Why don't other people care that I'm depressed ?

[rocala]

@Massimo2002 There are organisations in Canada that may be able to help. Don't struggle alone.

Call Lines - The LifeLine Canada Foundation

If you are experiencing depression or suicidal thoughts, know you are not alone. Support is available and just a phone call away.

thelifelinecanada.ca

 

[Eddi]

@Eddi,

Did you get help here on the forum which was unique and not accessible via conventional psychiatric and credentialed medical interventions? Did I help you? In a way which was unique, patient, loving? We worked together. You had been asking for help on this forum for a long time. **mod edit**

I didn't quit. I welcomed you. I cared about you. I was there for you then. I'm here for you now. I was patient. I helped you, didn't I? In a real substantive way?

You have always been kind and helpful to me and I count you as a friend

Other people here have also been kind and helpful to me

I believe that everyone here should be kind and helpful to @Massimo2002

Yes, he should definitely seek professional help, absolutely he should

But people here should also give him support and encouragement in addition to this

That is the right thing to do

Everyone needs a support network

I can't speak for Judaism as in comparison to you I am ignorant about it but the Christian response to this situation would be to help this young man

I think it is way easier to be snarky, aloof and dismissive than to be kind

 

[Eddi]

I was asking specifically with the delusions. Did I help you? I don;t want to go into detail out of repsect for your privacy. **mod edit** All of those seem to be in complete remission. I recall spending time with you, individually away form the forum where we addressed the sim-theory you had and ... well. Your particular and very important position in this sum-theory.

Do you remember? How we worked together? Do you remember how much it helped? Am I remembering wrong?

** mod edit **

It really isn't as simple as that for various reasons.

1. Did your Dr. engage with you about your beliefs and ideas or did they ignore them? How did that make you feel? Angry?
2. There is a prevailing opinion among health care providers that if a person is having delusions, engaging with them is risky and could push them into psychosis. While that is true, it's not a hard black and white cause effect relationship. If it were true there would no such thing as psychotherapy.
3. When people get a diagnosis it has a tendency to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. The patient wants a solution, an answer, an explanation. Perhaps they want to please their Dr. Perhaps they're simply impressionable.

It's important to get GOOD health care regardless of what is happening. It's also important to the know the limitations of those providers and, at least here in America, psychiatric care is delivered "defensively". Meaning, the Dr. more often than not is protecting themselves from legal liability.



Amein.
** mod edit **

I will answer all of this either later today or sometime tomorrow

England are going to play Spain in a couple of hours in the UEFA European Championship final (in soccer, as you call it the USA)

Whoever wins will be European champions!

So I'm paying attention to that right now, I want to give you my undivided attention and can't at the moment!

 

[Eddi]

I've had a few unexpected spare minutes so I can respond to you right now!

Did you get help here on the forum which was unique and not accessible via conventional psychiatric and credentialed medical interventions?

Yes! - apart from meds I don't get any medical help, I have been discharged from the community mental health services for years right now

Did I help you? In a way which was unique, patient, loving? We worked together.

Yes!
*Mod edit*

I didn't quit. I welcomed you. I cared about you. I was there for you then. I'm here for you now. I was patient. I helped you, didn't I? In a real substantive way?

Absolutely!

Do you remember? I wrote a little computer program? And then we tested it, together?

That was very kind and generous of you and I'll never forget that

 

[dybmh]

Yes, he should definitely seek professional help, absolutely he should

It really isn't as simple as that for various reasons.

1. Did your Dr. engage with you about your beliefs and ideas or did they ignore them? How did that make you feel? Angry? Desperate? Alone? Hopeless? Or. Perhaps, did it encourage you? You wanted to prove to yourself and others that your ideas were true or at least valid?
2. There is a prevailing opinion among health care providers that if a person is having delusions, engaging with them is risky and could push them into psychosis. While that is true, it's not a hard black and white, cause-effect relationship. If it were true, there would be no such thing as psychotherapy. Not that the OP is showing any signs of this, but, the attitude by the posters here, of simply pushing our friend away, to seek help elsewhere, is nothing more than an over-reaction. It's sometimes a good idea to avoid engaging with an individual who is having a mental health situation. This is NOT one of them.
3. When people get a diagnosis it has a tendency to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. The patient wants a solution, an answer, an explanation. Perhaps they want to please their Dr. Perhaps they're simply impressionable.

It's important to get GOOD health care regardless of what is happening. It's also important to the know the limitations of those providers and, at least here in America, psychiatric care is delivered "defensively". Meaning, the Dr. , more often than not , errs on the side of caution. But, it's not entirely for the patient's welfare. It's protecting themselves from legal liability.

This is not disagreeing that professional help is a good idea. But, it can make things worse too. People are afraid to say it, because of the what-if scenarios. "What if, God-forbid, he hurts himself." I do not think that this thread warrants any of that. I have not noticed that in the other threads either. I think it's normal and natural to a degree for big-thinkers to struggle. Their behavior may appear to be red-flags for self-harm if the observer cannot relate to what the individual is going thru. I am not seeing any red-flags of that sort in the OP. But , that's because I can relate to what he is describing.

 

[wellwisher]

Depression is a self feeding neural loop. If you understand how it works you can break it.

When your brain writes to memory, the core of the brain adds emotional tags to the sensory content. Our memory has both feeling tones and sensory content. If you look a tropical sun set, it may trigger feelings of awe, which gets attached to this vacation memory. This why our strongest memories tend to also have the strongest feelings; marriage, first born, or even trauma. In your case, your depression may be associated with an original strong memory where this all began.

Since there are only a small number of feeling tags, these feeling tags tend to be recycled and reapplied to a range of similar memory. For example, if I was to ask you to list your ten favorite foods, all 10 items on your list would give you a similar good and happy feeling, but the sensory data can be as different as steak, lasagna or egg drop soup.

Depression can become an emotional memory tag, and when you feel depressed, it may trigger a range of memories that have been tagged with that feeling of depression. By focusing on these memories; relive them each day, that will reinforce the feeling, since it has that tag. This is where the loop forms. The feeling brings back some bad memories, and these bad memories bring back the bad feelings; self feeding loop. If this loop sticks then even your new memory can be tagged with that depressed feeling, making life boring and depressing.

We need to break the loop and retag some of the memories that were tagged by the loop, instead of by natural or objective reality. For example, some people may want to help, but are not sure how. But if you are depressed, this may be tagged as being part of your depression and not tagged by your happy faced empathy for the limitations of others. It may not be their fault. Breaking the loop allows you to change the tag, thereby restoring your faith in others.

Some people benefit by medication. Drugs for depression can shut off the chemical release in the brain that causes the feeling of depression and gets the loop primed each day. If we shut off the feeling, these connected memories are not triggered, making the loop go away. But often those drugs make you feel bland.

A better, drug free strategy is to make an effort, each day, to think of your best memories that make you happy, even if you feel depressed. This is about will and choice overcoming the determinism of depression. What this will do is cause the brain to release happy brain chemicals, that mix with the depressed brain chemicals, to make things more averaged and more tolerable. If you were to watch your favorite TV program and was distracted for a half hour you forget about the depression allowing it to fade and be replace by your enjoyment.

This is not a quick fix, since these memory tagging chemicals are released into the cerebral spinal fluid and they circulate and it takes some time for the body to absorb them. What can happen at first, is you may feel good going down memory lane, but since the depression chems are still in circulation, these can pull you back, and if you indulge them, relive the memories, you can reset the meter. Part of this is learning to time the circulation to get to the other side.

Exercising is also good way, since this takes physical effort and makes it harder to be tired and down, to indulge the loop. With time, one can even get what they call the runners high, which are good chemicals, that create positive feeling tags, that make it easier to manager the depression. A professional can offer you get the root of the depression, and use psycho drama. This can allow you to relive those memories and learn to change the ending; ends the loop for good.

 

[dybmh]

@Massimo2002 ,

There's another important detail, which I think you should consider. Cognitive dissonance.

The reason that so many are pushing you towards mental health care is actually less about you and your actions, behaviors, and more about them. They want to help, but can't. In the mind, this creates cognitive dissonance. What's happening in the mind, is a rapid cycling. So rapid, that the individual is not aware of it. All they notice is a compulsion in the form of "do something".

​

I want to help <<<>>> I can't help​

I want to help <<<>>> I can't help​

I want to help <<<>>> I can't help​

I want to help <<<>>> I can't help​

I want to help <<<>>> I can't help​

I want to help <<<>>> I can't help​

I want to help <<<>>> I can't help​

I want to help <<<>>> I can't help​

I want to help <<<>>> I can't help​

etc. It's uncomfortable in their own minds. How do they stop the cycling? They do something. Even if it's an over reaction.

For some, especially on internet forums, they have a god-sized ego. You may even meet someone who has convinced themselves they literally are GOD. For these the cognitive dissonance takes a slightly different form.

I'm smart enough to help <<<>>> Why can't I think of something helpful​

The point is. Just because you have a crowd of people pointing at you saying: ILLNESS. That doesn;t mean there is anything wrong with your brain. They're brain is not operating like your brain. And. THEY are suffering because they cannot make sense of it. THEY don't know what to do, but they desperately want to help, or their inflated ego is telling them they should know what to do.

The result?

Push you away. It's more about them. It's less about you, when this is happening.

 

[dybmh]

Depression is a self feeding neural loop. If you understand how it works you can break it.

100%

 

[rocala]

I am not seeing any red-flags of that sort in the OP.

You may well be right, let us hope so. I used to do a lot of voluntary work with an organization involved with this sector. One thing in my training which I have never forgotten was some statistics showing an increase in the rate of suicide and attempts among people who were generally considered to be improving.

The consensus was that "improvement" gave patients a degree of energy and awareness, previously lacking, and sadly they sometimes concluded that it was not worth it. I would suggest therefore that the absence of red flags is to be treated with caution.

 

[Dan From Smithville]

I went outside and everyone ignored me like as if I wasn't there the cars drove by and the people did there things.

I care, but all I can do is offer advice that may or may not be applicable to you or your situation. I would recommend you find a professional therapist. They are trained to help people and know of wider resources that actually work where I would only be guessing.

 

[dybmh]

You may well be right, let us hope so. I used to do a lot of voluntary work with an organization involved with this sector.

Interesting.

So, in your opinion, when someone is in crisis, and they reach out to get help? What's standard protocol?

Tell them: "You're barking up the wrong tree."

Or

Relate to them and keep them talking?

 

[rocala]

I care, but all I can do is offer advice that may or may not be applicable to you or your situation.

Absolutely, Dan, dead right. @Massimo2002 I truly believe that most people here care. How we deal with it, how we express it has numerous varieties, so let us not jump to any conclusions there.

Please remember, that even if there are trained, qualified people on RF, they can only do so much. A social media forum is no place for a diagnosis to be made. So seek professional help and I would suggest making contact with the voluntary sector as well. They are not in competition, but can and often do compliment each other's efforts.

 

[rocala]

Tell them: "You're barking up the wrong tree."

Never. I am not quite sure why you felt the need for that little bit of unpleasantness?

"Relate to them and keep them talking?"

Largely yes. Relate to them, certainly. I am not sure about "keep" but yes, the offer of support and communication is a lifeline to be maintained.

 

[dybmh]

Never. I am not quite sure why you felt the need for that little bit of unpleasantness?

Indeed. But it's not directed to you, friend. See below:

Those of us who are cannot provide that help via forum.

Rocala, if I were the OP I would not be feeling welcome based on the replies rec'd. What's written above even though it is the worst, in isolation, it's easy to overlook the potential for harm. But taken together with the others, I think it's clear, a message is being sent. And that message is not good, especially if the individual reading it, who is asking for help, is in a dark place.

It's the crowd, the hive, doing what it does. They don't see the big picture. Each of the bees, has its own business. If they cannot relate, they should probably buzz off.

 

[We Never Know]

I went outside and everyone ignored me like as if I wasn't there the cars drove by and the people did there things.

If you drive try this. Most everyone will notice you. Might cheer you up.

 

[JustGeorge]

@Massimo2002 , I noticed you haven't responded to my question yet(or many responses here on the thread).

I asked if you care about the depression of others because that's sometimes part of them caring for yours. If you want to be cared for, but don't actually care yourself, or are withholding that care for some reason or another, you will not be successful in relationships, and relationships are where most people put their caring towards.

You've been told numerous times to seek professional help. You know to do this; the ball's in your court whether you are able and willing now.

Its been suggested you use the support of the forums. However, part of that will be being able to be a part of a community. And caring yourself. Asking people how they are. Listening to their stories. Supporting them when they are down.

I myself am depressed. I know others here care for me, and about that, though. I have had members check in with me, had a member stay up part of the night with me when I was in crisis, and the therapist I had before I lost insurance coverage declared my #1 support person is a member here on these forums. Friends here say silly things to cheer me up. Part of building these relationships, though, has been doing the same for others. Checking in with them. Trying to support them. I genuinely care about the members of these forums, and I try to show that as I'm able.

Not one person can fix this for you. But if you care, you will receive care back. I know that's hard to do sometimes when you're depressed. But I can't think of anything I'd recommend more.

 

[Debater Slayer]

@Massimo2002, how are you feeling today? Is there anything that you would like to talk about with fellow forum members?

I hope you can get professional help, as it can be life-saving and transformative (and it has been so in my own experience too). In the meantime, many of us here would be glad to offer a listening ear.

 

[PureX]

I went outside and everyone ignored me like as if I wasn't there the cars drove by and the people did there things.

They are all doing what they have to do to take care of themselves. And you need to do the same.

 

[IndigoChild5559]

I went outside and everyone ignored me like as if I wasn't there the cars drove by and the people did there things.

I am very sorry to hear that you are depressed. I know from personal experience how debilitating it can be and how alone you can feel.

I think most people do care if they know.

Standing outside doesn't communicate to anyone that you are depressed. It's never a really good idea to expect others to read your mind. If you need to talk to someone, your best bet is to call family or friends, and keep it short enough that you don't overwhelm them. You also have the option to find talk to your clergy or professional counselor. It is important not to seek attention at times or places where it is not appropriate, such as at a birthday party, the grocery store, etc.