Why Do You Argue?

[!Fluffy!]

People disagree on so many things. Are you an habitual arguer? Do you know someone who is? Why do people argue? I've know elderly people who seem to have BECOME nothing more than an ongoing argument. Their personality has congealed into a mass of contention. They don't even need anyone else in the room to get into an argument.

So, why do people argue? Is it healthy? Toxic? Addictive? Something to avoid? And is there a difference between arguing, and bickering?

 

[Aqualung]

Why do I argue? I have this naive idea that people can actually be convinced by logic. I'm mostly stopped though now that I realise it's just not true.

My brother will argue all the time about anything, even if it means him having to take the weaker position. I don't know why. It's really annoying.

 

[ALifetimeToWaitFor....]

Arguing is a way of expressing your opinions. Conflict is necessary to get to know some. Arguments that escalate are unhealthy, but if you don't argue you aren't talking enough. Its the only way to get someone elses true opinion and the only way to figure out if your right or wrong about your beliefs. Religious or not.

 

[Ozzie]

I've know elderly people who seem to have BECOME nothing more than an ongoing argument. Their personality has congealed into a mass of contention. They don't even need anyone else in the room to get into an argument.

It might take a lifetime of conditioning to reach a personal state described as a mass of contention. I think though it is more an open question than that. Maybe there is some psych research on the subject. There are multiple reasons older people might come across as irrationally argumentative. I know older people who refuse to argue and cut off discussion rather than debate a point simply because they consider it a waste of time.

So, why do people argue? Is it healthy? Toxic? Addictive? Something to avoid? And is there a difference between arguing, and bickering?

Problems would not get resolved without argument. Argument becomes toxic without resolution of the problem.

 

[!Fluffy!]

Why do I argue? I have this naive idea that people can actually be convinced by logic. I'm mostly stopped though now that I realise it's just not true.

My brother will argue all the time about anything, even if it means him having to take the weaker position. I don't know why. It's really annoying.

See, i can relate to everything you said. I don't like to argue much because as you said, logic doesn't convince people - apparently.

And it seems like i'm always running into habitual arguers like your brother (we have several in the immediate family) - who can actually argue opposite sides of the same subject depending on their mood. And then deny it later. And they never listen to a word anyone else says, usually.

So i think they just argue for the sake of arguing. Very annoying.

my husband and i discuss, sometimes disagree, but we don't fight, call names, or do anything to hurt each other. it makes for a happy marriage, but maybe i come to the forums for a good argument? i rarely argue with anyone face to face, i just tend to walk away or change the subject...

 

[!Fluffy!]

I know older people who refuse to argue and cut off discussion rather than debate a point simply because they consider it a waste of time.

i think i am turning into one of those (in person, anyway)...

Problems would not get resolved without argument.

maybe it depends on the subject, but i see more getting resolved through healthy honest discussion.

Argument becomes toxic without resolution of the problem.

i agree.

 

[Willamena]

I agrue because everyone else is wrong. (d'uh!)

 

[!Fluffy!]

lol frubals willemina (even tho you are wrong!)

 

[Ozzie]

i think i am turning into one of those (in person, anyway)...


maybe it depends on the subject, but i see more getting resolved through healthy honest discussion.

Sometimes the behaviour of walking away ticks me off because I like to debate things to come up with creative solutions. I would rather meet someone halfway than not at all.

 

[Aqualung]

And it seems like i'm always running into habitual arguers like your brother (we have several in the immediate family) - who can actually argue opposite sides of the same subject depending on their mood. And then deny it later. And they never listen to a word anyone else says, usually.

YES! Because then you'll be like, "Remember that time you said X? That was dumb." And they'll be like, "Pfff, I didn't say that. I said this." and it's actually the exact opposite of what they said. That's even more annoying that the pointless arguing.

 

[blackout]

Why do you argue?

Usually because of lack of sleep,
lack of peace in my surroundings,
(ie... young children, dissatisfied/worried husband etc)
illness, total prolonged clutter/mess,
or good old PMS.

When I am not in a peaceful rested state physically/spiritually/mentaly,
I'm MUCH more likely to blow stupid stuff out of proportion.
Really I HATE to argue. Disagree fine. Argue, yuck.

 

[Buttercup]

I HATE to argue....so, I rarely let it happen. In real life or online.

 

[mcteethinator]

I won't lie, I enjoy winning debates with people.

In real life though, with bickering, etc... I don't really do it. I'm not a very aggressive person at all.

 

[Diogenes]

Ben Franklin thought it unwise to spend any time in 'vain, ignorant and ill-conceived dispute', so he tried to avoid any conversations that led to it. Of course, he also said that procrastination was the thief of time, early to bed, early to rise, etc. etc. Come to think of it, I never did like Ben much. If he were here now I'd probably try to tear him a new one.

 

[gnomon]

Presenting an argument is healthy. It's also fun.

It also allows us to learn more. How much can we learn about nature, ourselves and each other if everyone refused to argue and just engage in mere polite discussion. I would not wish to live such a life.

We just have to learn to admit when we are wrong and be willing to accept the validity of another person's argument before dismissing their point. In other words, we have to listen as well.

Though I find it fun just to argue a point, even if I don't buy into it, because it reveals to me my own ignorance and knowledge.

 

[Random]

Obviously for the sake of it. Opinions are like a**holes, y'know, everyone's got one. Many people tend to find great gratification in opining on subjects relevant to their own interests, especially those beyond their comprehensive understanding.

 

[Bathsheba]

Not all arguments are the same. Some arguments are healthy, some are not. Healthy arguments don't need to have a resolution IMHO. The word "argument" takes a bad rap because of the preponderance of unhealthy argument and because many associate an argument with fighting. Adults can argue, discuss, debate and converse without being unhealthy, hostile or combative. Some adults just don't like to argue (the good kind) and that is fine.

 

[YmirGF]

Not all arguments are the same. Some arguments are healthy, some are not. Healthy arguments don't need to have a resolution IMHO. The word "argument" takes a bad rap because of the preponderance of unhealthy argument and because many associate an argument with fighting. Adults can argue, discuss, debate and converse without being unhealthy, hostile or combative. Some adults just don't like to argue (the good kind) and that is fine.

I agree BathingSheba. I don't know how many times I have grumbled over the years, "I don't believe I am arguing with someone over this incredibly petty thing!" There are times though when others try to exert their influence over you and you are forced to take a stand. That kind of argument can be a bit dangerous but if handled adroitly can be very positive. The other issue is if the other person(s) in the conversation are not being logical or reasonable then it is usually best to terminate the discussion as that is a waste of your time and a quite unnecessary stressor. If however, those you argue with are making their own good points and listen to what you are saying, even a heated disagreement can be very productive.

I learned a little gem of a rule many years ago. It is so simple that it is mind-boggling. The gem is the simple fact that most people do NOT like confrontation and will usually try to wiggle out of responding to confrontation. Anyone who practices the art of confrontation will tell you that knowing this small detail gives the aggressor a "leg up" right from the get go. The key is not to get emotional and worked up. Be diplomatic, but firm. LISTEN to what the other person says and “mirror back” to them what they are telling you. (People hate that as a rule, lol.) Stay on point and think about what you want to say and then say it. Nail OR support any of their observations quickly. Also, do NOT lie, but by the same token that does not mean you have to tell the complete unvarnished truth.

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Although, like !Fluffy!, if I detect too man holes in someone's thinking I will resist the desire to pick them up on it as it is unlikely that they will actually listen, likewise if they are unnecessarily emotional. Trust me, I rather like confrontation as it tends to clear the air by cutting through a lot of interpersonal crap as you get down to basics.

PS: If you are not an especially quick thinking, this is not a wise thing to try with others. If you think very quickly on your toes, have a field day. The world is your oyster. :drool:

 

[Terrywoodenpic]

I am too pig headed to argue...
I state my case and leave it at that.
I have never known any one win an argument... the other side just wearies of it.
Debate on the other hand can be both useful and fun.