I am sure it applies to both men and women equally.
At least among Persians there are couples who live together who don't love each other anymore. They are married but emotionally divorced. It is just, for other reasons they still believe not to go through a divorce. I guess as long as they don't fight too much.
I think they should stay married unless they have an aversion for each other as that is the Baha'i standard.
Given what the Writings say about divorce (see below), why do so many Baha'is get divorced? Do that many couples really have an aversion for each other? I find that very hard to believe. I think the real reason is because they are selfish. I don't think I would want to marry a Baha'i who was divorced, and I would be very wary to say the least. I would much rather marry a God-fearing widower of another religion.
Many times when we would fight, by late husband would say I should divorce him and marry another man, because he could not do what I wanted him to do. Our disagreements had nothing to do with sex, it all revolved around him getting a better job and helping out at home. I always told him I would never divorce him because I did not want any other man. For the last 20 years of the marriage we had stopped having sex or any physical contact but I still loved him and cared about him. I might have been better off with another man but that never even entered my mind.
What is love? It certainly is not what most people think it is. As a Baha'i I highly respect once said, "Sex is not love and love is not sex, nor is there any necessary relationship between the two. In human beings it is true that sex typically plays a bonding role in a certain type of loving relationship, but it's not necessary to it (however much people think it is)."
1302. Attitude of Present-Day Society Towards Divorce
"The Universal House of Justice has noted with increasing concern that the undisciplined attitude of present-day society towards divorce is reflected in some parts of the Bahá’í World Community. Our Teachings on this subject are clear and in direct contrast to the loose and casual attitude of the 'permissive society' and it is vital that the Bahá’í Community practise these Teachings."
(From a letter written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice to all National Spiritual Assemblies, January 18, 1980)
1303. There are no Grounds for Divorce in the Faith—Divorce should only be Considered If there is a Strong "Aversion" to One's Partner
"Concerning the definition of the term 'aversion' in relation to Bahá’í divorce law, the Universal House of Justice points out that there are no specific 'grounds' for Bahá’í divorce such as there are in some codes of civil law. Bahá’í law permits divorce but, as both Bahá’u’lláh and ‘Abdu'l-Bahá have made very clear, divorce is abhorred. Thus, from the point of view of the individual believer he should do all he can to refrain from divorce. Bahá’ís should be profoundly aware of the sanctity of marriage and should strive to make their marriages an eternal bond of unity and harmony. This requires effort and sacrifice and wisdom and self-abnegation. A Bahá’í should consider the possibility of divorce only if the situation is intolerable and he or she has a strong aversion to being married to the other partner. This is the standard held up to the individual. It is not a law, but an exhortation. It is a goal to which we should strive."
(From a letter written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice to an individual believer, November 3, 1982)
1305. The Party who is the Cause of Divorce Will Become Victim of Formidable Calamities
"It can be seen, therefore, that 'aversion' is not a specific legal term that needs to be defined. Indeed a number of other terms are used in describing the situation that can lead to divorce in Bahá’í law, such as 'antipathy', 'resentment', 'estrangement', 'impossibility of establishing harmony' and 'irreconcilability'. The texts, however, point out that divorce is strongly condemned, and should be viewed as 'a last resort' when 'rare and urgent circumstances' exist, and that the partner who is the 'cause of divorce' will 'unquestionably' become the 'victim of formidable calamities'."
(Ibid.)
1306. The Friends Must Strictly Refrain from Divorce
"Formerly in Persia divorce was very easily obtained. Among the people of the past Dispensation a trifling matter would cause divorce. However, as the light of the Kingdom shone forth, souls were quickened by the spirit of Bahá’u’lláh, then they totally eschewed divorce. In Persia now divorce doth not take place among the friends, unless a compelling reason existeth which maketh harmony impossible. Under such rare circumstances some cases of divorce take place.
"Now the friends in America must live and conduct themselves in this way. They must strictly refrain from divorce unless something ariseth which compelleth them to separate because of their aversion for each other, in that case with the knowledge of the Spiritual Assembly they may decide to separate. They must then be patient and wait one complete year. If during this year harmony is not re-established between them, then their divorce may be realized. It should not happen that upon the occurrence of a slight friction of displeasure between husband and wife, the husband would think of union with some other woman or, God forbid, the wife also think of another husband. This is contrary to the standard of heavenly value and true chastity. The friends of God must so live and conduct themselves, and evince such excellence of character and conduct, as to make others astonished. The love between husband and wife should not be purely physical, nay rather it must be spiritual and heavenly. These two souls should be considered as one soul. How difficult it would be to divide a single soul! Nay, great would be the difficulty!
"In short, the foundation of the Kingdom of God is based upon harmony and love, oneness, relationship and union, not upon differences, especially between husband and wife. If one of these two become the cause of divorce, that one will unquestionably fall into great difficulties, will become the victim of formidable calamities and experience deep remorse."
(‘Abdu'l-Bahá: Extracts from the Bahá’í Teachings Discouraging Divorce: a compilation prepared by the Research Department of the Universal House of Justice, January 1980)
1307. Divorce is Conditional Upon the Approval and Permission of the Spiritual Assembly
"Regarding divorce, the Guardian stated that it is discouraged, deprecated and against the good pleasure of God. The Assembly must circulate among the friends whatever has been revealed from the Pen of ‘Abdu'l-Bahá in this connection so that all may be fully reminded. Divorce is conditional upon the approval and permission of the Spiritual Assembly. The members of the Assembly must in such matters independently and carefully study and investigate each case. If there should be valid grounds for divorce and it is found that reconciliation is utterly impossible, that antipathy is intense and its removal is not possible, then the Assembly may approve the divorce."
(From a letter written on behalf of the Guardian to the National Spiritual Assembly of Iran, July 7, 1938—translated from the Persian: Ibid., p. 3)
Lights of Guidance/Divorce - Bahaiworks, a library of works about the Bahá’í Faith
