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Last time I read the dictionary, I thought it was a poem about everything.
I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
Carlin:Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff?
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.
Phillips:By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.
Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.
Kinison:A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Jesus had a tough life. I read about that guy. Jesus is the only guy that ever came back from the dead that didnt scare the **** out of everybody!
We don't WANT to drink and drive ... But there's no other way to get the ******* CAR back to the HOUSE!! How are we supposed to get ******* home??!!
Jeff Dunham, Bill Engval, Larry the Cable Guy, Ron White and Jeff Foxworthy (wasn't on there). The last 4 are part of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour which seems to have me fascinated right now