Why don’t men want to get married?

[Trailblazer]

I don’t know about younger men, but from looking at profiles of older men (age 60-75) on dating sites it seems like very few older men want to get married. They want a long-term relationship or casual intimacy with a woman. Why is that? I surmise it is because most men in this age bracket are divorced and they did not have a good marriage so they don’t want to remarry. However, a fair number of men in this age bracket are widowed and did have a good marriage.

Some men want to remarry, especially widowed men who were married a long time and had a good marriage, but it seems like most older men prefer a long-term relationship or casual intimacy to marriage. Why is that? Are they afraid if they get married their wife would tell them what to do? Are they afraid that they would have to share their financial assets with the woman they marry?

If I got married again, I would never tell a man what to do and I would never expect him to share his financial assets with me. I would expect any man I marry to keep his financial assets separate from mine, and he would be free to do anything he wants to do, except have sex with other women. In fact, I would want him to do what he enjoys doing, since I would want him to be happy. Watch all the football you want to, go fishing, play cards with your buddies, go traveling, that would not bother me at all. Am I the exception?

People are going to make decisions based upon their past life experiences, that is unavoidable. I was widowed after being married for 37 years, and even though my marriage was not ideal, I still believe that marriage is preferable to being single. I also do not believe in ‘living together’ or having sex out of wedlock, so that puts me in a rather awkward position for dating, since this is the socially acceptable norm.

 

[It Aint Necessarily So]

I also do not believe in ‘living together’ or having sex out of wedlock, so that puts me in a rather awkward position for dating, since this is the socially acceptable norm.

Yes, that limits your options.

it seems like most older men prefer a long-term relationship or casual intimacy to marriage. Why is that? Are they afraid if they get married their wife would tell them what to do? Are they afraid that they would have to share their financial assets with the woman they marry?

I'm happily married 32 years, but if I outlive my wife, I will remain unmarried. Why would I want to marry again? As a humanist, cohabitating and extramarital sex are options, so why wouldn't I prefer exercising them over getting married in my golden years? What legitimate reason would a potential wife have for insisting we marry? If she's religious, we're not compatible. If she says she needs the security or validation of marriage, well, that's a bit of a problem as well.

I gave you an opinion a few days ago that you didn't like. I apologize if it offended you, but it was mostly about the predators out there who are only looking for somebody's money. I would also be their target. That doesn't mean that every woman that showed interest in me wants my money, but it does mean that every predator that knows I have money and am single will want access to it, and it can be very difficult to tell them apart before marriage. Why risk guessing wrong? In answer to your question, I don't mind sharing what I have, but I want full control over when and how much.

I've watched a few hundred true crime stories. Some pretty bad things happen to some people following late marriages. Murder, of course, often for the life insurance and to gain full control over the estate, but also some other pretty unpleasant outcomes, like these women moving their actual boyfriend or family in, or an unsuspected gambling or drug problem finally becoming evident. I would prefer the flexibility of being unmarried.

I still believe that marriage is preferable to being single.

In the generative years - young adulthood to retirement - when one is working and raising a family, there is a strong argument for marriage, and a happy marriage was better for me and my wife than being single. However, I was unhappily married before that, and that is worse than being single.

But I'm now in my leisure years, and being married offers no advantages as alluded to above. I doubt that I'd even let anybody move in with me. Spend the night or the week if you like, but maintain your own residence.

And if that's not acceptable, fine. We wouldn't belong together anyway.

Incidentally, that first wife never loved me. She told me that she needed to be married because it was demeaning to her to be the girlfriend, so we married. We lasted three years, and she took half my house. She could have had more if she could have continued feigning love. I didn't really understand that that was the plan all along until I was quite a bit older. And it happened again on a smaller scale with girlfriend between wives. She batted her eyes, invited herself over to my hot tub, and got some new breasts before I discovered that her real guy was a cop living in another city. My point is that I know that I can be deceived, so why risk it for nothing in return?

You asked.

Incidentally, as you know I live an expat community of mostly retirees like myself. The women are mostly alone, and many have told me that they don't want a man in their lives except perhaps for household repairs and protection, or maybe as company on a cruise. They don't like or trust men (that was an eye opener - I had no idea how many really dislike men, and I guess I don't blame them). They are financially and psychologically independent, and don't want anybody telling THEM what to do. The phrase I hear is that these guys are just looking for a purse and a nurse, and they don't want to be either.

 

[Alien826]

I don’t know about younger men, but from looking at profiles of older men (age 60-75) on dating sites it seems like very few older men want to get married. They want a long-term relationship or casual intimacy with a woman. Why is that? I surmise it is because most men in this age bracket are divorced and they did not have a good marriage so they don’t want to remarry. However, a fair number of men in this age bracket are widowed and did have a good marriage.

In my case, it was that, after two divorces, I vowed never to put my property in the hands of a judge again. My partner and I have been living together for 13 years now, and I have to say that has proved to be the only benefit compared to legal marriage.

Some men want to remarry, especially widowed men who were married a long time and had a good marriage, but it seems like most older men prefer a long-term relationship or casual intimacy to marriage. Why is that? Are they afraid if they get married their wife would tell them what to do? Are they afraid that they would have to share their financial assets with the woman they marry?

I'd say yes, and yes.

If I got married again, I would never tell a man what to do and I would never expect him to share his financial assets with me. I would expect any man I marry to keep his financial assets separate from mine, and he would be free to do anything he wants to do, except have sex with other women. In fact, I would want him to do what he enjoys doing, since I would want him to be happy. Watch all the football you want to, go fishing, play cards with your buddies, go traveling, that would not bother me at all. Am I the exception?

Where were you when I was free?

But yes, I'd say you are very much the exception. Women in general seem to be bossy by nature. That is a huge problem for someone like me, who doesn't want either to boss others or be bossed. If they see money they want to spend it and as the "better off" partner I get constant requests to buy this and that, which I resist.

A question, as it seems that women in a settled relationship tend to "go off" sex over the years, and I very much haven't, why is it a given that I can't have sex with other women? I don't because it would end the relationship and there's a lot of good left. But why not? Are you familiar with the story of the dog in the manger? The dog is sleeping on the cow's hay, which he can't eat but he isn't prepared to let the cow get to it. To return to sex as the subject, if she doesn't want it, why does that give her the right to stop me having it? I'd appreciate a female perspective if you don't consider it to be too personal a question.

 

[Kenny]

I don’t know about younger men, but from looking at profiles of older men (age 60-75) on dating sites it seems like very few older men want to get married. They want a long-term relationship or casual intimacy with a woman. Why is that? I surmise it is because most men in this age bracket are divorced and they did not have a good marriage so they don’t want to remarry. However, a fair number of men in this age bracket are widowed and did have a good marriage.

Some men want to remarry, especially widowed men who were married a long time and had a good marriage, but it seems like most older men prefer a long-term relationship or casual intimacy to marriage. Why is that? Are they afraid if they get married their wife would tell them what to do? Are they afraid that they would have to share their financial assets with the woman they marry?

If I got married again, I would never tell a man what to do and I would never expect him to share his financial assets with me. I would expect any man I marry to keep his financial assets separate from mine, and he would be free to do anything he wants to do, except have sex with other women. In fact, I would want him to do what he enjoys doing, since I would want him to be happy. Watch all the football you want to, go fishing, play cards with your buddies, go traveling, that would not bother me at all. Am I the exception?

People are going to make decisions based upon their past life experiences, that is unavoidable. I was widowed after being married for 37 years, and even though my marriage was not ideal, I still believe that marriage is preferable to being single. I also do not believe in ‘living together’ or having sex out of wedlock, so that puts me in a rather awkward position for dating, since this is the socially acceptable norm.

We are going on 48 years. I'm not expecting to leave any time soon and neither is my wife

On a purely hypothetical basis... I would

 

[PureX]

I don’t know about younger men, but from looking at profiles of older men (age 60-75) on dating sites it seems like very few older men want to get married. They want a long-term relationship or casual intimacy with a woman. Why is that? I surmise it is because most men in this age bracket are divorced and they did not have a good marriage so they don’t want to remarry. However, a fair number of men in this age bracket are widowed and did have a good marriage.

Some men want to remarry, especially widowed men who were married a long time and had a good marriage, but it seems like most older men prefer a long-term relationship or casual intimacy to marriage. Why is that? Are they afraid if they get married their wife would tell them what to do? Are they afraid that they would have to share their financial assets with the woman they marry?

You may have answered your own question. Some of them had unpleasant marriages and don't want that to happen again. While others had good experiences and don't feel they can achieve that, again. But I'd add another reason, and that is that as we get older, we tend to become more set in our ways and habits, and less willing or able to accommodate the unique habits and needs of others. Life seems to progress according to a common pattern of emotional maturation to help us open our lives up to others; through dating, then jobs, then marriage, then community, and finally children. But at some point as we get older, that begins to reverse itself and we need to concentrate more and more on taking care of ourselves, because we need to be somewhat more careful in that regard.

If I got married again, I would never tell a man what to do and I would never expect him to share his financial assets with me. I would expect any man I marry to keep his financial assets separate from mine, and he would be free to do anything he wants to do, except have sex with other women. In fact, I would want him to do what he enjoys doing, since I would want him to be happy. Watch all the football you want to, go fishing, play cards with your buddies, go traveling, that would not bother me at all. Am I the exception?

Yes. I would say that's somewhat unusual. Or would be perceived as unusual by most men. As to a division of assets, I think that's more of an individual thing. I know men and women to whom that issue would be very important, while I know others to whom it's not important at all, but perhaps ought to be.

People are going to make decisions based upon their past life experiences, that is unavoidable. I was widowed after being married for 37 years, and even though my marriage was not ideal, I still believe that marriage is preferable to being single. I also do not believe in ‘living together’ or having sex out of wedlock, so that puts me in a rather awkward position for dating, since this is the socially acceptable norm.

Dating wasn't easy even when we were young, pretty, and full of beans. And it's not likely to get any easier now. It was a tall task even in the best of times if you were looking for the real thing. And maybe that's why older folks are less inclined to take on such a task.

I'm a 65 year old male with no interest in marriage, just as you describe. At my age, economic and energy level, I find that life works best when I keep it simple. And I'm wise enough to be able to find plenty of joy and gratitude and purpose in what I have. But then I've been at it for a long time. So it's not like I feel I'm missing something.

 

[exchemist]

I don’t know about younger men, but from looking at profiles of older men (age 60-75) on dating sites it seems like very few older men want to get married. They want a long-term relationship or casual intimacy with a woman. Why is that? I surmise it is because most men in this age bracket are divorced and they did not have a good marriage so they don’t want to remarry. However, a fair number of men in this age bracket are widowed and did have a good marriage.

Some men want to remarry, especially widowed men who were married a long time and had a good marriage, but it seems like most older men prefer a long-term relationship or casual intimacy to marriage. Why is that? Are they afraid if they get married their wife would tell them what to do? Are they afraid that they would have to share their financial assets with the woman they marry?

If I got married again, I would never tell a man what to do and I would never expect him to share his financial assets with me. I would expect any man I marry to keep his financial assets separate from mine, and he would be free to do anything he wants to do, except have sex with other women. In fact, I would want him to do what he enjoys doing, since I would want him to be happy. Watch all the football you want to, go fishing, play cards with your buddies, go traveling, that would not bother me at all. Am I the exception?

People are going to make decisions based upon their past life experiences, that is unavoidable. I was widowed after being married for 37 years, and even though my marriage was not ideal, I still believe that marriage is preferable to being single. I also do not believe in ‘living together’ or having sex out of wedlock, so that puts me in a rather awkward position for dating, since this is the socially acceptable norm.

Well, it's interesting. As you know, I am a widower almost the same age as you. And I would not want to marry a second time either. The chief reason is it would be hard to find a woman who would inspire me the way my wife did at the time we married. I have less energy now and the effort involved in sustaining a marriage feels as if it is beyond me. I suppose if a really exciting woman showed up who I wanted to give everything to, the way I did before, I would feel differently, but since I am less easily inspired now, the chances of that seem vanishingly remote.

I certainly wouldn't want to marry again just for the sake of companionship in the house. There are women around who I could make a pitch for sexually - one of them 20 years younger - but I don't want to risk spoiling good friendships by trying it. I've a feeling sex is like rowing: I used to be good at it, for about 30 years, and if you put me in a racing single today I expect the technique would come back enough for a competent paddle, but no more than that. My back might give out. Or my knees, or my heart. Best with these things to quit while you are ahead and not embarrass yourself for trying when you are past it.

From time to time I find myself feeling it would be nice to have someone else in the house, but when I remind myself what that would involve, I realise I could not do it. So for me it's just friendships now.

 

[Trailblazer]

On a purely hypothetical basis... I would

On a purely hypothetical basis... you would do what?

 

[Vinayaka]

I wouldn't remarry or date or try. Not necessary or even desirable for me.

 

[Brickjectivity]

I found this Pew report that says in USA as of year 2013 four in ten divorced and widowed remarry, and men are more likely than women. Good financial strength is important and affects this. Poor people are much less likely to remarry.

Four-in-Ten Couples are Saying “I Do,” Again

 

[Trailblazer]

I gave you an opinion a few days ago that you didn't like. I apologize if it offended you, but it was mostly about the predators out there who are only looking for somebody's money. I would also be their target. That doesn't mean that every woman that showed interest in me wants my money, but it does mean that every predator that knows I have money and am single will want access to it, and it can be very difficult to tell them apart before marriage. Why risk guessing wrong? In answer to your question, I don't mind sharing what I have, but I want full control over when and how much.

Who said I didn’t like your opinion? I did not have any problem with your opinion.

People who are only looking for someone’s money are not by definition predators, they are con men, or con women.

Sure, every con man that knows I have money and am single will want access to it, but that doesn't mean that every man that shows interest in me is a con man who wants my money. Firstly, how would a man on a dating site know I have money unless I told him? Secondly, what percentage of men on dating sites do you think are predators? Every con man I have thus far encountered had a fake profile, meaning there was no such person, and I know that because I am a member of BeenVerified so I checked them out by the phone number or/and the e-mail address they were using.

Not everyone who has a fake profile is a con man, but people who are real people do not have a fake profile. You are good at math so you can do the math.

What percentage of dating profiles are fake?

There are estimates that as many as 10% of dating profiles on some sites are fake. That means that for every 10 people you see on a dating site, one of them is likely not even a real person. Jul 4, 2022
Welcome to the Age of Fake Dating Profiles - Besedo

How stupid do these men think I am? Admittedly, I was stupid when I first joined the Baha’i dating site, but who would ever think that a man pretending to be a Baha’i would go on a Baha’i dating site? He even slipped past the profile managers for a long time. As soon as he asked me for money I knew something was amiss but by then he had me where he wanted me and by then I did not want to think he was a con man, and I really didn’t know. I just thought he was a man with bad manners and poor personal boundaries. Even the other people I told did not think he was a con man just because he asked me for a loan. Later of course I figured it out, after I called the national Baha’i locator service and I e-mailed the dating site profile manager.

No, I don’t think it would be difficult to tell them apart before marrying them. Baha’is are enjoined to become thoroughly acquainted with the character of a person before they marry that person. One cannot really fake their character, there are too many telltale signs and ways to check out their character with other people.

I've watched a few hundred true crime stories. Some pretty bad things happen to some people following late marriages. Murder, of course, often for the life insurance and to gain full control over the estate, but also some other pretty unpleasant outcomes, like these women moving their actual boyfriend or family in, or an unsuspected gambling or drug problem finally becoming evident. I would prefer the flexibility of being unmarried.

I know all about that since I watch those programs constantly. Crime and law are passions of mine, more so than religion. In fact, true crime stories are all I watch on TV, although I also like Law & Order and Monk.

It is hard to believe how stupid some of those women and men are, to not know who they are marrying. Of course, this can be attributed to sexual attraction and romantic love, which blinds a person to reality.

In the generative years - young adulthood to retirement - when one is working and raising a family, there is a strong argument for marriage, and a happy marriage was better for me and my wife than being single. However, I was unhappily married before that, and that is worse than being single.

I agree that being single is much better than being unhappily married. That is a given.

But I'm now in my leisure years, and being married offers no advantages as alluded to above. I doubt that I'd even let anybody move in with me. Spend the night or the week if you like, but maintain your own residence.

And if that's not acceptable, fine. We wouldn't belong together anyway.

To each his or her own. We all have different values and beliefs and differences should be respected. If a man does not want to get married then he is not the right man for me. The reason a good dating site has a lot of categories of what people are looking for in a relationship is people can see what that person is looking for and not bother responding if what they want is not a match. Unfortunately, all of the dating sites don’t have categories of what people are looking for or screening questions so all you see is a few things about the person and their photo.

I joined the Spiritual Singles hoping to find spiritual men, but so far that is not what I have found. Members can list their spiritual beliefs, such as atheist, agnostic, religious, or a specific religion, or a personal spiritual belief, but what men consider important is not really related to their belief or non-belief. You have to look at other things in their profile to know more about that.

That dating site has categories for relationship seeking including categories such as Marriage, Long Term Relationship (LTR), Tantric Partner, Friends, Travel Companion, Just Curious, and Pen Pals and members can list any or all of these. I listed only Marriage, so no wonder I have not had many men contact me. I have not seen any profiles that list only Marriage, but I cannot be less than honest. I don’t want a LTR unless it is going to lead to marriage. There are a lot of screening questions on the site and it took me over four hours to answer all of them. Many of them are about sex and I have to say I was sickened by some of the questions. Spiritual Singles? I think they should rename it Sexual Singles. It is a good thing there is an option to hide your answers so nobody can see them, but if a man did not hide his answers, I can see them and move along the road.

Incidentally, that first wife never loved me. She told me that she needed to be married because it was demeaning to her to be the girlfriend, so we married. We lasted three years, and she took half my house. She could have had more if she could have continued feigning love. I didn't really understand that that was the plan all along until I was quite a bit older. And it happened again on a smaller scale with girlfriend between wives. She batted her eyes, invited herself over to my hot tub, and got some new breasts before I discovered that her real guy was a cop living in another city. My point is that I know that I can be deceived, so why risk it for nothing in return?

Like I said, love can be blind, especially when there is sex before marriage. It is no wonder you would not be in a hurry to get married again if you were widowed. I did not have a bad experience with marriage so that is why I am not reticent to remarry. I am glad you finally found a match that has withstood the test of time. My parents only married once and that lasted 28 years till my father died at age 52, so that was my role model. My late husband’s father got divorced twice before he met the right woman and that lasted for about 40 years, till he died.

Incidentally, as you know I live an expat community of mostly retirees like myself. The women are mostly alone, and many have told me that they don't want a man in their lives except perhaps for household repairs and protection, or maybe as company on a cruise. They don't like or trust men (that was an eye opener - I had no idea how many really dislike men, and I guess I don't blame them). They are financially and psychologically independent, and don't want anybody telling THEM what to do. The phrase I hear is that these guys are just looking for a purse and a nurse, and they don't want to be either.

Like I said in my OP, people are going to make decisions based upon their past life experiences, that is unavoidable. Although I had some difficulties in the last half of my marriage, overall, it was a positive experience, and since I had no other relationships before I got married, I did not have any bad experiences with men. That is perhaps why I am overly optimistic that I will find another man to marry

I am financially and psychologically independent, and I do not need a man for household repairs or protection because I don’t need protection where I live and I can hire out household repairs. What I want a man for is companionship and emotional support and I want a spiritual help-mate. I don’t want sex, but if the man I love wants sex he can have it, because I understand that most men want sex if they are still able to have it. I might even like it, who knows? I would be open to the possibilities if I knew he is the right man for me.

 

[Shaul]

Simply put, many men have done the calculus and concluded that the pros are outweighed by the cons, actual and potential. Getting married exposes a man to many potential downsides, some of them quite costly. Older men may be especially cautious since they cannot replace a potential financial setback. Many men have concluded, "Why bother? It isn't worth it."

 

[lewisnotmiller]

Why is that? Are they afraid if they get married their wife would tell them what to do? Are they afraid that they would have to share their financial assets with the woman they marry?

Yup.

 

[Trailblazer]

Where were you when I was free?

I was probably married.

But yes, I'd say you are very much the exception. Women in general seem to be bossy by nature. That is a huge problem for someone like me, who doesn't want either to boss others or be bossed. If they see money they want to spend it and as the "better off" partner I get constant requests to buy this and that, which I resist.

When I first got married I was very bossy and controlling my husband and I did not want him to go to any Baha’i activities because I was jealous of the Baha’i Faith, but shortly after we got married I started going to counseling and 12 step programs and worked on my issues which were carried over from my childhood of emotional abandonment. As a consequence, I learned why I had been a controller and went in the opposite direction, not wanting to control anyone.

I was the primary breadwinner and I managed all the money. He wanted nothing to do with money because he trusted me and he did not want things he did not need because he was not materialistic. I never wanted things I did not need either so money was never an issue in our marriage. Even when money was tight we managed to make do and we never once fought over money. I realize this is not the norm but this was my personal experience.

A question, as it seems that women in a settled relationship tend to "go off" sex over the years, and I very much haven't, why is it a given that I can't have sex with other women? I don't because it would end the relationship and there's a lot of good left. But why not?

You just answered your own question. You could have sex with other women but you don’t because it would end the relationship and you don’t want it to end because there's a lot of good left. Apparently, your relationship is more important to you than sex.

Are you familiar with the story of the dog in the manger? The dog is sleeping on the cow's hay, which he can't eat but he isn't prepared to let the cow get to it. To return to sex as the subject, if she doesn't want it, why does that give her the right to stop me having it? I'd appreciate a female perspective if you don't consider it to be too personal a question.

If you are not married and she doesn’t want sex, I don’t think she has the right to tell you not to have sex with another woman, unless you had a prior agreement that you never would. That is one advantage of not being married, not being committed to one woman. Of course that would not stop her from protesting or leaving you if you had sex with another woman.

 

[Subduction Zone]

That is a big commitment at that age. Monetarily they may think that they have a lot to lose and little to gain. There will not be any children. We hope (eew!! old babies!!). Many older men are thinking of passing on what they have to their kids.

So you are in a bit of Catch 22. The men that you probably want, successful men, will not want to risk that success on a late life wedding. Perhaps if you made it clear that you were open to a pre-nup and had your own wealth that you wanted to protect too you might find some takers.

 

[Truthseeker]

When I first got married I was very bossy and controlling my husband and I did not want him to go to any Baha’i activities because I was jealous of the Baha’i Faith, but shortly after we got married I started going to counseling and 12 step programs and worked on my issues which were carried over from my childhood of emotional abandonment. As a consequence, I learned why I had been a controller and went in the opposite direction, not wanting to control anyone.

Wow! I didn't know that about you. That's very impressive how you improved yourself.

 

[Truthseeker]

I did not have a bad experience with marriage so that is why I am not reticent to remarry.

What?

Although I had some difficulties in the last half of my marriage, overall, it was a positive experience

Okay, that explains it.

 

[lewisnotmiller]

There will not be any children. We hope (eew!! old babies!!).

Errr...how old is old in this context.
Asking for a friend...ahem...

 

[Subduction Zone]

What?

Okay, that explains it.

Let's remove the double negatives. Roughly, and I could be wrong:

"I had a good experience with marriage, so that is why I am eager to remarry."

At least that is how I read it.

 

[Trailblazer]

You may have answered your own question. Some of them had unpleasant marriages and don't want that to happen again. While others had good experiences and don't feel they can achieve that, again.

Maybe that’s true. A widower might think he could never find another woman like the one he loved, especially if he was happily married for a long time. However, I have seen quite a few widowed men on dating sites who lived alone for quite a while and now they are looking to remarry and have the same happiness they once had.

But I'd add another reason, and that is that as we get older, we tend to become more set in our ways and habits, and less willing or able to accommodate the unique habits and needs of others. Life seems to progress according to a common pattern of emotional maturation to help us open our lives up to others; through dating, then jobs, then marriage, then community, and finally children. But at some point as we get older, that begins to reverse itself and we need to concentrate more and more on taking care of ourselves, because we need to be somewhat more careful in that regard.

I never thought of that being the reason that men don’t want to remarry when they are older but it makes sense, because I feel the same way. I am set in y ways and I don’t want to change my habits and ways of living and I do not want to move from the house I am living in. I am also unwilling to give up any of my cats. That limits the playing field quite a bit because most men are not cat lovers and even if they are eight cats is a bit much for most men. A man would have to have true love for me or for cats and the chances of finding that are very slim.

Yes. I would say that's somewhat unusual. Or would be perceived as unusual by most men. As to a division of assets, I think that's more of an individual thing. I know men and women to whom that issue would be very important, while I know others to whom it's not important at all, but perhaps ought to be.

I guess I am kind of unusual, but that is because that is the way my marriage was. It was live and let live, him doing what he wanted and me doing likewise. In the beginning we did things together, like going on vacations and eating out and going to the movies, but for the second half of the marriage we lived separate lives in the same house, like two ships passing in the night. However, if I needed something he was there, and vice versa. We both loved the cats and we were both serious Baha’is and those two things kept us together through the tough times.

I cannot convince men that I am ‘live and let live’ if I never even make a connection with a man in order to explain that and have him believe I am being honest. Regarding the financial assets, it only makes sense that they should be kept separate, since they were earnings and investments that were made before the marriage. That is something that should be discussed if a relationship became serious.

Dating wasn't easy even when we were young, pretty, and full of beans. And it's not likely to get any easier now. It was a tall task even in the best of times if you were looking for the real thing. And maybe that's why older folks are less inclined to take on such a task.

I hardly ever dated when I was young. I only had a few dates here and there and I never had a serious relationship. I was not interested in men when I was in my 20s, I was busy with college and my career. I met my late husband when I was 32 years old, when he as 42, and we got married three weeks later. I guess you could say we fell in love, but it was more of a n emotional attraction than a physical one, although it was both.

I'm a 65 year old male with no interest in marriage, just as you describe. At my age, economic and energy level, I find that life works best when I keep it simple. And I'm wise enough to be able to find plenty of joy and gratitude and purpose in what I have. But then I've been at it for a long time. So it's not like I feel I'm missing something.

You just explained why being single works for you, and it is based upon your personal experiences and your attitude towards life. You find plenty of joy and gratitude and purpose in what you have and it has been that way for a long time. My experience has not been that way as for almost 40 years I have depended upon someone being there for me. I do feel like I have a purpose in life but that alone does not fill the void. I feel like I am missing something but only time will tell whether or not I can get used to being alone.

Being single certainly has its advantages. I like a simple life, and bringing someone new into my life at this age just might not be doable. He would have to share the desire for a simple life, but most men what have the means are looking for excitement and travel and engaging in a lot of recreational activities in their retirement years. That is not something I am interested in even though I have plenty of money to do anything I might want to do.

I am certainly watching a lot more TV than I have in many, many years because I am not a social person, so I don’t like going out and socializing, especially in groups. I need to hear the sound of human voices. I could join Zoom meetings with Baha’is almost every day if I wanted to, but I am not really interested in what they talk about and I cannot pretend.

Right now, I feel like a rudderless ship. I have all but lost interest in religion. Threads like this are my attempt to figure things out and get my bearings. I thank God that I did not retire years ago when I was eligible so I still have my job and I can work at home.

 

[Subduction Zone]

Errr...how old is old in this context.
Asking for a friend...ahem...

Not sure. But think of if if two 60 year olds have babies those babies will be 120 years old. Umm . . . I think.