Why Do All Atheists Hate Puppies And Children?

[Gentoo]

It's not just atheists, I hate dogs and don't like children very much...

 

[Littledragon]

oh no. i drink too much coffee! I am a grouch!
this means... I AM AN ATHEIST!


but i love puppies and children! and children with puppies! and i'm not talking about as menu items either so .... I AM NOT AN ATHEIST!

You love puppies and children and drink coffee so you must be agnostic!:biglaugh:

Littledragon

 

[Kungfuzed]

Why do all atheists hate puppies and children?

I developed alergies towards puppies and children when I became an Atheist. They make my legs go into stomping fits if they get too close.

And, while we're at it, what is it with atheists and sunrises? I mean, how come all those atheist folk hate sunrises? Especially beautiful sunrises?

All the coffee I drink keeps me up so late that I have to sleep in.

Then again, how come all atheists are grouches and drink too much coffee?

Coffee keeps our mind awake so we can continue our exercises in mental masturbation while the theists are dozing off in the pews.

 

[Papersock]

Why do all atheists hate puppies and children?

Atheists are possessed by demons and demons hate all the beautiful things God created.

 

[Nanda]

Why do all atheists hate puppies and children?

Because it's fun and easy!

 

[Booko]

That's because I'd prefer a kitten. Kebob.

As an atheist, I prefered to drink catatonic.

 

[s2a]

Why do all atheists hate puppies and children? And, while we're at it, what is it with atheists and sunrises? I mean, how come all those atheist folk hate sunrises? Especially beautiful sunrises?

Then again, how come all atheists are grouches and drink too much coffee?

Oh, c'mon.

Atheists know well enough that puppies make for a poor brunch entrée; but children, when properly tenderized and seasoned...are quite tasty when grilled over mesquite wood chips.

Atheists are only grouchy when coffee is the lone offered beverage choice after such a meal. Cognac allows the epicurean experience to linger upon the palate...well into the next glorious sunrise...;-)

 

[darkpenguin]

Why do all atheists hate puppies and children? And, while we're at it, what is it with atheists and sunrises? I mean, how come all those atheist folk hate sunrises? Especially beautiful sunrises?

Then again, how come all atheists are grouches and drink too much coffee?

Because they reek of happiness uck!

And we have to drink coffee to keep us awake so we don't fall asleep due to the monotony of us "not having a purpose" uck and so we don't feel uterly useless!

 

[Comprehend]

Why do all atheists hate puppies and children? And, while we're at it, what is it with atheists and sunrises? I mean, how come all those atheist folk hate sunrises? Especially beautiful sunrises?

Then again, how come all atheists are grouches and drink too much coffee?

because all athiests are reminded by looking at these things that there obviously really is a God and that the only reason why they pretend like they don't believe is because they had an unhappy childhood, an abusive father, and never grew out of the oedipus stage.

This is why they are grumpy and medicate themselves with coffee attempting to drown out reality that deep down inside they know when they look at a puppy or a sunrise that it is objective proof that God exists and they are living a lie.

oh wait... this is supposed to be a funny thread?

 

[mr.guy]

...and never grew out of the oedipus stage.

Grow out of my oedipus stage?

Am i to assume that i'm inherently imature until i reconcile my uncontrollable lust for my dead great grandmother?

 

[Scuba Pete]

Why do all atheists hate puppies and children?

I am CERTAIN beyond ANY SHADOW of a doubt, that this is due to their preoccupation with Invisible Pink Unicorns. OK, it's just a guess.