When I was younger I was forced to have in the belief in Jesus. I was handed all my material and given lectures by people whom I believe I trusted. Maybe that is what went awry, I was forced to believe and not given the choice.
Eventually I became a Altar Boy, to be honest I did not mind the duties and respected what the position I was honored with. I felt the sense of trust and respect by my elders in a sense. I guess I gained a sense of a little to much trust, little did I know at my age I was being fondled my priest and it kept on getting worse. I will leave out all the details but I did not feel right and felt very uncomfortable, I did not tell my parents as this went on for a pretty long time.
Eventually after growing older and moving, I gained the intellect on what was being done to me at the younger age was not normal
I thought to myself, Jesus and God did not like me and he let me down. I became mad and went into a depression a little bit. I started losing faith and started to give a shot to Luciferianism.
To be honest I have not been happier and actually gave me the courage to get my Masters degree in Physics and live a healthy life.
You're not alone in your experience, but please remember Jesus and God did not let you down. Wolf-like clergy disguised in sheep's clothing fleecing the flock of God let you down. -Acts 20vs29,30; 2nd Thess 2vs2-8
Even an atheist can be happy with meaning and purpose in life.
Only the Bible holds out real everlasting 'hope'.
Jesus gave a new commandment at John [13vs34,35] to love as he loved.
Jesus said his genuine followers would be marked by having Christ's self-sacrificing love for others.
What you experienced was not Christ-like love defined at 1st Cor [13vs4-6], but rather you experienced the selfish distorted form of love described at 2nd Timothy [3vs1-5,13] that would mark the bad behavior and attitudes in these last days of badness on earth before Jesus will take action to set things straight.
May all go well with you.
