Why Blame???

[The Hammer]

Why is it that many of us always desire to place blame on someone?

"Blame is the act of assigning responsibility but they are not the same thing. In addition to assigning responsibility, blaming is designed to find fault. The prototypical statement of blame is “this is your fault." A fault is a defect. Blaming others is accusing them of being defective, whereas taking responsibility is not a sign of defect, but rather a virtue."

Should we really be calling others 'defective'? Who ultimately gets to decide this?

A Culture Obsessed With Blame

"People do not like to be blamed. It tends to make others feel attacked and is often met with defensiveness. If blamed publicly, they may feel humiliated and lash out or withdraw. This is destructive to relationships and causes alienation rather than unity."

"Healthy individuals accept responsibility for their choices and behaviors... Unhealthy individuals blame others. They resist taking responsibility for their choices and behaviors. In doing so they represent that they do not have control over their lives: others are responsible.

Individuals with an unstable sense of self, such as those that suffer from symptoms of borderline or narcissistic personality disorders, see making an error as a sign of weakness or defect. It is for this reason that they make consistent efforts to shift the blame onto others... taking responsibility for themselves is an admission of a defect or weakness and they are threatened by this."

 

[Twilight Hue]

I'd rather see less blame. Blaming is easy.

More working solutions? That's harder than blame, but better If people cooperate.

 

[dybmh]

Why is it that many of us always desire to place blame on someone?

I'm not saying that blaming is good, especially the way that you're describing it. But, having a common enemy brings people together, even if they are enemies of each other. It think that's where the desire comes from originally. It's group dynamics, and there is a benefit to blaming in the right circumstance.

 

[vulcanlogician]

I'm not saying that blaming is good, especially the way that you're describing it. But, having a common enemy brings people together, even if they are enemies of each other. It think that's where the desire comes from originally. It's group dynamics, and there is a benefit to blaming in the right circumstance.

I agree. There are several fringe benefits to blame (like social cohesion) that motivates the act... it isn't JUST avoiding responsibility, although that is often a prime motivator, especially in personal relationships. But at the societal scale, things get more complicated.

***

The Nazis famously blamed Germany's ills on Jewish citizens, often invoking conspiracy theories to do so. This was a destructive pack of lies, but (interestingly) it did help certain people to become free and motivated. Hitler used this to his advantage to influence the general populous, and it turned out that many Germans (likely because they were impoverished and destitute) found the act of blaming the Jews liberating in some regard.

But not all blame can be boiled down to irresponsibility, social manipulation, or evil. Aren't there instances when blame is justified? Many rape victims confide in their therapists that they "blame themselves" for their being assaulted. Wouldn't the blame lie in the assailant? Is the victim justified in blaming the assailant? Or should the victim of such a crime try their best to refrain from all blaming (whether it is of themselves OR the assailant)?

I don't think the discussion can begin with "blame is bad/responsibility is good." I suppose one could reasonably take the position that blame is never healthy, but most of us think it is justified sometimes (as with the assault victim) and other times not justified (as with scapegoating and the Nazis).

 

[Brickjectivity]

Personality disorders exacerbate this problem, but it is a common problem without them.

This is one of the areas in which our own minds are the least reliable, and we are quick to perceive that anything which goes wrong might have been instigated. This makes it be about us, making us important and in a way loved. A common and embarrassing example is that often people misplace a valued item and then think that it must have been stolen. The unconscious presumption is that the world or other people are obsessed with us, but they are not usually. We misplace things. Another example is when someone else is absent minded in traffic, and we obsess and think they must be jerks.

It goes far beyond lost items, however. People will often blame others for their own mistakes and believe temporarily or permanently that their mistakes are caused by others. Sometimes it amounts to an inability to perceive what has happened. First of all it is a deep seated belief that the world is somehow part of us and is somehow about us. Secondly it is a means of expressing anger and other negative feelings which can be both addictive and cathartic. The feeling of righteous anger can be addictive. Thirdly it avoids painful self discovery. Some thoughts are painful or will lead us towards labor, pain or hard thinking; or it can require us to lose something or give up something, such as a comfortable image of ourselves.

 

[Heyo]

Why is it that many of us always desire to place blame on someone?

"Blame is the act of assigning responsibility but they are not the same thing. In addition to assigning responsibility, blaming is designed to find fault. The prototypical statement of blame is “this is your fault." A fault is a defect. Blaming others is accusing them of being defective, whereas taking responsibility is not a sign of defect, but rather a virtue."

Should we really be calling others 'defective'? Who ultimately gets to decide this?

A Culture Obsessed With Blame

"People do not like to be blamed. It tends to make others feel attacked and is often met with defensiveness. If blamed publicly, they may feel humiliated and lash out or withdraw. This is destructive to relationships and causes alienation rather than unity."

"Healthy individuals accept responsibility for their choices and behaviors... Unhealthy individuals blame others. They resist taking responsibility for their choices and behaviors. In doing so they represent that they do not have control over their lives: others are responsible.

Individuals with an unstable sense of self, such as those that suffer from symptoms of borderline or narcissistic personality disorders, see making an error as a sign of weakness or defect. It is for this reason that they make consistent efforts to shift the blame onto others... taking responsibility for themselves is an admission of a defect or weakness and they are threatened by this."

Not only is blaming other counter productive but feeling blamed is also.
It is important (and not easy to discern) if blame is cast for the purpose of denigrating others (and elevating oneself) or if it is saying "something went wrong and we have to analyze how it went wrong and do it better next time".

 

[Quagmire]

Why is it that many of us always desire to place blame on someone

I don't know.

But I suspect it's your fault.

 

[blü 2]

Why is it that many of us always desire to place blame on someone?

"Blame is the act of assigning responsibility but they are not the same thing. In addition to assigning responsibility, blaming is designed to find fault. The prototypical statement of blame is “this is your fault." A fault is a defect. Blaming others is accusing them of being defective, whereas taking responsibility is not a sign of defect, but rather a virtue."

Should we really be calling others 'defective'? Who ultimately gets to decide this?

A Culture Obsessed With Blame

"People do not like to be blamed. It tends to make others feel attacked and is often met with defensiveness. If blamed publicly, they may feel humiliated and lash out or withdraw. This is destructive to relationships and causes alienation rather than unity."

"Healthy individuals accept responsibility for their choices and behaviors... Unhealthy individuals blame others. They resist taking responsibility for their choices and behaviors. In doing so they represent that they do not have control over their lives: others are responsible.

Individuals with an unstable sense of self, such as those that suffer from symptoms of borderline or narcissistic personality disorders, see making an error as a sign of weakness or defect. It is for this reason that they make consistent efforts to shift the blame onto others... taking responsibility for themselves is an admission of a defect or weakness and they are threatened by this."

This is a sneaky plea for Trump, eh?

Nope, he's at fault and very much to blame.

And nothing borderline about his narcissism, by golly.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

This is a sneaky plea for Trump, eh?

Nope, he's at fault and very much to blame.

And nothing borderline about his narcissism, by golly.

This isn't a political debate or discussion.

 

[mikkel_the_dane]

Why is it that many of us always desire to place blame on someone?

"Blame is the act of assigning responsibility but they are not the same thing. In addition to assigning responsibility, blaming is designed to find fault. The prototypical statement of blame is “this is your fault." A fault is a defect. Blaming others is accusing them of being defective, whereas taking responsibility is not a sign of defect, but rather a virtue."

Should we really be calling others 'defective'? Who ultimately gets to decide this?

A Culture Obsessed With Blame

"People do not like to be blamed. It tends to make others feel attacked and is often met with defensiveness. If blamed publicly, they may feel humiliated and lash out or withdraw. This is destructive to relationships and causes alienation rather than unity."

"Healthy individuals accept responsibility for their choices and behaviors... Unhealthy individuals blame others. They resist taking responsibility for their choices and behaviors. In doing so they represent that they do not have control over their lives: others are responsible.

Individuals with an unstable sense of self, such as those that suffer from symptoms of borderline or narcissistic personality disorders, see making an error as a sign of weakness or defect. It is for this reason that they make consistent efforts to shift the blame onto others... taking responsibility for themselves is an admission of a defect or weakness and they are threatened by this."

It goes deeper than that.
The problem is that for all of these claims below there are no objective evidence.
You are at fault for at fault being bad.
You are responsible for responsible being good.
You are unhealthy for unhealthy being bad.

So that you are not acting responsible and are unhealthy, is a way of saying you are at fault.
The problem is in the end for the individual good, healthy and productive life that doesn't harm others, there is no strong universal objective standard for all variations.
So I can have a good enough, healthy enough and productive enough life that would work for you one to one and so in reverse.

So as a member of the tribe crazy, I get what you are saying, but if you demand I become normal, you would cause me harm.

 

[PureX]

When bad things happen, it's important for us to figure out why, and how, so we can avoid it happening again in the future. Sometimes we are at fault, sometimes others are at fault, but most of the time it's a combination of both. So we need to unravel who is responsible for what part of the bad result.

Once we have done this, we can move on to making the changes necessary to avoid the same thing happening again. But we can only control ourselves. We cannot control the other person. So we need to know what is our own fault, and what is theirs, to correct what can be corrected in ourselves, and to avoid what must be avoided in others.

Our egos, however, want us to place all the blame on others, and accept none for ourselves. So we need to learn to set our egos aside so that we can assess our own faults accurately and mitigate them effectively. And not everyone understands this, or knows how to do it when necessary. Unfortunately.

 

[wellwisher]

Why is it that many of us always desire to place blame on someone?

"Blame is the act of assigning responsibility but they are not the same thing. In addition to assigning responsibility, blaming is designed to find fault. The prototypical statement of blame is “this is your fault." A fault is a defect. Blaming others is accusing them of being defective, whereas taking responsibility is not a sign of defect, but rather a virtue."

Should we really be calling others 'defective'? Who ultimately gets to decide this?

A Culture Obsessed With Blame

"People do not like to be blamed. It tends to make others feel attacked and is often met with defensiveness. If blamed publicly, they may feel humiliated and lash out or withdraw. This is destructive to relationships and causes alienation rather than unity."

"Healthy individuals accept responsibility for their choices and behaviors... Unhealthy individuals blame others. They resist taking responsibility for their choices and behaviors. In doing so they represent that they do not have control over their lives: others are responsible.

Individuals with an unstable sense of self, such as those that suffer from symptoms of borderline or narcissistic personality disorders, see making an error as a sign of weakness or defect. It is for this reason that they make consistent efforts to shift the blame onto others... taking responsibility for themselves is an admission of a defect or weakness and they are threatened by this."

The Durham report shows how the Hillary Clinton campaign blamed former President Trump for Russian Collusion to distract everyone from her illegal e-mail server, that had been used for influence peddling. She destroyed the hard drive in spite of being told by subpoena to present it as evidence; used Bleach Bit software and hammers. Blame is often used by crooked people to take the pressure off themselves. She got away free and the blame game was applied to Trump to avoid justice.

The next question is why did so many people believe her blame scam? Honor among thieves. The Democrats party blames the white Christian male for all the problems of the world, thereby justifying stealing and kick backs, for all their voters, who want a free ride, using some time warped blame game, instead of having to compete in the free market. Even their allies in the press and media went along with the blame game, since they benefitted with more viewership and career boosts; circle of thieves.

I am blaming this circle of thieves, because they have yet to see any justice for all the injustice they did to others; thou shall not bear false witness. The Nazis did same thing to the Jews, and the Democrats took a chapter from their playbook.

What should be the penalty for the circle of thieves, since the logical end to their blame game is not pretty; blame the parents for the manipulation of teachers from the circle of thieves. Attack and blame political opponents who seek justice? Make the justice department an injustice department like their idols the Nazis who justified atrocity with the blame game.

 

[exchemist]

I'd rather see less blame. Blaming is easy.

More working solutions? That's harder than blame, but better If people cooperate.

Presume you won’t be voting for Trump, then.

 

[The Hammer]

The Durham report shows how the Hillary Clinton campaign blamed former President Trump for Russian Collusion to distract everyone from her illegal e-mail server, that had been used for influence peddling. She destroyed the hard drive in spite of being told by subpoena to present it as evidence; used Bleach Bit software and hammers. Blame is often used by crooked people to take the pressure off themselves. She got away free and the blame game was applied to Trump to avoid justice.

This isn't a political discussion, so I stopped reading after the first sentence.

 

[Brickjectivity]

This is not a mod post, but it would probs be considered rude or perhaps trolling to make a thread into a political debate when its about something else such as psychology. Depends of course, but derailing is against a site rule.

Not trying to pick on you all, but seriously this is thin ice.

 

[The Hammer]

Not only is blaming other counter productive but feeling blamed is also.
It is important (and not easy to discern) if blame is cast for the purpose of denigrating others (and elevating oneself) or if it is saying "something went wrong and we have to analyze how it went wrong and do it better next time".

Either way this goes to show that circumstances are typically much more complex than just who's right/wrong.

 

[The Hammer]

I'm not saying that blaming is good, especially the way that you're describing it. But, having a common enemy brings people together, even if they are enemies of each other. It think that's where the desire comes from originally. It's group dynamics, and there is a benefit to blaming in the right circumstance.

Yeah a common enemy or target can unite people. But this is at the expense of rationality and critical thinking.

 

[dybmh]

Yeah a common enemy or target can unite people. But this is at the expense of rationality and critical thinking.

Is it? I agree it can be at the expense of rationality and critical thinking. But if there is a real common enemy, it's rational to team-up against it.

Maybe you're right that critical thinking is set aside for a bit, and maybe that's dangerous. The example I'm thinking of is teaming up with a bunch of theives and not considering, critically, that they would rob me during and after the assault.

What did you have in mind?

 

[Twilight Hue]

I miss the fad with those shirts that says, "The devil made me do it"!

 

[The Hammer]

What did you have in mind?

What I was trying to get at was that when blaming someone, we are ignoring one half of the equation.

As an example: yes, that person murdered that other person, but what are the circumstances, background, life history, etc that lead to that person viewing that (murder) as a viable option.