Why do we ask "How are you?"

[fantome profane]

Should we instead ask "why are you?". Or perhaps "what are you?.

 

[We Never Know]

The implication of "Hi how are you?" is that you are a member of the group. You're not a stranger.

I mostly just say "Hi" and leave it at that.

 

[JustGeorge]

Honestly, I'm not looking to have a deep conversation with the clerk at the grocery store, so I at least say: "Ok."
But even if it's someone I know I'm probably going to just tell them about the good parts of my life, not the garbage. Truth is, I don't want people to have to be burdened with caring.

I like caring and being cared about. Some folks do. But it is a burden for others.

To each their own, I guess.

 

[Father Heathen]

Honestly, I'm not looking to have a deep conversation with the clerk at the grocery store, so I at least say: "Ok."
But even if it's someone I know I'm probably going to just tell them about the good parts of my life, not the garbage. Truth is, I don't want people to have to be burdened with caring.

When people ask "How're you doing?", they usually don't have a genuine interest and aren't expecting a response beyond "Good. Yourself?", especially if they don't know you.

 

[Sgt. Pepper]

I like caring and being cared about. Some folks do. But it is a burden for others.

To each their own, I guess.

Me too. I will often ask a person how they're doing when I sense negative vibes from them and their aura has darkened, but I don't make a scene and put the person on the spot. I'll wait until I see the person is off by themselves, away from others. I don't have to know a person to care about them and be concerned for them. My concern for others is oftentimes amplified because I'm an empath.

 

[Wildswanderer]

I like caring and being cared about. Some folks do. But it is a burden for others.

To each their own, I guess.

There's maybe five people in my life I will share my struggles with. I think there's a reason that scripture tells us to guard our heart... some people won't treat it gently or just won't know what to say or how to react. I don't blame them...I probably wouldn't either.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

I was thinking about this while standing in line at the grocery store today... The clerk would ask each person how they were. I was wondering how she would react if I actually told her how I was. We have a pat answer every time anyone asks the question. "Fine." "Good." " Doing well."
Most of the time it's a lie, so why even go there? The person asking the question doesn't really want a truthful answer anyway.
If I say: " life sucks right now and I can hardly get out of bed." How do you think they're going to react? Probably just with a little nervous laugh and ignore the reality.

I feel the same way. I hate it when people ask that. It's just a useless "social nicety". And then they get mad if you don't give the "correct" answer. "You mean you're not great?!"

Now if they do actually mean it, fine, but you can tell when they do and when they don't.

 

[JustGeorge]

There's maybe five people in my life I will share my struggles with. I think there's a reason that scripture tells us to guard our heart... some people won't treat it gently or just won't know what to say or how to react. I don't blame them...I probably wouldn't either.

Five is a fair number.

I don't guard much. Some people don't treat me gently or know how to react. I don't necessarily bombard my information, but if one asks, I answer truthfully. Don't ask, though, I probably won't tell, unless its relevant.

Thankfully, I'm pretty thick skinned and am fairly indifferent to people's reactions to me. You like me, great. You don't, cool. I'll keep my distance. No big deal.

 

[paarsurrey]

But why is it polite to ask a stranger how they are? I don't know you, why should I tell you anything or even be inquisitive towards that person if I'm asking? (To play Loki's advocate)

What if somebody says one " Welcome" and or "Hi" instead, please? Right?

Regards

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

Employees are obviously instructed in mass to ask that to everyone.

Not me. I strive as hard as I can not to talk to the customers or interact with them.

 

[Wildswanderer]

Five is a fair number.

I don't guard much. Some people don't treat me gently or know how to react. I don't necessarily bombard my information, but if one asks, I answer truthfully. Don't ask, though, I probably won't tell, unless its relevant.

Thankfully, I'm pretty thick skinned and am fairly indifferent to people's reactions to me. You like me, great. You don't, cool. I'll keep my distance. No big deal.

I also might have kind of a double standard here, because truthfully I like people who are huggers and touchers, ( not in a creepy way) even though I'm not that at all. Some people can just extrude warmth and love in a very tangible way, which kind of amazes me, as an introvert.
My wife attracts people in a different way. Total strangers will just come up and talk to her, for no particular reason. I find it rather disconcerting but I guess she's the sort of person that people instinctively know is not going to react in a nasty way.

 

[Shaul]

In European countries it isn't, and is taken as an inappropriate inquiry from a stranger. At least according to what I've read.

If it isn't done in Europe that sounds like a good idea to do it. Because America!

 

[Bird123]

I was thinking about this while standing in line at the grocery store today... The clerk would ask each person how they were. I was wondering how she would react if I actually told her how I was. We have a pat answer every time anyone asks the question. "Fine." "Good." " Doing well."
Most of the time it's a lie, so why even go there? The person asking the question doesn't really want a truthful answer anyway.
If I say: " life sucks right now and I can hardly get out of bed." How do you think they're going to react? Probably just with a little nervous laugh and ignore the reality.

Aren't you making assumptions? Speak the Truth. You might just be surprised at the response. The lessons we learn from others can pop up when we least expect it from those we assume have no clue at all.

Might one assume by you not wanting to tell the truth that you do not want the clerk to know?

Maybe the clerk wants you to feel welcome but the same answers make them think you do not want to hear it anyway.

There are so many sides and views to see.

It doesn't matter what everyone else chooses to do. It's what you choose to do that counts. Think up a good response that will engage the clerk to expand the conversation. Since you already know what the question will be, there are no limits to your response.

That's what I see. It's very clear!!

 

[Father Heathen]

I feel the same way. I hate it when people ask that. It's just a useless "social nicety". And then they get mad if you don't give the "correct" answer. "You mean you're not great?!"

Now if they do actually mean it, fine, but you can tell when they do and when they don't.

Usually such interactions go (or should) like this: "How ya doin'?" "Eh, been better." "Ah, sorry to hear that." It's silly if people get offended if you don't pretend to be good.

 

[Father Heathen]

If it isn't done in Europe that sounds like a good idea to do it. Because America!

I prefer that people be polite and friendly rather than sullen and standoffish.

 

[Wildswanderer]

Aren't you making assumptions? Speak the Truth. You might just be surprised at the response. The lessons we learn from others can pop up when we least expect it from those we assume have no clue at all.

Might one assume by you not wanting to tell the truth that you do not want the clerk to know?

Maybe the clerk wants you to feel welcome but the same answers make them think you do not want to hear it anyway.

There are so many sides and views to see.

It doesn't matter what everyone else chooses to do. It's what you choose to do that counts. Think up a good response that will engage the clerk to expand the conversation. Since you already know what the question will be, there are no limits to your response.

That's what I see. It's very clear!!

Well that seems like it would be rude to me... Holding up the line to talk about my troubles. Not happening. I'm an introvert, the last thing I'm going to do is start spilling my guts in line at the grocery store.

 

[SomeRandom]

I was thinking about this while standing in line at the grocery store today... The clerk would ask each person how they were. I was wondering how she would react if I actually told her how I was. We have a pat answer every time anyone asks the question. "Fine." "Good." " Doing well."
Most of the time it's a lie, so why even go there? The person asking the question doesn't really want a truthful answer anyway.
If I say: " life sucks right now and I can hardly get out of bed." How do you think they're going to react? Probably just with a little nervous laugh and ignore the reality.

Lol in Australia the common phrase is “how ya going?”
On my uncles first visits to Aus from Fiji, he thought everyone was being very rude to him.
Apparently he thought everyone he talked to were asking him how he would be going home. Lmao!!!

 

[The Hammer]

https://youtube.com/shorts/zB0jVcN63S8?feature=share