. I used to live with a person who would get angry very easily. She would get angry when she was in the right, and she would also get angry when she was in the wrong. It took me a while to figure it out, because at first I thought she must have a valid reason for getting angry. But she was just an angry person.

 

[michel]

Hi nonda, there is unfortunately nothing new in bad manners. I rmember back to 1987ish - when my wife had a part time job on Saturdays, at a supermarket check-out (while I took over being 'Mum' to our two boys, so that she could have a real change.

A Mum and child came up to the till; the mum put her child on the conveyor belt (Which my wife thought was unhygenic, if nothing else), as she unpacked the food. Mum was busy, not noticing that her little boy was demolishing the sweets stand next to the till, throwing sweets all over the floor. he knew what he was doing, it was just a little tantrum..

Being a Mum herself, Marie said in a reasonably friendly but "I mean it" kind of tone "Hey come on there, young man, that's naughty, someone is going to have to pick all those up now....."

Before she had finished her sentence the Mother had turned around, scowled at my wife saying - "Don't you dare tell my child what to do!!!" - not a word of 'sorry' no picking up of sany of the goods that had been strewn all over the floor - just the abuse for My wife having dared to say something to her child.

 

[kreeden]

All that I can say is that the woman was lucky that it was you Nonda , and not me . If she had reacted that way with me , I would have laid assult charges agaisnt both her and her child .

 

[Melody]

They went the way of two parent families, stay at home moms (or dads) and a belief in old fashioned values of courtesy and respect for self and others.

Someone has to teach them manners and if that *someone* is sole support of the family and too tired to spend much time with their child in the evening...or more intent on having a new car every year, becoming volunteer of the year, etc....who is to teach the child?

 

[kreeden]

...who is to teach the child?

In some cultures , all of soceity . But in this culture , parents DEMAND the right to raise children as they see fit , which I believe they should have the right to , but it doesn't remove our duties and responsibilities . { it is a rather touchy area , but I believe that most often these parents only need a little push .. }

 

[nonda]

I do not believe that childern should be seen and not heard, they are people and they have feelings not unlike adults maybe not as complex but still feelings. But there should be limits to what childern can say and how they should act. I have seen childern yell at their parents in store , restraunts, ect... Parents are to afraid to discipline their childern in public place of fear of someone reporting them.

There is a line between discipline and abuse, just have to never cross it.

I believe that a parent who does not discipline their child (without crossing that line) are not doing their jobs as a parent. Lazy

 

[Pussyfoot Mouse]

I think this is a matter of teaching our children the difference between right and wrong. I mean, common sense would tell this child that what he was doing was clearly wrong. But the way his mother reacted to his actions was obviously the reason the kid just couldn't care less if what he was doing was wrong. I will say this, I was in the grocery store check out with my son, who was at the time about five years old. He wanted a chocolate bar and when I explained that he wasn't well behaved while we were shopping, so he couldn't have one (he was told he could have a treat if he was good). He then started the tantrun and when I told him to stop, he in turn told me I was a terrible Mother. I told him this was not acceptable behaviour and he wouldn't have his audience for long.(He didn't have much to say after that) The woman behind me patted my shoulder and told me that I handled that very well. And as much as her words made me feel like I'd just won a blue ribbon in parenting, I was so embarrassed by his behaviour.

 

[CaptainXeroid]

First, Kudos and Frubals to you for doing the right thing! Not only stopping that brat from possibly hurting someone but also for coaching an idiot parent. Many people wouldn't take the time to say anything.

 

[robtex]

Nonda, anger has nothing to do with being right or wrong. I used to live with a person who would get angry very easily. She would get angry when she was in the right, and she would also get angry when she was in the wrong. It took me a while to figure it out, because at first I thought she must have a valid reason for getting angry. But she was just an angry person.

Great post sunstone!! I can't frubal you till I spread some love.

 

[ch'ang]

I think her anger came from you trying to tell her how to raise her child, she probably knew that she was wrong but was angry at you for basicly telling her ahe was a bad parent

 

[Shadow Wolf]

All that I can say is that the woman was lucky that it was you Nonda , and not me . If she had reacted that way with me , I would have laid assult charges agaisnt both her and her child .

You could also get her for negligence charges. And her child was endangering a 2 month year old. A two month old still has the soft spot on the top of the head, can still suffer shaken baby easily, and a number of other things. There are alot more charges you can easily get her for than just assault. I would be a lawyer, if there wasn't the possibility I might end up trying to help get someone guilty of murder, rape, etc., and actually getting them an innocent verdict. That would tear me up inside.
I have seen my own share of children, teens, and adults with terrible manners. I especially hate it when someone will run thier mouth and wont step up to the plate when challenged. I strongly believe those who can and know it wont brag, but those who want to but can't will brag they can, and will be very annoying about it.
People being disrespectful to others is something I can't stand. I know plenty of times when I was still in high school a student would be in the wrong, and swear up and down he was in the right, and cuss out the teacher because of a difference in opinion. Hating someone you don't agree with, even if it's just because you really shouldn't use a pen in a math class, is just plain dumb.
Letting a small child get its way when it throws a temper really gets me angered. A child that learns it can get its way just by whining won't go to far in life that wont work anymore. People that think its ok to whine about everything and over-exagerate thier problems also irratates me. I remember plenty of students who said they could get homework done because they had a part time job. I consider that to be very rude to make excusses like that. I had a job just a few hours short of being full time, two plays, and two college classes and I always got my homework done. I was really pushing deadlines at times, but I got it turned in on time. Broken bones and illnesses should be the only acceptable excusses for stuff like that. Maybe I'm the only one that thinks whining is rude, maybe im not, but I absolutly hate it.

 

[Bastet]

My older sister and I often wonder at the lack of manners/general respect for other people's property that our little brother and sister show. We were raised by the same parents, but they seem to have gotten soft in their old age.

One of my pet hates is customers not using their manners when I'm at work. A lot of people (children and adults alike) think that just because I work in a fast food restaurant, that I don't deserve the common courtesy and respect that everyone else does. Nothing irritates me more than "Give me" and "I want", without a "please" or "thank you" attached. If I'm feeling particularly annoyed by it, when they have finished their demand, I say "Please..." :sarcastic I don't really mean to do it, it just slips out...but it usually has the desired effect, and they realise how rude they've been. The last person I did that to was a woman in her 30s, but it's mainly kids who are old enough to know better.

 

[Feathers in Hair]

Well put, Bastet! Especially when one works in a customer service field, there's an attitude that seems to take over some people... "This is what I want, and I don't need to be kind or polite in order to get it". There's almost an unwillingness to see the other person as a fellow human. I have a tendancy to take it personally and get saddened, when I shouldn't.

 

[Apotheosis]

I would have to say that manners have gone nowhere, they are still around, just as much as they were 40 years ago. There has always been rude people, and there always will be.

 

[nonda]

I would have to say that manners have gone nowhere, they are still around, just as much as they were 40 years ago. There has always been rude people, and there always will be.

Sorry to say but with thinking like that you comment will stay true. It starts with one person and then spreads .

Yesterday I was shocked, walking through the store a man and his three teenages boys helped me get some items from a high shelf, I sayed thank you and went on . It made me happy and them as well to help!

 

[huajiro]

What has happened to make people so rude and inconsiderate of others?

The other day I was in a shopping center with my youngest of three daughter (2 months). I was shopping for shoes, when I walked past a women and her son. Her son i guess was about 10 years of age. The young man was swinging a mop around and knocking things off shelves and trying to hit people. I tried to walk around and found no luck but to walk straight by them. As I proceed to pass them the boy tried to hit my daughter with the mop mind you a 2 month old. I nicely told the young boy not to do so I as I stop the mop from hitting my daughter. The mother of the boy came running over and rudely jerked the chart and gave me a dirtly look. Well, that is when I took the women aside and told her that it was not wise to let her son swing a stick around in a public place possibly hurting himself and others. She told me to mind business, I informed her to get her act together and be a better parent. I walked away with the last word.
What I do not understand , why was she so angry when she was in the wrong?

I have noticed that there are more and more people who do not take care of their kids and expect the rest of the world to put up with them. My wife and I went to a fruit store the other day and this little girl just pushed through us and didn't say anything. I told her "excuse me"......and she ignored me. A little bit later she barrels through me and my wife stopped her to say that she needs to say "excuse me".

About 5 minutes went by and this lady comes walking up screaming at my wife about how she doesn't need to be telling her daughter what to do. My wife is 7 months pregnant and does not need to be getting worked-up. I told the lady that she has no right to talk to my wife, and she needs to just leave us alone......she kept talking....so I said "bye...bye.....bye". Her husband gave me a dirty look and I stepped towrds him to see what he would do, nothing. They both walked off.

It is amazing how these people think that they have the right to treat the world like crap and have us smile about it.

 

[michel]

Bastet,
If I came in, and you served me, I'd be very courteous! - I like being nice to people anyway- I love the smiles you get back! I have a smile target for each day lol.

Well put, Bastet! Especially when one works in a customer service field, there's an attitude that seems to take over some people... "This is what I want, and I don't need to be kind or polite in order to get it". There's almost an unwillingness to see the other person as a fellow human. I have a tendancy to take it personally and get saddened, when I shouldn't.

When working in the bank, they used to get me to see all the customers with complaints.
I have this very simple outlook on life; when I am working, I am serving the public - I know it, that is what I am there for; if that means I am servile, then, who cares ?

A lot of people who stand behind a counter see each customer as someone who is an instant enemy, because they think the customer sees them as 'servile'; I am convinced of that.

People used to come in, all fired up, thumping their fists on the counter "What the hell is going on in this damn place?? "*thump* *thump* " They would say - then tell me what was wrong - and you could actually feel them preparing to give you verbal abuse if you dared say something stupid like "It's not our fault, it's the computer's fault........."

I'd just look them in the eye, big smile and say "Oh I am sorry, have we made a mistake ?- here show me the mistake, and I'll go and look into it".

Again you could sense all that pent up anger, frustration drain away - their shoulders would lower, and they'd start breathing again....:biglaugh:

From that moment on, I knew I had them - The other bit was "If it is our fault, I am ever so sorry, here let me go and have a look"...

Just for the sake of a smile and a change of posture from defensive to wanting to help worked wonders; never fails. Troule is word hasn't got round, because people treat me like I am nuisance if I go in somewhere with a query - but then I use my smile, make myself out to be 'sorry to bother you with this, but could you possibly.....?"

That works too. I'm lucky!!

 

[Ryan2065]

Sorry nonda, but it was highly impolite for you to tell the woman how to raise her children. You both were in the wrong on this one.

 

[joeboonda]

a lady or genlemen is someone who is simply doing their best to make those around them feel comfortable
manners is simply showing the people around you that you respect them.
quotes from the movie Blast From the Past, good movie, that one.