TerranIV
Infidel
A Mormon missionary, huh? That's two Mormon missionaries turned atheist we have on the forum. So when did you decide there wasn't really a God, Terran -- before your mission, during your mission, or after your mission? Whenever... It doesn't matter. I'm just curious. By the way, "fundy" isn't really a new phrase and I'm definitely not a kid! Anyway, welcome to RF!
Not sure how my question is just for "fundy" christians or how I'm a "fundy" atheist but good to know. (Maybe because I have a question someone else asked already?)
I was a Christian apologist for most of my teenage years and through my mission. I felt that there was an answer for every theological "hole" in the bible. I could find logical or spiritual answers for any question thrown at me. Then after I got home I started to realize the people at church who "knew" the church was true really didn't know much about the bible at all or the history of religion in general. They just came to church, listened to the lessons, and nodded their heads in agreement.
I came to realize all the answers I had come up with for "problems" in Christianity and the Bible were really only my answers. The church and Christianity in general really had no understanding of the problems and didn't have answers either - even for easy ones like "Why is the book of Genesis nothing like what we now know to be true about how planets form?" The obvious answer COULD be "Well, if you look at Genisis from the perspective of someone standing on the earth and witnessing the creation in fast motion then it would look exactly like what we know about how planets form." Instead they would be like, "Well, just take it on faith."
I guess I kind of got sick and tired of finding excuses for God. I came to the point where I was like, "You know, if there really is a God, and religion knows all about him, then I shouldn't have to come up with all these excuses for stupid things religion says about the universe and people in general."
I said one final prayer letting "god" know I couldn't continue to make up excuses and bet my whole life on a devotion to religion and idea of god with so little proof or promise. I had been a very devoted christian and I was still very depressed and my family had gone through some very hard times. None of the promises about listening to my prayers had been fullfilled and I couldn't continue to sacrifice my time and energy and love to a god who obviously wasn't there. I let him know I was opened to any real signs he would like to send my way, but that if he really is as merciful and all knowing as he is advertized to be he would understand how I felt and why I couldn't go on believing in bible based religions and promise-breaking gods.
If there is a god and he/she/it really is all powerful and all knowing they will know I tried by best. If there is no god, then much of my religious life (not all) was a waste of time. If the god of the bible is true, then I expect to see some sort of sign or evidence of his powers and promises before I will ever entertain the idea of believing in him. If the deists are right, I don't see a reason why such a god would need me or anyone else to believe in him/her/it when it doesn't have any interaction with our world. If there is another sort of god out there I have a similar requirement of a reason to belive. Science has provided ample reasons to believe in a universe which operates perfectly fine with no god at all.
If someday god decides to stop hidding itself from us, I will be first in line to kiss his feet.
Sorry for getting so personal here. I guess that is the beauty of online anonymity.