Why Are You A Virgin?

[Bunyip]

I can't help but think that you are missing out on something truly wonderful - intimacy. Sex is only a small part of that, so I think you should try to explore it more. Being physically intimate with a person you like and who likes you is about as fantastic a feeling as you can have. You can explore physical intimacy and still take your time with your virginity.

 

[Sha'irullah]

Well, I am asexual thus making me a perpetual virgin by default. If I ever lost my virginity it would make me feel dirty to be honest. Almost all notions of sex sound like rape to me and like any sane person I do not wish to be raped. It violates my privacy.

 

[Wirey]

Huh?

That deep. thoughtful, hanging-on-the-edge look. It looks like Heaven. If you don't know what I'm talking about, sorry about your luck.

 

[Kirran]

That deep. thoughtful, hanging-on-the-edge look. It looks like Heaven. If you don't know what I'm talking about, sorry about your luck.

But, pain?

 

[Wirey]

But, pain?

She's not feeling pain, but the look on her face usually looks like pain and concentration and expectation. That look?

Am I really the only one who's ever noticed this?

 

[Kirran]

She's not feeling pain, but the look on her face usually looks like pain and concentration and expectation. That look?

With you.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

Well, I am asexual thus making me a perpetual virgin by default. If I ever lost my virginity it would make me feel dirty to be honest. Almost all notions of sex sound like rape to me and like any sane person I do not wish to be raped. It violates my privacy.

Been reading too much radfem "literature"?

 

[suncowiam]

Sex is great. I remember counting bases in highschool. Ah, that was fun.

Well, do you have a sex drive or not? If you have a sex drive then go for it.

Some people like pain as part of their sex.

 

[Moishe3rd]

Virginity is only important if it is measured against what influences you are surrounded with in This World.
I have known several people in my 61 years who are not particularly interested in sexual experiences or relationships. That is just one more indication that Man is not just another animal. We have the ability to act or not act upon our preferences.
As a child of the 60's, I thought that being obsessed with sex was "normal" and having sex was "supposed to be" a common goal...
After 35 years of marriage, I haven't seen much in the change of that particular moray in society except that my people (Torah observant Jews) are supposed to be controlling their natural impulses and reserving intimacy for marriage.

I would humbly suggest that one keeps their virginity if they have no interest in losing it.
Today's world fosters many ideas that are foolish. Everybody apparently loves the Superbowl, including much of my community. I am less than disinterested in professional sports. Should I be interested just because everyone else is? I don't think so.
Be happy with who you are. Life is beautiful all the time.

 

[ChristineES]

I am an 30 year old extra virgin , meaning i never hold hands , kissed , even dated with someone.I don't think i am special or anything because of this nor i am seeking approval.I just don't feel a need for sexuality and general human relationships.

How about you , why are you a virgin?Or why do you think people prefer virginity?

I am married but, in my experience, sex is dramatically overrated. I am sure you must have friends. If you don't want sex or feel as though you need it, that is your business alone.

 

[bain-druie]

That's true. But so many other concepts are too. Sexual orientation, God (probably), meditation, politics, democracy...

Actually those are all potentially arguable - some animals (penguins, frogs, cats, etc) prefer same-sex mating. As for the higher thought processes or soulish concepts, I'm pretty sure some of them are way ahead of us. They also have demonstrable hierarchies and/or lack thereof, which is pretty much politics without the tailored suits, in essence.

*edit* oopss ... failed to read the entire thread before jumping in. *feeling sheepish*

 

[bain-druie]

Well, now that I HAVE read the whole thread, I'll say what I always seem to say, which is that humans are subjective creatures. Therefore anything in our common experience is still highly individualized, including appetites.

Some people are incredibly passionate about food or wine; their level of expertise in all things culinary is awe-inspiring. I love food and wine, but not like THEY love it.

Sex is pretty much the same as far as varying levels of interest. Some of us really do have little to no appetite for it, and there's nothing whatsoever wrong with that. On the other hand, some of us really do have absolutely VORACIOUS appetite, and there's nothing wrong with that either.

Where I find things to be - not 'wrong', exactly, but more unhealthy - is where guilt is in the mix somehow. For very sexual people, guilt is likely to come into play where our desires outstrip those of our partners, if we are not well-matched in that regard. For asexual people, social pressure can make them feel guilty or 'weird' for their lack of desire. For still other virgins, guilt [or fear thereof] is the *reason* they are virgins, and to me that is not a choice, it's the result of manipulation/ pressure from religion or family or restrictive ideas of morality.

Speaking personally, I prefer not to think overlong on how I lost my virginity, since it was not by choice and I was only 11.

In spite of that traumatic experience, I am sexually almost insatiable, and enjoyed a great sampling before settling down with my husband. In contrast, despite the fact that his appetite matches mine (and sometimes exceeds it), he was extremely conservative in taking lovers before we met. This, I believe, was partly cultural, since he grew up in Japan with relatively strict, Japanese old-fashioned values about sex.

He and I lived very different lives before we met, though we are approximately matched in appetite; neither of us has regrets (and he is a very fast, adept learner, thank the gods ).

However, now that he has a wife, he finds it much more difficult to go without sex than he ever did when abstinence was his norm. On that basis (and similar accounts from others), I do think sexual appetite can lie dormant in submission to the will, only waking on command. (Although you might have to be extremely stubborn for that, judging by my spouse )

To sum up, I think the best answer to the thread title's question is, 'Why not?' Sexual choices - to have, or not to have - require no justification, as long as they are made by consenting adults.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

I first had sex at the age of 21. But all the pleasures and other stuff of sex is lost on me, since as of now I am stuck in a sexual role that I do not find desirable. But even then I found the closeness and intimacy shared by a partner to be a great feeling, even if the sexual feelings aren't that great. Casual sex I do not like as it tends to leave me hurting the morning after (no ejaculation = blue balls), but this may also be due to the fact that even just seeing a glimpse of myself (such as a shadow) performing in a male role is more than enough to put me out of the mood and not wanting to continue.
I wish I could just be normal and not have to deal with all this stuff. I wish I could have sex without the literal images of my roles totally ruining it for me. But I've never had a boyfriend, and trying to work this out with a girlfriend is way beyond my being able to figure out.
My poor social skills also makes trying to find any potential partner, be it a casual sex partner or long term relationship, to be very difficult.

 

[leibowde84]

I am an 30 year old extra virgin , meaning i never hold hands , kissed , even dated with someone.I don't think i am special or anything because of this nor i am seeking approval.I just don't feel a need for sexuality and general human relationships.

How about you , why are you a virgin?Or why do you think people prefer virginity?

When you say these things, are you saying that you don't have sexual attractions to other human beings? Are you forced to go against your impulses on occassion to avoid having sexual encounters?

 

[dave_]

When you say these things, are you saying that you don't have sexual attractions to other human beings? Are you forced to go against your impulses on occassion to avoid having sexual encounters?

I have impulses.Occasionally i watch porn.In the past my impulses were more powerful, i used to try but due to my poor social skills i haven't had many chances.Over time my sexual impulses and need for other people lessened.Now i don't even need human contact, like friends etc.

 

[dave_]

The pills i take (testosterone and aromatase inhibitors) lessened my sexual drive even more.I like it this way.

 

[leibowde84]

The pills i take (testosterone and aromatase inhibitors) lessened my sexual drive even more.I like it this way.

Honestly, buddy, I don't think there is anything wrong with your view. It kind of makes sense to me, and not having to deal with the pressures of dating/relationships would be nice. But, the thing you said about friends kind of disturbs me a bit. I think you should talk to someone about it, because separation of this sort can cause big mental issues down the road. If you need to talk, send me a private message and I'll send you my cell number ... I love meeting new people. I'm in DC, so if you are around here I'd love to meet you in person even. But, no one should be satisfied with being alone. There are some amazing people in this world that are lots of fun ... I even know a few, and I'm sure they would like to get to know you too.

My latest social experiment was joining an astronomy MeetMe group in DC. I thought it was going to be a bunch of nerds with red flashlights, but I met some awesome people who are smarter than I even thought possible. Taking a chance like that might surprise you, but you've got nothing to lose if it doesn't.

Just a thought, no judgment, but hit me up if you would like to talk to a real voice sometime. I've always got time for a good conversation.

 

[dave_]

Honestly, buddy, I don't think there is anything wrong with your view. It kind of makes sense to me, and not having to deal with the pressures of dating/relationships would be nice. But, the thing you said about friends kind of disturbs me a bit. I think you should talk to someone about it, because separation of this sort can cause big mental issues down the road. If you need to talk, send me a private message and I'll send you my cell number ... I love meeting new people. I'm in DC, so if you are around here I'd love to meet you in person even. But, no one should be satisfied with being alone. There are some amazing people in this world that are lots of fun ... I even know a few, and I'm sure they would like to get to know you too.

My latest social experiment was joining an astronomy MeetMe group in DC. I thought it was going to be a bunch of nerds with red flashlights, but I met some awesome people who are smarter than I even thought possible. Taking a chance like that might surprise you, but you've got nothing to lose if it doesn't.

Just a thought, no judgment, but hit me up if you would like to talk to a real voice sometime. I've always got time for a good conversation.

Thank you.I like chatting with people on forums.I have lots of forum memberships.Yes there are great people , i was chatting with some people on skype but i didn't worked.

You can say i am very down the road , it's been like 10 years since i had any close relationship with someone.My only mental problem is anxiety which is caused by fear of people.Not like social phobia i am afraid that people can ruin my life.

 

[leibowde84]

Thank you.I like chatting with people on forums.I have lots of forum memberships.Yes there are great people , i was chatting with some people on skype but i didn't worked.

You can say i am very down the road , it's been like 10 years since i had any close relationship with someone.My only mental problem is anxiety which is caused by fear of people.Not like social phobia i am afraid that people can ruin my life.

Well, kind of hard to disagree with you on that point, but there are plenty of people that can make your life better than you can alone. So, it's worth taking a chance. That's all I'm saying. I suffer with depression and anxiety as well, and you'd be surprised who probably feels the same way that you do.

What area are you in?

 

[dave_]

Well, kind of hard to disagree with you on that point, but there are plenty of people that can make your life better than you can alone. So, it's worth taking a chance. That's all I'm saying. I suffer with depression and anxiety as well, and you'd be surprised who probably feels the same way that you do.

What area are you in?

I don't live in US.